Sunday, December 5, 2010

The long night

Nitesh was about to hibernate his laptop and leave for home  like usual at 7 pm, but today  he had to stay back till midnight -  for the clients in US relaized exactly when he was about to loggoff that an important metrics had to be published that very night.
Nitesh is a 30 year old engineer , slightly on the healthier side but certainly not obese. He always dressed as in a t-shirt and jeans , yes in office and even on Mondays illustrating his carefree  attitude. He always made it a point to leave office by 7 pm so that he could pick up his wife Samina from her office , but today he did not mind stretching work till midnight as  his wife was out of town and so anyways had to eat outside , at least canteen food would save him some bucks , though it would not be as delicious as that of a restaraunt but it served the purpose.

He was sitting in his cubicle preparing the metrics which was much awaited for in US. He was completely engrossed in the excel  he had been preparing for years now, but something preoccupied his mind  today and was competing with the excel to take the most of  his mind. There was this vague feeling of fear in his mind . Something that told him that he should hurry home tonight. The feeling made him uncomfortable he was not used to fear , atleast not fear without any reason . Perhaps its was his wife whom he was missing after all it was the first time in 3 years post marraige when he was to spend a week away from her . He drank 5 cups of the tasteless coffee in a span of 2 hours thanks to this weird feeling which was preventing him to concentrate on excel .

12:00 am - perfect time to sleep with his wife's tugged in his arms as always , but tonight he was sending the mail with a sign of relief at sharp midnight to the clients . He logged off immediately to prevent any more inflow of work for that day, after all it was 5 hours beyond his usual time of work an also the fear which was getting intense and he was not sure why .... He picked up his laptop in a state of confusion and hoped his wife was safe at her parents house, it was too late to call her now  anyways so he could only hope . With all this confusion he got into lift of the 30 floor building where he worked. The building was modern in all aspect , after all it was completed a few months ago and was designed by the posh team which had earlier designed the tallest tower of the world.  Nitesh loved every aspect of his job and this building was a part of the sense of accomplishment , the confidence that he is finally  on the road to success.  each time he left the office and stepeed in the lift , he would smile to himself and would enjoy this feeling of acheivement. Today like everyday he was enjoying the feeling of success , his eyes were shining with pride if only anyone saw them for he was alone in the floor , in the lift and perhaps in the building too, after all friday nights are not very popular for working late . Suddenly the lift stopped at th 13th floor. He felt comforted in the thought that some other person was also working at such a late hour on a friday night .

The lift doors slides open and all he saw was darkness, he could not see anything at the floor it was pitch dark .Well he knew that the building had some floors which were under construction but why was it so dark and why did the lift stop there. He pressed the ><  button , but the damm button wouldn't work . He was getting impatient , it was as if someone was watching him , someone who was hiding under the blanket of darkenss, but why would anyone in the right mind do that. He was not sure why was he feeling insecure and helpless, was it the darkenss or just a tired mind. He had to  press the emergency button afterall it was more than 5 minutes since the lifet remained  there stuck in infinitiy ,  staring at the infinite darkenss.

Finally he managed to reach the ground floor  and headed straight to catch an auto . As luck would have it he could not find a single auto that night , though it was well pass midnight, but the last thing he had anticipated was walking home at such a late hour. Thankfully his house was not that far and he could reach home in the next 30 minutes.  He had this feeling that he was losing everyting , the feeling of life being sucked out of him . He started quanteplating why was his mind insecure suddenly .He sincerely was mising his wife, he had to call her right then , and he reached out to his pocket only to find that he had forgotten the phone in his office . He was too tired to walk back to office and get it, he could always collect it the next day.

Nitesh loved  cozy evening walks, in his courtship days with Samina, they used to go for long walks at midnight , romancing in the chilly weather of Delhi. Tonight inspite of the feeling of insecurity, he could not help but enjoy the beauty of the night. The Leaves rustling among themsleved whispering to each other like couples do . The sweet wind carelessing the face , the moon shining bright and a not soul to be seen on the road. It was indeed very romantic. He knew he had to take Samina to such walks again, it had been quite some time since they both had a romantic walk , after marraige they both were crazy working to climb the  success ladder . He was  annoyed to think that the last romantic moment they shared was  almost a year back .

Just as when he was begining to enjoy the weather, he reached his house and was filled with frustation again. There was a power cut and he had to climb 5 floors to reach his cozy bed. While on the stairs he was feeling uneasy, his mind was again filled with insecurity , he begin to feel like a lost balloon in the sky, aimless and totally out of control.  The only good thing was , surprisingly he was not exhausted while climbing the stairs , perhaps the recent physical activity at the gym was finally reflecting on his stamina. he was just about to reach the third floor , when he saw a couple of shadows , standing in the lobby, A family perhaps he saw a man , woman and a child. They just remained their standing , staring at him right into his eyes. Due to the darkness he could not see them totally, His body turned cold and he sensed a strange cold gush of air out of nowhere.Why were they standing there at such late an hour. His sense of civic responsibility was coaxing  him to ask if they needed help, though all he wanted to do was to get back to the safety of his apartment.
He walked towards them and asked if they wanted any help, but they still remained  motionless like a mannequin except for the fact that they were all smiling, at him now. They had the " I know something, which you don't " look. Their eyes were penetrating deep inside him . He felt as if they knew everything about him and were laughing at his ignorance . He couldnt take that stare any longer, if they required help they would have said so expicitely atlest hinted at it .He climbed up to the 5th floor as soon as he could and rammed the main door and locked it hurriedly, as if he knew someone was there outside waiting to walk in. and this scared him .

The power was still out, and as he lay in darkenss in his bed staring at nothing but darkness , he could not get over the family, who were they and why did all of them had that grin on thier face. He really missed his wife , if only she was there beside him tonight. He could not sleep , as his mind was occupied with insecurity  and fear . He was not sure why was he feeling like this tonight, everthing was fine till he was in the office, rather  he was in the best of his spirits as a project in which he was working on  since the last couple of months was finally about to yield results. He got up and stood in the balcony perhaps fresh air would help him get some sleep.

Unlike him Samina was very spiritual and believed in spirits and all sorts of unnatural phenomenon which cannt be explained yet by science. She used to say that there                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                         are spirits all around and she felt that this buiding was haunted, ofcourse he never believed her, not that he does now. He was just quantplating things, the family he saw still occupied his mind,could they be spirits haunting the building. He laughed at himslef, he actually was thinking that he saw spirits. A restless mind and power cut could really make a man think all sort of things specially when his wife is all the time talking about ghosts and haunting stories

He was sure if he tell her about the family, she would  be sure that they were spirits and were haunting the building , ofcourse Nitesh was brave to look at them and still be alive. How he wished she was there/ Her thought always bought a smile on his face ,and on this particular time he was more laughing thinking about the conversations they would be having when she comes back . Just as when his mood was calming down with the thought of Sabina, he saw the family - three of them again, this time they were on the road in front the apartment he livedin, and were staring at him . He was not sure of what should he do or how he should react. He walked back into his apartment into the dark room , he was scared again .

He went back to his bedroom and just wanted to sleep , why were they staring him like that , who were they , did he know them , were they trying to say something to him perhaps warn him of something. He was getting restless. He was feeling week too , as if his energy was being sucked out every minute every second , but that perhaps was, because he was too tired and the night had not really been how his friday nights go in general. he had forced his eyes shut , but nothing would ease his mind and put him to sleep. Suddenly he heard footsteps in the living room , like the ones a formal  leather shoes would make . He must be thinking a lot of things, he assured himself that there was no one there and thus these foot steps are a figment of his imagination..

All he did for next 5 minutes was roll from one corner of the bed to the other, though the foot steps were not completely gone but were less infrequent and he had got used to ignoring it. As he rolled next time to face the door of his bedroom ,he turned pale and stood up shocked. He was not sure of what he saw ! Did he actually show a face there peeping inside , Gosh he really was too tired perhaps.

He looked at the wall clock it was almost 4 am in the morning and he felt dead , deprived of sleep and energy. He wanted to go to the next room and  be assured that there was no one there and the foot steps and the face were just a result of a tired and insecure mind but his mind which was insecure when he left office was exhausted now  . He felt as if he have had no food since days not that he was hungry but he was just too deprived of energy. He lied down again , he was not sure of what was happening, he was as if  in a state of transition. . The footsteps in the next room were getting fainter. Each passing minute made him weaker, he was not sure  what was happening. to him . All he could do was lie down on his bed.

He laid in his bed exhausted forcing himself to sleep , but still could only just lie there motionless .speechles  .  He looked at the clock it was 5 am , the whole night had passed and he did not sleep. He could not even move now, infact he could not even feel his body. He was now worried , he could not do anything he felt trapped and suffocated. Then he saw was that family again the man , the woman and the kid staring at him , this time beside his bed , and their face also looked exhausted  but they were pale and this time their face reflected peace after all the time they had been waiting for since last night had finally arrived.

8 am
The headlines of  newspaper read  - Nitesh(30) a  promising young Engineer of an leading IT company  and a family comprising of Natnalaal (40)  ,Sheela(35)   and Tarun (10)  died  of a lift mishap . The lift got stuck at the 13th floor and then the pulley holding the lift broke crashing Nitesh as  the lift fell directly from 13th floor to basement . Nitesh was killed on the spot liitle after midnight yesterday. Whereas the family was on an adjacent lift whose pulley also broke in a similar manner killing the family on the spot a little after midnight. A investigation is under process.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

The object of happiness

Finally I am back to blogosphere  after a long time. I was just caught up in the  daily chaos of life, new job, new place, and not now that I have settled, I am back to share my thoughts, and what better a topic than happiness , we all want to be happy, don't we !

Happiness is a seemingly complex word. The definition of words like these is very subjective. Those who are madly in love would associate this word with a person, those in abject poverty would associate this with food, those who are rich would associate this with peace. Hence I would want to define or rather specify the "happiness"  I am talking about. I am talking about happiness which is not associated with anything but pure joy. We all must have seen a baby laughing, that laugh is what pure joy is  and that's the kind of happiness I am talking about.  Then there are those people who have a very peaceful smile, the kind of smile that reflects  pure joy. If we look around you would see that unfortunately not many people even smile these days and if you know them you would realize that the smile has been suppressed by fear /worries, in fact I was one among them too. 

All of us have a habit to associate happiness with our dreams/wants/desires, which is fine in the sense that when we achieve that dream we are happy I do not deny that, but this happiness is very short lived, because we soon have another  new dream, another want  or desire and we  are again sad till we achieve that.  Dreams  are good  because they motivate us to go a step higher, they force us to work that extra hour to achieve our goal , but we should not associate happiness with a specific goal or dream. Happiness is divine and not defined by any object living or abstract. Let me take a few specific examples (the names hypothetical)

a) Love - A person in love always associates happiness with his/her love. Anurag and Seema are a happily married couple. Anurag seems to define happiness with respect to seema, which is obvious because your life partner is a major source of happiness but the problem is he defines "all" his happiness with respect to seema. Love never dies but in the practical world people do, and  people also meet unfortunate accidents and above all people do change. 
I am as much a believe of love as any other guy, but what i question is life revolving around one person , happiness  being defined with respect to one person. I have seen couples madly in love -  of two kinds, one who are so into each other that everything they do is inter related, their sense of existence itself is defined by the other person. Such people face a lot of trouble when things do not go as per their plan. The other kind of couple is that who in spite of their immense love for each other have a life in which their partner is not involved, their partner is a major reason for their happiness but not the only one, and unfortunately  if life does not go as planed they are separated then they are able to exist and live though the rest of their life with a smile, even though the love has nor died nor have they stopped missing their love's presence. 

b) materialistic object - many of us associate happiness with wealth for example, but would this happiness reflect as pure joy and even if it does would it last long. Wealth and objects of value do bring a smile on our face bur we should remember that they are not the only source of happiness in our life. 

We all are human and thus the tendency to get swayed by materialism and I am no exception. I do want to have a loving wife and accumulate a lot of wealth, but that said, they are not the only source of happiness for me . I may not be able to  materialize all my dreams but that does not take away my sense of happiness. As my joy is not tied to any one object or person. I am happy as long as I want to be. 

I realized this a couple of years ago when one incident forced me to reflect upon happiness. I questioned my sense of happiness and realized if my happiness is tied to one object or person, I shall always have the fear of being unhappy. I decided to untie my happiness and am glad that now my sense of happiness is in the small things of life like talking to an old friend , reading a book, painting or blogging :) 

Happiness which is not tied to one object/person is eternal and that reflects as pure joy on their faces. Those who really want to be happy need to realise this and enforce this on their daily life. Initially its more of a rule you have to abide by, you don't let any event take away your happiness for a long time, you ensure that you always have something to smile about,even if that something is as meaningless as  being happy because the day is bright and sunny. once this is registered in your mind you would see the difference , you would sense the peace of pure joy. That does not mean we do not pursue our dreams or accomplish our materialistic needs , all it means is we do not  tie our happiness to a particular dream/need. 

Be Happy always as your smile surely brings happiness to many. 

PS : I recently read a book titled "why god is laughing" by Deepak Chopra , a must read for those who want to experience pure joy . 

Sunday, July 25, 2010

My Guru

 I know a person,
A person whose life is nothing extraordinary, yet she lived it in the most extraordinary way,

I know a person,
A person who always  had a choice, a choice between duties and freedom, and she chose duties all her life. 

I know a person, 
A person whose eyes reflect struggle but they also have a shine of pride. 

I know a person, 
a person who gave meaning to my life by compromising the meaning of her life .

I know a person,
a person who taught me  the importance of duties over self. 

I know a person, 
a person who showed me the meaning of love and imparted me with the joy  of sharing love. 

I know a person, 
a person whose acts of kindness are now the living examples which guide my life .

She is my guru, the guru who taught me to live life..

Love you Ma, on this occasion of Guru purnima  I pray tribute to thee... 

Thursday, April 1, 2010

The Journey called MBA

25th March 2010, A day when my academic student life came to a full stop,  although I would remain a student forever as I strongly believe in Steve jobs famous  statement, “ Stay Hungry stay foolish” and moreover the wise men have always said that Life is the greatest teacher J Yet my student life has come to an end in the sense there shall be no more of the students privileges like

No more bunking classes
No more partying whole night almost every day (especially semester 4)
No more sleeping the whole day, knowing that someone would have marked my attendance
No more carefree attitude
No more No accountability ... 

During the thirty four hours journey from Pune to Howrah , the past two years reflected in my mind like thoe flash back movies often seen in Bollywood. I was bound to notice the transition in me during the last two years . The tenure  of MBA has definitely transformed me into a much better person  professionally and personally.This blog is about those leanings . No don’t worry this is not about the academic learning one has but it’s about the other learning’s which are not to be found in books aka tacit knowledge :D

The best  part of these two years was the interaction with a varied mix of people , we had students  who were right out of college and also students who had up to four years of rich corporate experience.Students were from varied backgrounds ranging from psychology to engineering- medicine to fine arts. This fine blend of a varied background helped us understand  varied perspectives, it made us realized that each one us has a unique talent . We need to focus on each other’s talent and learn from them and absorb their rich experience and at the same time share the unique talent which we have.

I being a fresher was new to a lot of things one among them was working “efficiently “ in a team. During Engineering there were very few group assignments  hence I was not used to working in a group. Whereas during MBA most of the assignments  were to be done in a group, whose team members were selected by the professor. Such teams seldom had homogeneous members and as such one had to deal with issues like the ignorance of a fresher , the attitude of a experienced  among other things J It was truly very painful initially to work in sync with other team members. It is only at the end of these two years I realized that working in a team actually is more efficient resulting in achieving goals in a shorter period of time with high efficiency. A team can do a lot of things which one single professional cannot do ever, this is something which I took a lot of time to imbibe. Moreover  I am told that in organizations all projects are done in a team which always have people whose mind is completely out of sync with us.Thus this habit of working in new varied teams has prepared me be a efficient team member in future. Moreover I have had the best of memories  while working in such colorful groups and it is during such group activities I have found friends which made my stay @ SIMS full of fun .

In MBA we learned to prepare presentation at very short notice, in life we do not always get a lot of time to win an opportunity  and MBA has taught me to do any kind of assignment at short notice and at minimal given time. This was realized specially in the fourth semester when although we were given sufficient time to prepare but we always prepared  important presentations only a night before J - which led to this eureka moment. Initially I found it extremely difficult to make a presentation if I was not given all the relevant data but today I am confident that I can deliver an hour presentation based only on a few words of data, rest I have learned can be safely assumed :) 

Professional life is to be kept separate from personal life this was told to me during my  engineering days , but its actual importance has been learned only in the last two years. This lesson was learnt when I had to complete assignments in a team whose members I did not like personally yet I had to professionally acknowledge him/her and work in sync with that person.  This taught me that one needs to learn to work with team members whom we may  loath personally yet who is our professional  partner. This is one of the major learnings and now I am confident to work  with any kind of team members without having a grin on my face .

The last two years also has changed my thinking perspective. During my graduation days I used to look at any business/professional situation from an employee’s perspective but today given any such situation I think from the management’s perspective , I think about the benefit of the organization and how  the shareholders wealth can be maximized. The basic functionalities  of an organization as taught in  MBA, namely  Finance, Marketing and Human Resource are as important and applicable to our own life as they are to an organization 

Let me elucidate –

Finance –The basic concepts of Finance like cash management and asset liability match if applied to our own personal  finance would enable us to manage our own finances more efficiently. Concepts of Balance sheet, P & L account  and Cash flow analysis can be applied to our own life and would enable us to manage our finance in the most optimal way.
Marketing -  This is something which attracts and retains customers which are the blood line of any firm. Similarly if such marketing concepts are utilized by us it would enable us to attract and retain the figurative customers  of our life . For e.g. when we appear for an interview we need to know how to sell our personality and retain the job .  Similarly our reputation is similar to the brand of a product.  We need to know how to manage our reputation similar to managing the brand equity of a product or a firm.
Human Resource – This is to acquire and retain the right talent in an organization and ensure that its employees are satisfied.  Similarly we need  to identify the right people as good friends and we need to retain them forever. A poorly performed HR could result in having the wrong people in an organization leading to increased dissatisfaction among employees and would be detrimental to an organization  the same can be applied to personal life also .

Most importantly MBA has equipped me  to face the unexpected with a smile on my face. 

The last two years were the most fruitful time of my life till now and at the same time has given be memories which would bring a smile on my face always.....

Thursday, March 11, 2010

DEATH - Inevitable


Some things in life are beyond our control, things which are planned by someone  powerful than us. Of all such things "Death" is something which is unpredictable and inevitable. It would come to all of us in ways we are not even aware of. Death is scary, am sure to all of us; it would wipe the very existence of us one day. I don’t know and do not want to know also, what life is after death because it is the life which we are living now that’s of concern to me.

I don’t know how one feels to be dead, but the people around the deceased definitely are disturbed , they are the people who suffer, the ones who would have to move on, who would have to live life as if nothing has happened because life does not  stop for anyone.  We need to understand and accept this that life is not a birthright but a blessing. It is not something we can take for granted because it can expire anytime. This acceptance is something we all need to imbibe and the moment we do that we would realize that life is a gift and is too short to be wasted.We spend a lot of time "hating” others, but is it really worth it?? If we were to die would it all matter? 

We have this habit of complaining about almost everyone in our life. We are not happy with our parents, we are not happy with our friends actually we are not happy with ourselves. This leads to constant suffering beneath a smiling face. We start hating people who are perhaps much more than, what we see in them. 

I have seen people who complain that their childhood was not how it should have been. They keep complaining about their parents. Their myopic view prevents them from understand the pain and suffering their parents must have had. The care and love which their parents have for them. Their sacrifices made . These are the children who suffer the most when their parents die. Because it is only when we  lose someone , we realize their importance in our life. Nothing can be done then , the person is dead and one can never again show the love and respect the deceased earnestly deserved. 

People keep complaining about how their friends/Lovers do not understand them and waste a lot of time fighting with them over things that do not matter. What if that one friend/ lover dies, would we be able to thank them for the thing they did for us. Would we be able to ask forgiveness for the pains we gave them? Since we would  not be able to that ,we would spend the rest of our life suffering with guilt.

Life is unpredictable,  we are not in a position to know what would happen next.  People die  suddenly and  with them goes the opportunity to make them feel special or happy , with them goes the option to make them smile. What is left is but remorse and guilt. 

The only choice we have is to enjoy the little we have . Make the most of what we have. We meet a number of people every day in school, college, office everywhere. We need to decide if we want them to associate the word "hate/ Greed/Rude" with us or associate "love" with us. Life is too precious to be spend hating people, we need to find a reason to love/ like people around us. 

We all being humans have a range of emotions from loathing someone to being madly in love with someone. We have it all, we have the power to be kind and cruel. We have the power to make a fellow human being shed tears of Pain or  shed tears of joy. Emotions make us  humans right.

Death despite being scary is one of the greatest teachers God had gifted us with .It teaches us the greatest lesson of life, "Life is but a synonym of change.. We need to imbibe this and learn to live the moment because this moment may not be forever" .


Friends close your eyes for some time and think, if you were to die tomorrow would you be treating people around you the way you are doing now.... 

Monday, March 1, 2010

Happy Holi

God gave us the gift of colors so as to add spice to our daily boring life ...
God gave us the festival of colors so that all of us can become one and celebrate his greatest gift "life" ..
God gifted us the festival of "holi" so that all of us can become one under the mask of gulal  and celebrate love..

This Holi I Pray to god ,
 for  the ability to appreciate god's gift and celebrate life..
 for  the sanity of mind to love each and every from of life on earth and beyond..
 for  the peace of mind to be able to appreciate and find happiness within ...

Happy Holi Folks ...
May you have a colorful and safe Holi 2010..

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Some People ...

Some words are not spoken
Yet some people hear it all

Some tears do not flow out of our eyes
Yet some people wipe them off

Some questions are not asked
Yet some people answer them all

Some anger is not expressed
Yet some people come to pacify us

Some happiness is not reflected
Yet some people share it with us

Some help is not asked for
Yet some people offer everything they have

Some dreams are not shared
Yet some people help us turn them to reality

Some actions hurt everyone around
Yet some people tolerate it all

Some care is always not recognized
Yet the care always remains...

Some people always make our life special
Yet their life remains ignored...


"Guys these are the people who make Life worth living ... So take out time from you busy schedule and make sure that you make the life of these people, special just as they made yours .... "

Friday, January 15, 2010


They say we are Humane
but do we deserve to be labelled so?

It is the tree
which gives shelter to the very man that cuts it,
which is humane.
We are nothing but parasites leaving the father who supported us, to die in an old age home.

It is the Swan
which stays loyal to its partner for an entire life time,
which is humane.
We are nothing but parasites loyalty for us is just a label.

It is the Flower,
Which leaves fragrance on the very hands that crushes it,
Which is humane,
We are nothing but parasites vengeance is but our birth right.

It is the Dog,
Which remains faithful to the person who loves him,
which is humane.
We are nothing but parasites embarrassed of the old mother, who loves us despite all the pain we give her.

It is the Whale,
which always supports a sick member of their pod,
which is humane.
We are nothing but parasites completely ignorant of the fellow humans who suffer everyday.

It is the Monkey,
which picks through the fur of other monkeys,
which is humane.
We are nothing but parasites we help only if we see a future gain.

They still say that we are humans,
but I refuse to accept it for I now know, we are but Parasites,
feeding on everything around us,
Killing the very thing that supports us.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Two sides of a Coin

Krishna came to the terrace as he felt suffocated in the hostel room. As he entered the darkness of the terrace his mind was filled with thoughts of Rupa the girl he loved since school days, and so did she till recently when she broke up because she fell in love with Harsha. This incident had shattered him completely. He and Rupa had planned their admissions to this college, so that they could study together. They had sacrificed their parent’s dreams of them becoming Doctor’s, so that they could be together but now all seem meaningless to him, all the 4 years they had spent together seemed a waste of time. He had come to terrace to get a gush of fresh air, but then he saw Arjun and felt suffocated again. He knew that Shilpa and Rakesh were going around for a year, those were the times when Rakesh and Arjun were the best of friends.Now when Shilpa and Arjun realized that they are madly in love, Rakesh cried fouled on Arjun accusing him of nasty things, revealing the secrets Arjun had shared when they were best buddies to everyone in the college. Krishna felt Arjun deserved this, today no one spoke to him and this gave Krishna a sense of sadistic pleasure as the same was happening to Harsha After all how could they be at peace after falling in love with someone else’s girlfriend.

He knew Arjun way before the situations became dark. He had always respected Arjun’s ideology. Arjun was one of the top performers of the batch, a keen learner and had been a great friend to Krishna in the past two years. Now there was this fight going inside him, friend vs angry lover- The friend wanted to know what happened and the angry lover was deriving sadistic pleasure from Arjun’s sufferings.
Minutes later he was there in the dark corner of the terrace, sitting beside Arjun, with eyes reflecting both anger and compassion. Arjun was more lost, he was not sure how to react, he could see the anger in Krishna's eyes, he knew the pain Krishna was going through was the same Rakesh was going through too. Krishna saw a bottle of vodka in front of Arjun, he couldn’t but help himself, after all some discussions are possible only after a few doses of intoxication. “Arjun, why are you doing this, Why did you have to come in between Shilpa and Rakesh? Do you even know how it feels when A guy sees his ex girlfriend walking hand in hand with another guy? Life becomes hell?” Krishna spoke with disguist in his voice.

Arjun knew that Krishna actually wanted answers to the puzzle of his life. He knew that Krishna actually wanted to know why did Harsha do this to him. Arjun knew Krishna and genuinely wanted to explain his position, specially since no one else cared to ask him, no one else cared to understand what was happening in his mind. Krishna was the first person who asked him these questions.
Arjun kept staring at the empty sky perhaps avoiding direct contact with Krishna as there are certain things in life which cannot be justified, ”Krishna, there are certain questions in life to which we do not have answers. I don’t think I cannot give you any logical explanation as to why things happened in such a bizarre way. I just fell in love with Shilpa, and so did she with me . If she was happy and satisfied in the relation with Rakesh , I would have never articulated my love for her. I saw her suffocating, I saw her in pain. I could see all these.” He looked at Krishna, and saw him listening to all this with utmost attention.
Krishna was wandering whether Rupa left him for the same reason. He always thought that he gave her all the space, he did all that she wanted him to, than why? What did Harsha have that he lacked.

Arjun knew that Krishna was trying to fill the gaps of his life’s puzzle with his answers,“She found in me what she searched in Rakesh but could not find. It took a lot of thought to take a step like this, but Krishna isn’t it better to tolerate pain for some time and happiness for a lifetime, rather than avoiding this pain and living a life of pain ?” Arjun now was getting answers to his own questions. He wandered how the human mind functions, his mind was blank when he was all alone, but now when he is answering to Krishna his mind has all the arguments in place.
Krishna spoke, “but Arjun , isn’t is unfair to Rakesh? C’mon he is heartbroken. What about him? he may not find love forever? He may not trust anyone else again.” His voice was heavy reflecting his intense emotions. Arjun realized that these are the very questions Rakesh must be having . These are the very emotions Rakesh must be filled with. Though he still failed to understand that if Rakesh loved Shilpa so much How could he defame her now? How could he make public the secrets shared between them as couple and also his secrets which he had told him when they were the best of friends.

“Krishna yes perhaps it is unfair, but even if I had not been in the picture, their relations would have been called off, they simply did not share the necessary chemistry. Even if they managed to get married they would not have been happy as they were so opposite in their thinking, their priorities in life were all mismatched. Isn’t it better that they part ways now for a better future.” Arjun wanted to continue, but Krishna cut him , “ Yaar it could have been just a bad phase, may be they would have tided over it”.

Arjun was at peace in a way as atleast he could have conversation with someone who reflected the same thoughts as that of Rakesh and at the same time Krishna was trying to understand the entire situation through someone who was in a place similar to that of Harsha. He had nothing but hatred for Harsha and although he could not hate Rupa, he could not wish her well either, after all he was a mortal.
“Krishna, I do not know if I can answer all your questions but I am glad we are having this conversation as I can now understand the pain and agony of Rakesh, I wish someone would talk to him the same way I am talking to you .” Krishna was not in a mood to appreciate these words, he wanted answers to the injustice that happened to him.

Arjun continued,”You know people change over time, all of us do. We evolve with the situations we are put into. Only those relations which change their chemistry in accordance to the change in the couple, survives, rest either perish or suffocate themselves. Over the past 2 years both Shilpa and Rakesh changed, but their change was not synchronous, their change was not acceptable to each other. They did try to work it out but things didn’t work as per their wish. They were both not really happy with the relation, and when I realized that I and Shilpa shared a relation which was beautiful which brought happiness to both of us ? We could not but carry forward this feeling. Krishna, feelings are not switches which can be switched on and off, neither are they easy to tame.”

Krishna was getting uneasy, he wandered what changed in him and Rupa that led to her falling in love with Harsha. He wandered where did he go wrong? It had been more than 2 months since Rupa had told him about Harsha, but he still could not find the answer to what kindled this, what forced her to leave him after 4 years? What is that one thing that he lacks and harsh has? He spent sleepless nights comparing himself and Harsha. He now thought perhaps Arjun was right, perhaps Rupa is happier with Harsha than she was with him. But in the entire episode he is the loser, atleast they both are happy but what about him? He looked at Arjun, and realized what Arjun had said that they actually were getting their answers from each other. He saw shades of Harsha in Arjun and he knew that Arjun was understanding the agony of Rakesh through him. He said ,” But what about Rakesh, great to know that you and Shilpa are happy with each other , but what about him ? he loses everything? Just because you bumped into their peaceful life.” There was sarcasm in his voice, he wished he could rephrase the question.

Arjun did not expect sarcasm from Krishna, in days which were normal he would have replied with an equal sarcasm or atleast would have showed a little bit of anger, but the days were not like before,today Krishna was the only guy who came and spoke to him since his love for Shilpa was made public by Rakesh. More than this it was through him that Arjun was trying to understand Rakesh. He said in a composed yet firm tone, “If they had to live their life together just because of their commitment despite knowing that they are not happy with each other. They would have to live forever by compromising. The little comfort left in their relation would have been completely erased and only the feeling of hatred would be there, they would have become completely void of happiness. Would that have been better? Now at least there is a hope that I and Shilpa would be be Happy? And Rakesh has an opportunity to start afresh, yes it is unfair to him, but Krishna certain things are not in our control, Like I said feelings are not Switches. If not now,he would have known one fine day that she fell in love with me. Then could he live a happy life? Life would have been more unfair to him then, it’s better that he came to know now atleast he has time to recover and start again.” Arjun was not sure if what he said made sense to Krishna, but he had thought over this umpteen number of times. He tried to look at this from all the possible perspectives before he told about this to Rakesh. Everytime he reached the same conclusion that now atleast there is a hope for happiness.

The night was coming to an end, a new dawn was about to be born. The environment was similar to Krishna’s mind. When he came here at midnight he had nothing but hatred in his mind for Harsha and was having double thoughts about his friendship with Arjun just like many others. Now however after listening to Arjun his perception was changing, he was trying to accept the fact that no one is at fault. Human mind behaves absurdly at times. We love and hate many people without any logical reason I guess that’s why they are called emotions. He had realized maybe he is no less than Harsha but there was something between Rupa and Harsha, which simply did not exist between Rupa and him. He was beginning to drive out the hatred in his mind and the bitterness in his soul. He realized that its better that he is facing the situation now, what if he had got married to Rupa and they had kids and then he was told about Rupa’s love for Harsh. Things would have been catastrophic then. He was glad he talked to Arjun instead of behaving like other friends who deserted him right when he needed them the most. He thought love was after all a beautiful feeling not a sense of achievement, so what if he could not achieve Rupa, this did not change his love for her. Atleast she would be happy and he knew he would be too.

The bottle of Vodka was empty now, and so was Arjun’s mind. When he came to terrace he was doubting all his decisions, now after talking to Krishna he knew he took the right decision. He understood the reason behind Rakesh’s vengeance. He knew now that Rakesh must have been in terrible agony hence he took the ghastly steps of publicizing their secrets. He wished that someone would answer Rakesh’s questions too just like he answered Krishna’s, perhaps things would have been better.

We should never draw inference of a situation based on what people say, we should remember that every coin has two sides.
Love is not the feeling of accomplishment it is not about achieving. It can never be forced on or off a person,It’s not about reciprocation Instead It’s a beautiful feeling which comes in the right time, right place for the right person. It’s a feeling that makes us smile and wish happiness for the person we love even if that results in tears in our own eyes.