Friday, February 27, 2009

A Reason to Smile - A Transition needed

I have always been wandering why people say that they have no reason to be happy . There are people who always sulk about what they don't have, they keep seeking things which they don't have but others have and then they curse their fate as they think that they never get what they want in life. They keep finding the negative in their life instead of focusing on the positive aspect .
I was one among them a couple of months back , but then I met a friend and got closer to another, and in the process, I realized the true meaning of "Living a life". We all have problems in our life , though we feel our problem is the worst of its kind , the fact is that there are people who suffer more than us, people who fight life every second,These are the people who always have a smile to greet others .
They are always two dimension to look at the situations we are facing . One we look at them and say , " Why me??" and the second we look at it and say, " WOW now that's a great opportunity to learn something , thank god its me " . A great chunk of us always say the the first part and I was one among them . We need to understand the importance of the situations we are in , we need to understand that we are all nothing but learners and we should keep learning , that what makes us efficient .
I happened to listen to Kiran Bedi's speech and among the priceless views she shared , she said, " Create the Maximum out of Nothing ". This is one statement that is haunting me, right from the moment I heard it , Such a beautiful sentence ,it oozes with positivity. I am trying to work on it. Friends if we look at each situation in life as a learning lesson we would go far ahead in the race of life . We should understand the meaning of Kiran Bedi's Statement , We need to look at each situation and ask our self ," How can I do something about it? Why am I there ? what steps can I take to revert the situation? "
Trust me , the moment you start implementing this situation in real life, you would notice the change not only in you but also around you .

Lately I heard one of my friends complaining that god was punishing him for his deeds . Now this is something where I differ , I somehow do not accept the idea that God's purpose is to Judge us , I do not believe that God is sitting up there only to give his verdict on us . No I believe God is a beautiful Friend , someone who stays with us no matter what, he is there to Guide us , He is there to support us always . At the same time I also believe that the world is a mirror, whatever you give to the world you get back , and it is this that people confuse with punishment . People think that god is punishing them , but the fact is God actually is giving an opportunity to learn , an opportunity to realize one's mistake and an opportunity to believe .

Life actually is beautiful , but we need to see it that way . My belief on positive energy was reinforced , when recently I was reading the interview of a NGO member , there she mentioned that she was abused as a child . She narrated stories of her horrifying past, but what was unbelievable was her learning form that . She said that , " Today I have compassion for the people around me, because I know how they feel , I can relate with the pain they have. I don't think I would have been the same person if I did not have those scary incidents in my life .Today I , thank God not only for giving me courage to fight odds , but also for my childhood as that is an integral part of my personality " . This is what living a life is !
I could not assure myself of what she had written , I was simply left mesmerized by her words .There was this Lady who had the most horrifying childhood yet she is smiling and thanking god , and there are those million around who are cursing their very existence .

The only mantra for being happy is " seek happiness , seek positivity, look out for where you can create maximum out of nothing " .

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Confession of a victim

Flat number E 43/1 , Dream Homes, Kolkata - The ambiance of the Flat spoke volumes about the owner , the floor of the drawing room was decorated with carefully chosen colorful tiles, those along with the vibrant sofa set oozed warmness , and the same reflected the vibrancy of the owner . The Flat had a huge Balcony which faced North, thus the entire house was always breezy, and this was the reason why Harsh had paid a whooping 75 lakhs for the flat , within 1 year of completing his MBA(Finance) from IIM(A)

The Door bell rang, Harsh looked at himself for a long time, The time had come, or has it not? the next few hours would stand a witness to a untold story or perhaps it would be just another evening with purva.
The bell rang again,Harsh rushed to open the door , Purva hugged him, and kissed him, they stood like one, for quite a while. Their relation dated back to the IIM days, a week back they got engaged to each other, it was a grand ceremony , a day which would be in the minds of all those who attended, and specially in the mind of the couple for time immemorial . There were snapshots of the grand day hung at drawing room. As the couple entered the drawing room, clanged to each other , both of them looked at the pics and kissed each other passionately and proceeded towards the balcony .
"what happened? harsh ! think something is disturbing you .. " Purva looked at Harsh, he looked really worried, his forehead had the lines which she last saw when he had proposed her , but today she could not find any reason for him to be upset .
She went and sat near him and put her head in his shoulder, " what happen , is there something you want to tell me.. ".
Harsh hugged her, " I love you a lot.. Do you think we should know everything about each others past..? " . Purva was not expecting such a question, she could not understand what was going on in his mind," why do you ask that harsh."
Harsh looked into her eyes, " I need to know the answer, please do not think I am doing anything that will hurt you, I am not, but " . "Harsh what's wrong ? I do not care about your past , All I know is that you love me and that is enough .."
Harsh, couldn't help but smile , he kissed her forehead, " I love you too. but I think I really need to tell you something , something .." .
A conglomeration of thoughts raced through his mind, his entire life flashed back in a couple of seconds, he had to tell her everything , he just had too, but he was not sure where to start from . This was one of the most precious moments for him, his love in his arms, he had all the time, he wanted, the weather was perfect, it was dusk, the sky had shades of red,birds were flying home, it was picture perfect. He took out his phone and clicked a photo of both them hugging each other sitting in the balcony . He was not sure of her reaction, and hence wanted to enjoy every moment prior to the second he told her his mistake.
Harsh got up and brought 2 beer cans, he took Purva's hand in his, " Sweetheart , I am going to tell you something, which is not pleasant , things which may make you angry, things which may make you hate me , but I really have to tell you else I would not be honest with you ." Purva was not sure what this meant, All this while she thought she knew him in and out, but what was this ? She was getting uncomfortable now, she picked up the bottle of beer had few sips , and sat sown on a chair in the balcony .
Harsh knew he had to start, he walked some distance away from her , turned his face the other side , "You know when i was a kid, both my parents used to work , and they had to ensure that I was safe alone at house , so they had hired a guy whose primary duty was to "keep me safe " , We used to live in Alipore then . I was the kinda kid who wanted to be pampered, and somehow ,my parents never did have the time to do so. This guy's name was Nikhil." All this while Purva was trying to understand each minutiae detail . "Purva ,He that Bastard abused me - in the pretext of showing affection , he used me as a object to fulfill his hidden desires" . Harsh paused, he was getting agitated, whenever in the past 20 years, he thought about that it infuriated him, he used to lose his peace of the mind , he recollected the countless nights he had spend crying.
Purva was dumbstruck , this was something she did not expect . She walked up to harsh, hugged him , "Sweetie you don't have to continue, You don't have to tell about your past , you just don't have to . It all over ." She could feel him getting restless, his breathing had increased , he had started perspiring .
Harsh stood still , looking at the open sky he said , " I didn't realize what he did to me, till i was in adolescent . I actually enjoyed those ghastly acts, All my childhood I kept thinking what Nikhil did to me was normal, and it happened to everyone else too. I hate myself for being ignorant. He was there in my mind long after we shifted from alipore - I used to crave for him. Now I realize that all I wanted was affection and care and I had only one source to get that- Nikhil. He ruined the innocence of my childhood". Harsh was having trouble continuing what he had started, he was stammering , he was shivering .. He freed himself from Purva's arms, and went towards the open space, He wanted to be free, he wanted to turn back time and erase those ghastly acts. He was cursing himself for allowing him to go through the pain of remembering everything, but he had to, he had to tell her everything, he had to tell her the impact of Nikhil on an innocent mind.
"Purva, Now I realize that when all the other kids were busy with cricket, I was left to crave for a hug, small bit of affection from anyone, and this came only in the form of Nikhil. For a long long time I adored Nikhil , I used to wait for him. When my parents put me in a boarding school 2 years after Nikhil came into my life , I used to actually miss him . ". Purva did not want to hear further, tears were coming out from her eyes , this was not how she had planned the evening. She went to the side where Harsh was there, and just stood by him . and said ," its OK Harsh , everything is over . I am there for you, you don't have to think about it , you really don't " .
Harsh ignored all that he heard, " The impact of Nikhil was such that , my entire childhood and adolescence was spend thinking about sex , I was exposed to it , without my fault a bit too early, and I found it so curious that , it was all that went in my mind. When I was 12, I though men are suppose to have sex with men , this thought occupied my mind long enough to push me into homosexuality." He sighed for what he had just said, He had though he would never tell it to anyone but purva was an exception . Purva had already lost her peace of mind after what he said about his childhood, but this was not what she though her to be husband would be , this was not her Fiance, She was not sure how she should react , she wanted to yell at him and hug him at same time .She drank the bear in one go , and was staring at Harsh, "then why did you propose me? why did you get engaged to me ? why I have nothing in my mind against sexual preferences ,its a personal choice, but why me? why did you have to make me feel special ?" .
Harsh knew this was coming, " Purva I really do love you, and please No I have not broken you trust , I really have not". Purva did not let him complete, the lady who till minutes back , was feeling sorry for him , now was angry at the same person, " Loyal - Do you know the meaning of it ? You had been sleeping around with other men and you call yourself loyal ."
Harsh took her in his arms , she resisted , he looked into her eyes , " whatever I told you , was before I met you, yes I did sleep around with men , but that was before I met you . I sway to god, ever since I met you at IIM, I have not betrayed your trust. I love you purva , I really do ." Purva freed herself , " How do I believe you , I mean , I am sorry about your childhood I really am , but that does not give you a license to sleep with men, for heaven's sake . How am I to know that you would be loyal and not get swayed by another man . ", she could not believe herself what she had just said , she was pacing in and out the balcony. " I am sorry harsh I really did not meant to be so rude. " She went inside the flat to the bedroom, harsh was not sure if he did the right thing . He had asked himself umpteen number of time before finally deciding to tell her everything . The evening had changed colors petty fast , it started with a romantic note, all was red then , soon after the mention of his childhood , it had shades of sympathy and love, and amidst these anger in his eyes , but now he was lost , everything seemed dark to him . The evening had transformed now to a dark night, even the lights were stitched off , he wanted it to be dark. He sat amidst all the dark moments of his life, he wandered what went wrong , was it his fault to seek affection when he was a child , or was it his fault that instead of his parents cuddling him , Nikhil played with his innocence , or perhaps his fault was that he gave in to his desires when in school, it seemed perfectly fine then but ,yes this could be his fault , but then why did he have to meet purva, He was living a great life- being happy and gay before she came. Purva had transformed his entire life, He had fallen in love with her , the moment he met her and from that moment he did not feel the urge to do anything else but love her . He was questioning all his actions , perhaps he shouldn't have told her everything , all was going fine after all, he need not have told her , but he though she loved him, and she should know everything , perhaps he was being too naive or maybe he was totally in love with her .He was not sure of what would happen next, he did not really plan her reaction. Suddenly his phone rang.It was a SMS, from Purva, " Harsh , I am not prepared for this, I still love you, and I know you love me too, but some doubts have been raised in my mind , and I need to seek answers for them before I decide about anything, I am going back to my apartment, please don't call me now .. "

Harsh, certainly did not expect this before, but as he sat there in darkness, he realized she was not wrong , she had every right to complain. A strange fear captured him , he was shivering , he questioned his sanity , his love , his very existence .
Purva was not sure of anything she was still distant from accepting what she had come to know . She was not sure of anything ,life seemed dark in front of her . Harsh realized he was not made for the happy things in life , he assured himself that he had to fight his entire life , just like he fought his sexuality when he fell in love with purva, but he was happy that he discovered his true self . he had realized years back that the divine happiness he experienced with purva was something he did not experience, any time else. He realized the damage Nikhil had done to him, he realized NIkhil was the reason he had been living a life of duality , a life into which he was forced into, a life which sadly he was beginning to enjoy , but when Purva came he realized he had been living a false life , and in no time he had transformed completely .
Harsh picked up his cell and typed , " Purva, I just wanted you to know that I have never betrayed you except for the fact that I did not tell you my past, but today I am telling you my past, and trust me I regret it completely, you are the best thing that happened to me, I know you did not except this in you wildest dreams, but that's how it is .. If you decide to come back I can assure of nothing else but love and in case you decide that you would not be able to live with me because of my past, I totally understand, and I would be happy for whatever you do ..." . He send it to her . He was sure that she was not coming back, after all why would anyone in their right senses want to marry a guy who had a homosexual past . He decided to spend some more time in the balcony looking at the stars, the stars reminded him of his childhood , in hostel, there were days when he used to go to terrace and sleep there, he missed his ma there, and at times he also missed nikhil. This flashback of his hostel days always made him melancholic . He got up and was simply walking to and fro the drawing room, he was not sure of what he should do now . If this was the case before he met purva, he would simply log on to social networking sites , find a local guy and go for a one night stand, but today was different, he did not want to do that anymore, he had decided that was not the real him .He decided to go back to the balcony , and win over his fear - the stars , just like he fought the other horrors .

Purva was lying on her bed unable to sleep for the past 5 hours, last four years flashed back in her mind like a short movie trailer,. She recollected how on more than one occasion he had displayed his love for her, in the most romantic way .He had supported her in all her decisions, she knew that she loved him, and that's what made her sad, she wanted to help him ,but was not sure if she still wanted to marry him . What if he still continues to live his dual life after they got married . The mobile rang ,it was a SMS, She wanted it to be from harsh, she wanted him to help her with the decision just like he helped her for the past many years .The SMS made her smile, but she was till confused, she did know what to do . She just had one thought in mind , Harsh.
It was 3 am, Purva went off to sleep , with a snap of Harsh in her hand, suddenly the phone rang ..
Purva picked up the phone ,
"Hi Purva Di, lipika here .."
"Hi Lipi how are you? What happen its 3 am .. is everything OK .." , Purva could sense something was wrong , Lipika was sobbing , her voice was heavy .
"Di, I am coming back to kolkata, I am catching the first flight out of Mumbai , I really cant take it anymore, not anymore.."
Purva, knew that Lipika was having a troubled marriage , but the exact reasons were not known to her , by the stress in lipika's voice she could sense something must have been terribly wrong.
"Lipi where exactly are you now ? and what happen??" . Lipika,"was having difficulty speaking ,"DI i am on my way to the airport, Amar is not how he used to be.. all has changed, he has changed .."
In the next half hour, Lipika narrated the horrifying things which she was subjected to . Lipika had got married to her sweetheart Amar a year back . The problem started soon after the marriage, He started beating her , and started having a series of extra marital affairs , and at times he used to bring his mistress home, and would disgrace lipika in front of everyone.

Purvi was already distressed with her own life , all she could say to Lipi, is " come back dear, I am there, we would teach him a lesson, you just be safe and come back ." The moment Purva she kept phone , she was left wandering what had gone wrong , lipika knew Amar for 5 years before they got married, the family seemed nice , he had a handsome job , what else could one verify. She soon came to the conclusion that at the end its all destiny . Before Lipika's marriage all seemed perfect, but now everything has turned sour, who is to be blamed, whose mistake was it?
She had no answer , but she soon realize that there are certain thing which humans cannot control ,and simply have to bear them. She wandered what if Harsh did not have the horrifying past, what if he had a normal childhood just like she had. She wandered, what was the probability if he was not what he was, that he would be loyal. was there any assurance then ? that he would not betray her in future ?
She realized in all the best of circumstances she had to go by her instincts and the love she had for him . It was 5 am, and she just realize how stupid it was for her to leave harsh alone in the depressing state he was in . She rushed out her flat with the same pace in which she had left Harsh's place .
She had a duplicate key, once inside she went straight to the bedroom , she did not find him there. She didn't search for him anywhere else , she knew him well enough to know that if at the odd hour of 5 am , he was not sleeping in the bedroom he must be in the balcony.
He had gone asleep there, with his body on the floor and torso resting on the chair. She saw his phone lying next to him, she picked it up, It had their picture . The one harsh took just before he broke the news, was selected as wallpaper , it looked all so beautiful, ironically moments after the beautiful picture was taken things had turned sour .
She looked at harsh, he had that amazing smile on his face which always enchanted her , she sat down on the floor beside him , and was admiring him , for what he had done, it definitely required courage to share the darkest corner of one's past.
Harsh opened his eyes soon , only to find Purva staring at him. He looked at those amazing pair of eyes, eyes which captivated him , eyes whose shine reinforced their love , eyes which he adored.
He realized that she had come back to him, she had not uttered a word, but he knew his love was back to him. A tear dropped from the corner of Purva's eyes, Harsh went close to her , kissed her , and then hugged her and said , " Thanks a lot , purva, I love you ."
All Purva could say was , "I love you too ".

Sunday, February 1, 2009

The courage to continue

ShubbuLakshmi or Amma as she was known in her entire community had just dropped her son Arjun to the airport, he had got placed in a premier IT company and was flying to Delhi for his first Job. This was the day for which she had waited for decades .
The apartment was on the 25th Floor, she walked across the posh apartment, a sense of accomplishment graced her face , the balcony was her favorite place in the entire house, a place where the cool breeze touching her cheeks reminded her of Amar . As soon as she started feeling the breeze she used to close her eyes and felt independent and chained at the same time and the feeling made her feel complete - a feeling which she never had anywhere else .

ShubbuLakshmi was born in Sonargachi a red light area in kolkata . Her childhood was spend amidst sex workers and their children . As a child she always wandered why her amma went to work at night but there was no one to answer her questions . Often she would find amma bruised after a night's job , but she was too scared to ask anyone what happened ? She wanted to go to school and much against the will of the community she started going to the government school . All went well till she turned 14 . One incident prevented her from going back to school and denied her an access to a Future in fact it changed the entire course of her life . The school was mere 2 kms away from her house. One day she was returning from school, as usual, but there was a difference - she was happy- her teacher had said that she could see a doctor in shubbu . She even bought Laddos for her amma. It was around 6 pm , suddenly she saw Ravi and Raju her school friends in the nearby Pan shop . She went towards them , she wanted to share her happiness with them. But the moment she went near them , she realized something was wrong , they were not the guys , she considered as friends , they were staring at her at places where she was not comfortable , their eyes reflected lust. She could not bear the strange look, and decided to walk back, but fate had planned it differently . The guys followed her and started touching her . Shubbu protested and started shouting for help. When the guys saw people coming , they started abusing shubbu started addressing her as a prostitute and started disgracing her amidst the crowd . Shubbu was shocked the people who had initially come to help her , now ridiculed her , they also now started looking at her with lust, she was too young to understand the impact the word "prostitute " had on people's mind . . She could not bear the ridicule anymore, she ran and did not stop till she reached the place which she called her home, the place where her amma used to work, the place where she had seen her amma bruised emotionally and physically, now she lay in the same place hurt.
This incident took everything away from her . Her amma was too scared to let her go to school again , and this marked the end of her happiness.
Shubbu now spent her time in daily chores and learning arts from people whom she called "mashi" (Aunty). She was Happy that she was learning something new , yet somewhere deep down she wanted to study . She had just turned 15 and "MEN" there had started showing interest in paying her for work which her amma did, her amma was not attracting enough clients to sustain the expenses and thus the problem started. One day a client did come to her ammu, and offered a whooping 6ooo INR , but ammu was not OK with the deal, and the other members were forcing her to go ahead, else they threaten that they would give shubbu away , these were the same people whom shubbu called mashi, and now the hunger of money had changed everything even their love for shubbu .All this happen when shubbu was fast asleep . When shubbu woke the next morning she found her ammu bleeding beside her , she had bruises all over her faces , the marks seemed like those of a knife, as if someone had deliberately scratched her face with knife , her arms were red , and her back had marks of belt , and she held a bunch of Indian rupees in her fist . Shubbu cried for help, few women came and started helping shubbu clean the bruises .
This incident continued over the next few months, till one morning amma was found dead .
Shubbu had lost everything , she was shattered and before she could recover from the loss , her maushi had started demanding that she should started working or leave the place. The love in her mashi's eyes had turned into greed for money . They knew that at the age of 17 she would attract a price of not less than 50,000 INR .
Shubbu could not sleep for the next few days , she had to find a way out , this was not what she had thought for herself . Soon the community was offered 50000 INR for Shubbu , now she was not even given the choice to run away, hence now she was kept in custody . Soon she had to succumb to the greed of her mashi's and was sold for a handsome amount She was taken away to a posh area - Ballygunj in kolkata , by her "owner", who used her as a domestic help in the day time and raped her at night, sometimes he brought along friends. who behaved more like animals then humans, She soon found her in the same bruised state as she had seen her amma .
There was still something which subbhu thought was bettar than sonargachi , at least there were no double standards , unlike her mashi's who displayed false affection these men had no affection at all. She had accepted her fate, and was waiting for the day where she too would die. But she soon realized that she was also the centre of attraction for the other male residents of the same colony , who offered her as much as 2000 INR for the job which her owner forced her to do every night .
Then she made a plan , a plan to escape from the torture , a plan to smile, a plan to dignity .
She spent the next 5 years , meeting those "lustful men" and earning at least 2000 INR , per person and at the end of five years she had 1 Lakh INR , and all this without her owner coming to know of it .She was 23 and one day realized that she was pregnant , her owner thrashed her that night on hearing this, and started making plans for abortion , but shubbu had other plans .
During these 5 years she also had made a friend , "neha" , she used to work in one of the resident's flat. Neha was from chennai and she had her family still living there . Though subbu's amma was from the state of tamil nadu , but she never heard anything from ammu as much as she heard from neha. She started understanding the meaning of culture , life, education .
The day after Shubbu got thrashed , she booked a ticket to chennai , and with the help of neha boarded her train to happiness.
The journey was a special one, she was free for the first time since 23 years. She looked around the sleeper class , people of all kinds were there,she was a bit scared as she was traveling for the first time, but it did not matter as she was happy, She kept the money in a bag and kept it close with her always . Life had taught her one thing that she could not trust anyone . She stood at the door of the train , and enjoyed the breeze , the breeze touching her cheeks, titillated her . Though she was alone , she felt the satisfaction of being independent. She knew that now she had to sustain her self , in chennai and had to find a way out .The best part of the journey was that no one knew that she was from Sonargachi, and that she traded lust. She had a great feeling of confidence. In chennai Neha's brother Amar came to receive her. she stayed with neha's family till she gave birth to Arjun .
In those 9 months she made a plan, she knew that the child will not bear hardships as she did , he/she would have a future which she did not have, most importantly he/she would have education . Amar helped her in making a plan , a plan to live. He helped her with the money, she had brought from kolkata. Something in Amar told Shubbu that she could trust him with not only money but with everything else. Neha had told her family that Shubbu was a widow. Hence she attracted a lot of pity and at the same time enough help to seek a road to salvation . She had begin liking amar, he was not like the other men who looked at her as a mean to satisfy their lust ,instead he used to look at her with eyes full of a admiration , the shine in his eyes reminded her of amma .
With help of Amar she had opened a small shop selling bedsheets which were beautifully embroidered by her ,an art which she had learnt when she dropped from school . She bought the materials required and started working on them during her pregnancy with the help of amar.
She had fallen in love with him . Amar saw a strange shine of confidence in her eyes and this is why he was attracted to her . He often used to hold her close and his breath used to make her cheeks red. This was the only moment when their bodies were close enough to feel each other .
Arjun had turned 3 and shubbu had expanded her business , she now had a grocery store in addition to her embroidery store , she rented her own one room row house . Till one day when they both went out to beach , the evening was pleasant, breeze blew shubbu hair in such a way that it touched Amar's Cheeks, who was enjoying the romantic environment . The sky looked heavenly, the environment was warmer than usual, and both of them were blushing, both their eyes had the shine of a newly wed couple. That day , Amar proposed her and said he wanted to marry her . Shubbu was happy ,She was at the zenith of happiness. the evening which was already romantic, made her blush, she realized the sky too was pink in color, there were couples all around them , birds were on their way home . but there was something which took away the romance from the environment , her past was something she had not told anyone, this made her uncomfortable .The romance in the air had started fading as she recalled her past, right from her school to ammu to her "owner", she told him everything but she also knew that he may not marry her after he heard the entire story, and she did not expect him to either. As she knew it is difficult for everyone to fight the society. Amar was deeply shocked and hurt to hear all these, the roses which he had brought for shubbu fell down from his hand . All these while Arjun was building castles from sand on the beach .Suddenly Amar walked towards Arjun picked him kissed his forehead and said "stay well ". He turned towards shubbu , his eyes were misty, he could not stay a word, he just picked up those roses and gave it to her .
Shubbu knew that he will not come back, she knew this was the last time she saw him. A sense of grief enclosed both of them
She enrolled herself into a school for adults, and accomplished her dream to get education, and she also ensured that Arjun got the best of education.
She never felt for anyone like she felt for Amar, She always felt the vacuum created after Amar left , but she made her life so busy that she never felt the need to look for him . She soon created a chain of embroidery stores. As she started getting grey hair, she felt the need to help thouasands of subbulakhsmi in the country. She realized that the best way to create awareness was by making her story public. This was not going to be easy , as she now lived in a posh areas in chennai , the society knew her as a business women and not as a girl from Sonargachi . Most importantly she had to tell Arjun everything .
Arjun had just turned 20 and was in his second year of Computer Science & Engineering . He had come home for new year . It was around 6 pm , the sun was about to set. An apartment at the 25th floor guranteed an amazing veiw of the sunset, both of them sat in the balcony. Subbha had to gather a lot of courage to tell him , she had a debate with herself , since 2 week prior to his arrival, she was scared that like Amar he may also desert her, but she soon realize that she had to tell him, as if he comes to know of it from some one else he would be utterly devasted and their relation could turn out to be worst than she expected .
Arjun did not expect this kind a story of her ma , he was not devasted but angry, his eyes were getting red , as she was telling her story . Shubbu was scared , her eyes were moist, tear drops were coming out from the corner of her eyes . She could not complete, when Arjun stood up and left the flat .
This was something for which she was not prepared , she knew he would take time to accept this piece of hard truth ,but she thought he would also appreciate her courage and her desire to live . She sat their in the balcony for the entire night, looking at the empty dark sky, she had nothing left now , she felt empty. Staring at the dark sky she remembered her amma , She remembered the last few weeks when she was alive, flashes of her bruises came to her mind ,she remembered the 6000 INR her amma earned for all the blood she lost. She wanted to find her amidst the clouds and hug her , she wanted to cry, she wanted to to hold someone , just anyone, but alas there she was on a posh apartment, without anyone to share her pain with ,she felt lost for the first time since she came to chennai .
She had fallen asleep in the chair , suddenly she felt someone hugging her, she opened her eyes to find Arjun sobbing. She kissed his forehead. His eyes were red and it looked he did not sleep the entire night, " Ma , I love you ma , you always have been my guru , but today i not only look at you as a Teacher but i look at you as a god, you have done so much for me ma, If you did not decide to run to Chennai , I would have been living a completely different life , Thank you ma,." . Shubbu could not control her emotions either , " beta I though I lost you , just like I Lost Amar , I felt so lonely , so left out , so deprived ." Arjun," Ma I will never Leave you, never.." . Soon She also took his permission to go public with her story , and his response was more than positive , he helped her with writing her autobiography , and also ensured that the books marketing was done in an effective manner . His efforts bore fruits soon and Subbulakhshmi soon became a nation figure. She was everywhere from business magazines to Femina ,

Today he left Chennai to start his own life , Shubbu was proud of Arjun , she felt her life was complete as not only did she managed to provide education to arjun but she herself evolved from a sex worker to a successful business women to an author. She often thought that whatever happened to her , happened for a reason, she was able to connect all the incidents of her life today. Even if one incident did not happen then today she wouldn't have been what she was, the success which she achieved may have only been a dream . Since she discontinued from school , she knew fine arts and could transform that skill set to a profitable business .She realized the importance of all the incidents in her life sour or sweet, all of those incidents together made her persona as she was and today as usual she was beautiful.

Today she was independent as she had accomplished all her dreams yet she was chained as there were still lakhs of subbu's throughout the country . There she stood at her favorite balcony , and as the breeze touched her cheeks, she remembered Amar, without whom today she would have been incomplete, she looked at the sky , it had shades of blue and orange, it was going to be dark soon, the day was coming to an end but for shubbu life never stood still, the day never came to an end, but today , she looked up at the sky and saw birds making there way back to their nests she realized her day was also coming to an end, but she had no regrets , the journey had been beautiful, she had achieved all she wanted to and she ensured that other subbu's realize that "Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts"..