Krishna came to the terrace as he felt suffocated in the hostel room. As he entered the darkness of the terrace his mind was filled with thoughts of Rupa the girl he loved since school days, and so did she till recently when she broke up because she fell in love with Harsha. This incident had shattered him completely. He and Rupa had planned their admissions to this college, so that they could study together. They had sacrificed their parent’s dreams of them becoming Doctor’s, so that they could be together but now all seem meaningless to him, all the 4 years they had spent together seemed a waste of time. He had come to terrace to get a gush of fresh air, but then he saw Arjun and felt suffocated again. He knew that Shilpa and Rakesh were going around for a year, those were the times when Rakesh and Arjun were the best of friends.Now when Shilpa and Arjun realized that they are madly in love, Rakesh cried fouled on Arjun accusing him of nasty things, revealing the secrets Arjun had shared when they were best buddies to everyone in the college. Krishna felt Arjun deserved this, today no one spoke to him and this gave Krishna a sense of sadistic pleasure as the same was happening to Harsha After all how could they be at peace after falling in love with someone else’s girlfriend.
He knew Arjun way before the situations became dark. He had always respected Arjun’s ideology. Arjun was one of the top performers of the batch, a keen learner and had been a great friend to Krishna in the past two years. Now there was this fight going inside him, friend vs angry lover- The friend wanted to know what happened and the angry lover was deriving sadistic pleasure from Arjun’s sufferings.
Minutes later he was there in the dark corner of the terrace, sitting beside Arjun, with eyes reflecting both anger and compassion. Arjun was more lost, he was not sure how to react, he could see the anger in Krishna's eyes, he knew the pain Krishna was going through was the same Rakesh was going through too. Krishna saw a bottle of vodka in front of Arjun, he couldn’t but help himself, after all some discussions are possible only after a few doses of intoxication. “Arjun, why are you doing this, Why did you have to come in between Shilpa and Rakesh? Do you even know how it feels when A guy sees his ex girlfriend walking hand in hand with another guy? Life becomes hell?” Krishna spoke with disguist in his voice.
Arjun knew that Krishna actually wanted answers to the puzzle of his life. He knew that Krishna actually wanted to know why did Harsha do this to him. Arjun knew Krishna and genuinely wanted to explain his position, specially since no one else cared to ask him, no one else cared to understand what was happening in his mind. Krishna was the first person who asked him these questions.
Arjun kept staring at the empty sky perhaps avoiding direct contact with Krishna as there are certain things in life which cannot be justified, ”Krishna, there are certain questions in life to which we do not have answers. I don’t think I cannot give you any logical explanation as to why things happened in such a bizarre way. I just fell in love with Shilpa, and so did she with me . If she was happy and satisfied in the relation with Rakesh , I would have never articulated my love for her. I saw her suffocating, I saw her in pain. I could see all these.” He looked at Krishna, and saw him listening to all this with utmost attention.
Krishna was wandering whether Rupa left him for the same reason. He always thought that he gave her all the space, he did all that she wanted him to, than why? What did Harsha have that he lacked.
Arjun knew that Krishna was trying to fill the gaps of his life’s puzzle with his answers,“She found in me what she searched in Rakesh but could not find. It took a lot of thought to take a step like this, but Krishna isn’t it better to tolerate pain for some time and happiness for a lifetime, rather than avoiding this pain and living a life of pain ?” Arjun now was getting answers to his own questions. He wandered how the human mind functions, his mind was blank when he was all alone, but now when he is answering to Krishna his mind has all the arguments in place.
Krishna spoke, “but Arjun , isn’t is unfair to Rakesh? C’mon he is heartbroken. What about him? he may not find love forever? He may not trust anyone else again.” His voice was heavy reflecting his intense emotions. Arjun realized that these are the very questions Rakesh must be having . These are the very emotions Rakesh must be filled with. Though he still failed to understand that if Rakesh loved Shilpa so much How could he defame her now? How could he make public the secrets shared between them as couple and also his secrets which he had told him when they were the best of friends.
“Krishna yes perhaps it is unfair, but even if I had not been in the picture, their relations would have been called off, they simply did not share the necessary chemistry. Even if they managed to get married they would not have been happy as they were so opposite in their thinking, their priorities in life were all mismatched. Isn’t it better that they part ways now for a better future.” Arjun wanted to continue, but Krishna cut him , “ Yaar it could have been just a bad phase, may be they would have tided over it”.
Arjun was at peace in a way as atleast he could have conversation with someone who reflected the same thoughts as that of Rakesh and at the same time Krishna was trying to understand the entire situation through someone who was in a place similar to that of Harsha. He had nothing but hatred for Harsha and although he could not hate Rupa, he could not wish her well either, after all he was a mortal.
“Krishna, I do not know if I can answer all your questions but I am glad we are having this conversation as I can now understand the pain and agony of Rakesh, I wish someone would talk to him the same way I am talking to you .” Krishna was not in a mood to appreciate these words, he wanted answers to the injustice that happened to him.
Arjun continued,”You know people change over time, all of us do. We evolve with the situations we are put into. Only those relations which change their chemistry in accordance to the change in the couple, survives, rest either perish or suffocate themselves. Over the past 2 years both Shilpa and Rakesh changed, but their change was not synchronous, their change was not acceptable to each other. They did try to work it out but things didn’t work as per their wish. They were both not really happy with the relation, and when I realized that I and Shilpa shared a relation which was beautiful which brought happiness to both of us ? We could not but carry forward this feeling. Krishna, feelings are not switches which can be switched on and off, neither are they easy to tame.”
Krishna was getting uneasy, he wandered what changed in him and Rupa that led to her falling in love with Harsha. He wandered where did he go wrong? It had been more than 2 months since Rupa had told him about Harsha, but he still could not find the answer to what kindled this, what forced her to leave him after 4 years? What is that one thing that he lacks and harsh has? He spent sleepless nights comparing himself and Harsha. He now thought perhaps Arjun was right, perhaps Rupa is happier with Harsha than she was with him. But in the entire episode he is the loser, atleast they both are happy but what about him? He looked at Arjun, and realized what Arjun had said that they actually were getting their answers from each other. He saw shades of Harsha in Arjun and he knew that Arjun was understanding the agony of Rakesh through him. He said ,” But what about Rakesh, great to know that you and Shilpa are happy with each other , but what about him ? he loses everything? Just because you bumped into their peaceful life.” There was sarcasm in his voice, he wished he could rephrase the question.
Arjun did not expect sarcasm from Krishna, in days which were normal he would have replied with an equal sarcasm or atleast would have showed a little bit of anger, but the days were not like before,today Krishna was the only guy who came and spoke to him since his love for Shilpa was made public by Rakesh. More than this it was through him that Arjun was trying to understand Rakesh. He said in a composed yet firm tone, “If they had to live their life together just because of their commitment despite knowing that they are not happy with each other. They would have to live forever by compromising. The little comfort left in their relation would have been completely erased and only the feeling of hatred would be there, they would have become completely void of happiness. Would that have been better? Now at least there is a hope that I and Shilpa would be be Happy? And Rakesh has an opportunity to start afresh, yes it is unfair to him, but Krishna certain things are not in our control, Like I said feelings are not Switches. If not now,he would have known one fine day that she fell in love with me. Then could he live a happy life? Life would have been more unfair to him then, it’s better that he came to know now atleast he has time to recover and start again.” Arjun was not sure if what he said made sense to Krishna, but he had thought over this umpteen number of times. He tried to look at this from all the possible perspectives before he told about this to Rakesh. Everytime he reached the same conclusion that now atleast there is a hope for happiness.
The night was coming to an end, a new dawn was about to be born. The environment was similar to Krishna’s mind. When he came here at midnight he had nothing but hatred in his mind for Harsha and was having double thoughts about his friendship with Arjun just like many others. Now however after listening to Arjun his perception was changing, he was trying to accept the fact that no one is at fault. Human mind behaves absurdly at times. We love and hate many people without any logical reason I guess that’s why they are called emotions. He had realized maybe he is no less than Harsha but there was something between Rupa and Harsha, which simply did not exist between Rupa and him. He was beginning to drive out the hatred in his mind and the bitterness in his soul. He realized that its better that he is facing the situation now, what if he had got married to Rupa and they had kids and then he was told about Rupa’s love for Harsh. Things would have been catastrophic then. He was glad he talked to Arjun instead of behaving like other friends who deserted him right when he needed them the most. He thought love was after all a beautiful feeling not a sense of achievement, so what if he could not achieve Rupa, this did not change his love for her. Atleast she would be happy and he knew he would be too.
The bottle of Vodka was empty now, and so was Arjun’s mind. When he came to terrace he was doubting all his decisions, now after talking to Krishna he knew he took the right decision. He understood the reason behind Rakesh’s vengeance. He knew now that Rakesh must have been in terrible agony hence he took the ghastly steps of publicizing their secrets. He wished that someone would answer Rakesh’s questions too just like he answered Krishna’s, perhaps things would have been better.
We should never draw inference of a situation based on what people say, we should remember that every coin has two sides.
Love is not the feeling of accomplishment it is not about achieving. It can never be forced on or off a person,It’s not about reciprocation Instead It’s a beautiful feeling which comes in the right time, right place for the right person. It’s a feeling that makes us smile and wish happiness for the person we love even if that results in tears in our own eyes.