Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Being Judgemental !


We the Homo sapiens are judgmental. We have an opinion about everything - living or non living, humans or animals, we opine about everything. I guess that's what makes us human, our thinking ability, but there are times, when it is this very ability which makes us forget that we are humans also because "we can care and love."

We all have this habit of framing opinion about every person we meet- good/bad/ethical/unethical; but are we really equipped to do that? Generally we frame our opinion based on the small duration of time, for which we meet the other person, which generally ranges from one hour to a couple of weeks, but is this frame of time sufficient? I don't think so! A couple of weeks are a very minuscule part of our lifetime. Everyone of us are what we are because of the environment we are brought up in , the kind of people we have met, the situations we have faced, all of these and much more define our persona. Then how can we judge a person in a couple of weeks.

Have you ever wondered why each one of us is so different, some are humble some proud, some caring, some ruthless. Well, the situations which we have been till then are responsible for the label. Not that we should care for everyone and love everyone, but at least we can stop judging people, hating people for one incident, for that one day when things were just not where they were supposed to be. Each one of us is different, each one us have an angel and satin inside. It is this diversity which makes life so colorful. If we attempt to take a peek inside the life of the people whom we don't like for x,y,z reason or people whom we have branded as "bad, selfish", we would understand the exact reason for them being so.

Today, we seldom have the time or opportunity to understand the life of the people around us, because we are "busy people" obsessed with our own life. Since we can’t spare time, why shouldn't we give the people around us the benefit of doubt! Why shouldn't we just accept the people the way they are, and if we dint like them, assume something terrible must have happened that made them that way.

We should not judge anyone based on a particular incident or occasion, because human mind is complex, we all behave absurdly at times. To truly frame an opinion about someone , we need to know him/ her for a really long time, we need to know, how he /she is, as a complete person, only then we are equipped to label them.

None among us is good or bad, it is the situation which is so!

34 comments:

simar said...

There's good in everyone. You only need to see it.

Google "Appreciative Inquiry"...you'll like the concept.

Well expressed Arnav! :)

Keep writing!

Arnav said...

@ Simar
True, we all have a angel inside us, if only we can keep our eyes open...

Thanks for the visit

Keep Visiting :)

kavita said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
kavita said...

Hi Arnav, Very well written ...I many a time feel that we start hating people for their differences ...But isn't that an important aspect of their individuality..We should love people for what makes them so marvelously different ..Shouldn't we?

Arnav said...

@Kavita

Welcome to my blog :)
Yes , so truly put we should love people for their differences because thats what defines them and makes our life colorful :)


Keep Visiting and Smiling :)

Ekam said...

Sometimes not even couple of weeks or even years are not enough to know a person. We can't say a person is right or wrong and moreover, we don't have a right to say so. But then as you said, its human's nature to be judgmental and knowing or unknowingly, we have an opinion for everything and everybody.

Arnav said...

@Ekam

Ya true, sometimes no span of time is enough to know a person .. We should not label a person right/wrong as the situations are to be blamed and not the people involved...

Rakesh Vanamali said...

Although I try to be non judgemental, I end up being just that! Sadly!

Arnav said...

@Rakesh,
well sadly we all do that, but we can definitely give it a try ,,,,

Keep Visiting and Smiling :)

Indrajit said...

Aptly written! Just to add on to it -People in this world have enough time to peel into others lives. PRobably that's one fo their stress busters - the feel that they are better off than those in whose lives they are intruding.

Good post.. Tc

olive oyl said...

a really nice blog. tell me about being judgemental. i crib about this habit of mine all the time ;)

but then theres good in everyone. situation makes them be otherwise. or else it's the genes and the neanderthal-like spirit ;)

PostMan said...

very well said....this fact has occured to me a zillion times of hw we judge ppl n why we judge ppl....i am one amongst them who sometimes judge ppl on the fly though i have strongly felt its not right....every person has the right to be the way he/she wants to and thats the beauty of mankind....i have learned slowly not to judge people and rather live and enjoy the difference in their character that makes them unique off late :).....infact i have been planning to blog on this soon.....:)

Mahesh Sindbandge said...

Beauty Arnav.....Thats something every human being on earth should understand...

One shouldnt judge one a person to early before knowing them but thats like asking a lion not to eat you when he is hungry.

Very nice post :)

Keep writing.

Arnav said...

@Indrajit

So true !

Thanks for the visit :)

Keep Visiting and Smiling :)

Arnav said...

@Olive oyl

Welcome to my blog :)

Well a there is definitely good in everyone :)


Keep Visiting and Smiling :)

Arnav said...

@Mahesh


Thanks for the visit :)

Keep Visiting and Smiling :)

Stupidosaur said...

The Satin in me speaketh:

"Each one of us has angel and satin inside? Wow, very comfy world ;)"

Urvashi said...

Nice post..so true...We Humans start judging people right form the time we see them....!!!

I have myself known thta so many times, my judments about people and behaviour were wrong because I had judged them on the basis of a situation..In the long run, you get to know people better .The important point is you must be open to modifying your own judgements in the due course..!!!

Keep writing..!! :)

Shantnu Singh said...

We all go through experiences in life.... that changes us, and that itself gives us a opinion. An opinion can be positively seen as a safety alarm which warns us of people who might harm us as people with similar properties have done earlier. As we have lived more, we have had experiences good and bad with different people, and we have tried by our basic intelligence to register properties of people who have hurt us/helped us before so that it is easier to identify them again. our intelligince being naive we all make mistakes in forming those tell tale signs of people. but as we experience more and more our judgements slowly start becoming more and more realistic..... there is nothing wrong in that.

And yes no one is inherently bad or good, of course its all relative, but we also have to live relatively with people who behave towards us in a certain way.... all humans being so different in bringing up, its not possible to understand everybody's psyche and form a correct opinion on them, we have to go along with people who match us to at least a certain level at start. And strangely when we form opinions about people we obtain our own character and behaviour which may be liked or disliked by other people thus forming their opinions!! ...... enouggh!, i would go on :P :P


Very thought provoking article, im thoroughly confused now!

Shantnu Singh said...

@postman --u said--( ""i have learned slowly not to judge people and rather live and enjoy the difference in their character that makes them unique off late"")

deciding to live and enjoy the difference doesnt mean you have stopped having opinions about people, or being judgemental, its just acceptance of the difference which you have realised in the first place due to the opinion you formed about them! :) . but yes, acceptance of 2 things :
1. Different people are interesting, they increasing our experiences of life
2. our judgements can be wrong, and we should keep updating them with latest inputs!!, just like stock markets reflect latest news!!

these two things kept in mind, make your day a better day ! :)

Arnav said...

@Shantanu

Welcome to my blog :)

Well said bro !
Our opinions are based on the experiences we had and rightly said we try to match the traits of those who have hurt us/ loved us with the new person and thus make a judgement. However the traits may not map exactly, I have learnt lately that it s better not to have an opinion at all, than classify someone . Because though we may not like them , they may have petty good reasons for behaving the way they did, which may be correct in their own sense . The moment we make a judgement , we block our brain and think about that person only with that perception in mind ..
Though we need to get along with those, whose frequency matches with us , but that doesn't mean that the people with other frequencies are well bad.
Your comment for postman reminds me of your caption " happiness is acceptance "


Keep Visiting and Smiling :)

Arnav said...

@stupidosaur

Welcome to my blog :) ha ha yes very comfy world :)

@Urvashi
Thanks :) yes we need to be open to update our opinions ... :)


Keep visiting and Smiling :)

dizzy said...

aptly written....v true too...i try hard not to...but at times it becomes imp to know an opinion abt a person...if say u want to start interaction on a professional level..u tend to find out abt the person...it helps sometimes!

Arnav said...

@Dizzy

yes it perhaps help to have an opinion before meeting a person for the first time ... But over te long run we ten to judge that person based on that opinion, we get biased ...

Keep Visiting and Smiling :)

Shubhra said...

Really a nice write up.But if one would stop to be judgemental then how wld we differ in persons whom we want to be close n share our feelings....... we can have everyone in our life.So being bit judgemental is needed in life. And even sometimes the whole life passes on n u cnt judge a person correctly........ Our judgement totally depends on the nature n the way the person pretends to be in front of you.

Escapist said...

The statement at the end is very true...no one is bad but the situation makes it.....


Jollieesss:-)

Jaunty anima said...

nOW THAT MADE ME THINK!!!
sUPERB POST!!:)

CMiranda said...

I fully agree with your opinion Arnav.

I think that is the best approach of life one can have.

Although if we take the thought further, asking someone to not be judgmental, not knowing the reasons and conditions, isn't it being judgmental already?

Gautam Anand said...

I couldn't have agreed more.. bcoz more often than not I make mistake of judging ppl on 1st impression..

In b/w, inviting you to read my new poem .. at my blog..

Arnav said...

@Shubhra

well yeah right , we need to have a fair idea of the person in front ... but the decision whom to be close to and not, does depend on our judgement on the person but we need not classify him as good / bad , coz its the way we think him/her to be.. we may chose not be close to that person ..

Arnav said...

@Escapist

Thanks for the visit :) glad you liked it :)

Arnav said...

@Jaunty anima
Thanks a lot :)

am glad it did :)

Keep visiting :)

Arnav said...

@CMiranda

True, actually yes asking someone not to be judgmental is being judgmental ...

but then everything would be so, but perhaps we can still carry on with the belief of believing "not being judgmental" by not asking others to do so, by practicing it ourselves :)

Arnav said...

@Gautam Anand

Thanks for the visit :)
keep visiting :)