God - Bhagwan - Allah - Jesus , we know him by so many names. I am a strong believer of god and completely believe that he exists , but there are certain questions that keep puzzling me, god truly is mysterious. I have till now found two kinds of believer's of God, one who seeks a friend in the almighty and the other who finds the solace of a parent in him. I somehow don't agree with both completely.
I feel though God is as caring as a mother, as supportive as father, as loving as a friend, yet there are certain questions in my mind that forbid me to accept this completely. God does take care of us like we are his children , but doesn't it make us far from him, We don't tell everything to our parents do we, now those of you who disagree please think again , I am sure your parents do not know EVERYTHING about you, but God knows everything right. Our Parents do punish us for our wrong doings ,but they never do anything that leaves us disturbed for the entire lifetime.
I often question , innocent men being killed, women being raped and children being abused and the only justification I get is that people have to pay for their deeds ,if not in this birth then in the next but one has to pay. This seems logical and fair enough but it doesn't make god a Parent does it? If God was a parent then perhaps he would teach the villains of the society a lesson , but he would not have allowed his daughter get raped , his kids being abused.
This is also the reason why I do not think God is a friend , because friends are not judgmental , they accept us the way we are. the best of friends are those who not only accept each others positives but also their negatives. How can a friend allow his friend to be in pain , I personally will never be able to see my best friends in pain , if they are wrong I would perhaps help them realize their mistakes but would not punish them for sure.
From time immemorial , priests, Pundits, maulvis have shown us a fixed path to nirvana. There are fixed procedures in all the religions which is to be followed in order to please the almighty even at the cost of human pain and misery. Priceless lives are lost in the name of sacrifice. If God is either a parent or a Friend how can he be happy at such a sight. The plight of widows in India is pitiful, they are still expected to live a life without colors, and happiness. If God is a parent or Friend , why would he not bring happiness to their life?
Yes the reason which I would get is that they all are paying a price for their "Karma" - their deeds. Right but IF my children or best friend does something wrong I would rather forgive him then give him/her such a harsh punishment. No please do not think I don't believe in god, as I have already mentioned I have every reason to believe in his existence, but I am just digging out the various mysteries of God.
So if God is not a friend nor a parent then who actually is he?
I think god is just a divine power and we need not personify him and seek a friend or a parent in him.We should just believe in his existence and in Karma. I completely agree that it is our karma which decide our fate and God keeps a track of all our deeds the good ones and the bad ones. We live a life of choices which we have made .
The almighty simply gives us the courage to live the life we have been given, he is there to show us the right path, to help us get up when we fall down. He is there not as a friend nor as a Father but simply as a divine power, watching us all the time.
These is but my way of perceiving god. I believe that in whatever way way you look at god , he is there , always. Whichever path we take to reach out to the divine power is correct but only if it is not at the cost of someones happiness.
Our deeds are correct if it makes us happy at the end , but of course only if they do not hurt anyone.
So Stay happy and bring a smile to everyones face around you and life will be just fine.
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Saturday, November 8, 2008
Hum bhi insaan hain !!!
The Room was dimly lighted and was painted white, patches of paint were peeling off giving the feel that the room had not been painted for at least 2 years, The furniture complimented this dull look. Arjun and Amar were about 23 years, they were first cousins . Arjun's parents were not in the house and were about to come back anytime.
Arjun, "Amar this was the best day I ever had, but dear I will miss you ," , Arjun took Amar's hand in his , and said,"Bhai nothing can change what we feel for each other, and that is what is important , I wish I could go with you to New York , but its ok, I am glad you made it... but please do not forget me ." Arjun hugged amar, and suddenly the bell rang . Arjun opened the door , His parents had returned. Mr and Mrs Gokhale were looking for a bride for Arjun , strangely they kept Arjun out of this. Mrs.Gokale hugged Arjun, "Beta I am very happy for you , I am sure you will like Shreya". Arjun smiled as he had first thought that accolades was for the admission he had got in an esteemed University in New Delhi, but then he couldn't quite understand where Shreya came into the picture."who shreya?". Mrs.Gokale had a smile , "beta we have found the girl for you, shreya is one in a million, we have just met her family, ". Arjun was shocked ,"What are you talking about ma? You should have asked me once.." He walked towards amar, tried to say something but turned towards his dad and said, "Dad you should have at least asked me once before taking an step..". Mrs.Gokhale did anticipate that Arjun would not take this easily but then she thought she knew everything about her son, " Beta I know you, she is the perfect girl for you, She likes Jazz just like you do, She is also an computer engineer , take a look at her picture, I am sure you would like her.".
Arjun looked at Amar, and spoke to him without uttering a word, Amar simply nodded his head in negative. Arjun wanted to tell something to his parents from a long time , however he never gathered the courage to do so. He felt this was the moment to tell his parents else he would have to be a prisoner of his own body like many others throughout his life but he wanted to be free.
"ma... papa I wanted to tell you something , which I know You both will not take it in the right spirits but I can't live with this duality any more, I need a life, I am fed up of this hypocrisy.. " . Mrs.Gokale looked worried she had never seen her son so tensed.
Amar was pale white, he knew what was coming up but did not know how to react. He walked towards Arjun ,"Bhai whatever you say please think it over again ." Arjun was stern." I know what I have to say, something I should have said long long ago .
I can't marry shreya because I am a homosexual. " Mrs.Gokale couldnt believe her ears she sat down on the nearest chair available. Mr.Gokale went across the room to Arjun and slapped him hard,"Do you even know what you are talking about? Beta Amar what is he saying ? were you aware of all these??", his eyes reflected anger and his face was like a stone.
Amar was speechless he was more like a statue. Tears were flowing out of Arjun's eyes. Arjun walked towards his mother, and sat near her feet, he kept his head on her lap and said , "ma please understand me, I have been living in hell for 22 years, I feel like I am trapped in my own body, Ma please understand I cant marry shreya.." Mrs.Gokale got up, and moved towards her husband, "what is happening, what will we say to the society ".
Mr.Gokahle said with a stern voice,"Arjun you have said enough, Now listen you will marry shreya . whatever has happened , forget it . If you speak like this outside this house the entire society would shun us." Ajun looked at his father,"Dad can you please think about this situation from my side, I don't love her, I would not be attracted towards her, still we would have to live together, it would be a living hell.please understand your son, Amar please say something , bhai do not stand there like a statue tell them.. the dilemma we face , tell them it would be equally painful for shreya".He turned towards his ma, " ma you are a woman , ask yourself how would you react if your husband was not straight , what would you do if you come to know that he married you for the society".
Amar spoke with a tensed tone,"Arjun uncle is right, whatever has happened is history you should get married to shreya. "
Arjun could not believe his ears, "bhai at least you don't speak like this, you know how much I love you, I need you by my side now bhai do not desert me please .." . Amar could not believe what he had just heard, he knew he was being a coward , but he did not have a choice , he had to go to New York for pursuing MS, and if he gets caught in this trouble then his parents would refuse to fund him, he went towards Arjun and slapped him with such anger that Arjun fell down to the floor, blood was oozing out from his mouth. He knew this anger was not for Arjun but for himself as he lacked the courage to face the society. Amar said,"What the hell are you saying. I do not love you, I am straight, Do not drag me into this. You are just jealous of me , as you cannot go to New York you are defaming me, you are a shameful perjurer and nothing else . "
Arjun was in a state of shock , he watched helplessly as amar walked out of the house. "ma I am not lying please at least you understand me , you always said that you understood me completely please now I need you ma ." He could not complete what he was saying, Mr.Gokale caught Arjun by the arm and dragged him out of the house,"You shameless brat , how can you play with the family image and Amar that lovely boy you can't even appreciate the hard work he had put in to get a seat for MS. Now you dare not show me your face till you decide to marry shreya. If you want to live a life against the society please don't call me you father think we are no longer there go wherever you want to go just get out "
Arjun was left helpless in the footpath in front of his house, the house where he was born , the house which he thought belonged to him , to his family, the house where he was raped when he was 12 years by the same man whom he called MAMA, the man who did not even spare Amar, and now again he was helpless, bleeding and hurt. He wanted to scream his lungs out , feebly he said," ma please don't do this to me, your beloved brother on whom you have so much pride had snatched away my innocence when I was 12, then you did not help me, because I did not tell you, today I am telling you please ma don't leave me. Help me ma "
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The road in front of the cemetery was empty but for arjun who was sitting at the foots of the great peepal tree,he resembled a dead body , he had no expression, the breeze which was blowing failed to absorb his pain. Sukhmani the local eunuch, was passing by, she was 40 years old, and was proud of what she was. She saw arjun , she knew by experience that this man was in trouble but she also knew that like everyone else he would also insult her . She walked towards Arjun, she could see by his attire that he was from a middle class family. She saw his face had no expression , his eyes were like stone, he was staring into infinity. She walked right up to Arjun and demanded money in the traditional style of local eunachs where the dialogue was accompanied by atleast a dozen claps and laced with abuses, and threats to expose her private parts. Arjun looked at her with indifference , "I do not have anything to give you ,as a matter of fact I don't have anything to give me either. please leave me ..".
He said this with a dead tone, Sukhmani felt that this guy needed help. His voice and his tone had a feminine touch to it.
20 years ago there was someone else in the same place where he is now. His pain reminded her of what he has gone through . She just hoped that his was not the same case .
Sukhmani was also shunned by the society because she (then he) was more feminine then the normal society , and finally she had to leave her house to join the eunachs because there at least she could behave the way she wanted to, among them she found friends who understood how she felt as they also felt the same. That one incident changed the entire course of her life.
Her intution was telling her that the guy sitting in front of her had similar problems.Perhaps he also had no where to go, but how could she help? She was afraid to ask directly as her help was generally not taken in the right spirits. That one incident always made her shiver, it was the day when she was expected to die by everybody in her colony including her father . But now she wanted to desperately help this young man and not get lost in those bad memories.
Arjun's mind had a conglomeration of thoughts ,he was not sure of what to do. If he went back to his house he would have to marry shreya, which he could not do,as he knew that he would not be able to give her the love of a husband, and he had no right to spoil an innocent person's life. He was still not able to hate amar for what he had done, he loved him so much, they had been together from child hood and right when he wanted his support ,amar dumped him ! , how could he do this , that was the only question in him mind. Arjun's phone was ringing from a long time, it was his ma, but he did not recieve the call because he knew that she would not understand him, for her the social image was more important than happiness of her son.He picked up the phone to switch it off but this time amar was calling him.
Arjun had to speak to him, he had to ask what made his love changed to indifference. What made him abandon the person whom he called bhai..
"Amar why did you do this to me ??" he couldn't complete, tears were flowing out of his eyes.
"Arjun why are you being impractical? i still love you.. but I cannot accept this in front of the society. Uncle and aunty are still not able to cope up with the news, where the hell are you come back, your parents need you.."
"you of all the people you are telling me this. If i go back I would have to mary shreya, I cannot live a life of duality, I just cant, I feel like I am prisonor in my own body.I cannot go back, I dont know where I would go but I cant go back home.I cannot be a hypocrite like you."
Arjun saw the eunuch looking at him with eyes full of tears , he didn't know what to do, he realized that he had been screaming..
Amar, " enough of your nonsence come back home now, where is the problem, come back get married,you have to do it,you call me a hypocrite , I don't care. at least this way everyone is happy , my parents are proud of me... I am having fun.. what's wrong in this.... "
Arjun suddenly felt that he was speaking to a stranger... He kept the phone down..
Sukhmani came close to Arjun ,and sat down beside him, " Beta do you need any help.. You remind me of my past. . I was your age when I left home and decided to go my way... I had no where to go "
Arjun had read about the lives of Eunuchs, He knew that many of the eunuchs are not born that way instead they were men like him who feel like women and hence decide to live life that way. Her eyes were watery by now,they reflected the trauma she must have gone through.
Sukhmani thought loudly ," If lakshmi mai was not there I would have not been there today,She protected me like a mother protects her child, That one night changed everything my life. " She wiped off her tears and looked at Arjun with a warm smile, " Beta Do you need help " . He couldn't help but ask himself, If it was him who needed help or was it her?
He smiled back , trying best not to look helpless ," No I am doing fine , just a bit of normal fight with family..." .
Sukhmani got up, " Ok then as you wish, ", She knew although that he would need her help sooner or later.
He lied there quite helpless. He realized that he had no where to go now , because of Amar's possessiveness he never could make another friend and thats what he needed now a friend who could help him.
1 month later :
Arjun now lived with sukhmani , he was now among one of them . Sukhmani had got him there after she found him in the same place day after day without food or shelter , He had refused to go with her initially but when he suffered from high fever and he had no control over himself, she bought him to her house with the help of her friends. Later he CHOSE to stay as there he felt there he could be how he always wanted to be - he was a WOMAN now, he called himself Sarah.
Later he was told by other friends the horrendous incident which Sukhmani always referred to.
It was when she was 22 years of age , and lived her parents in a remote town in Tamil Nadu, her name then was Sagar than. Few of her college mates had spread the news in her community that she ( then he) was a gay, and that was the end of his happiness the entire community shunned his family and his family cursed him day and night ,He bore it all as his family meant the world to him and he simply could not leave till one night , when around 10 pm he had gone to buy milk in the neighborhood shop , when on the way 3 guys, started assaulting him ,they thrashed him because he was a gay . In front of his own house where he was born and brought up now he was being beaten up by drunkards, he kept shouting for help but nobody came to save him not even his father. Things were going a bit too far , the guys were now poking him with a knife , all over the body . Blood was oozing out from each part of his body, He was numb then. He felt nothing , his life would have ended that night but for lakshmi mai. When the entire neighborhood had lost its conscience , a group of 6 Eunuchs came to his rescue , they saved him and were taking him back to his house , but his own father refused him shelter when his own son was bleeding to death. lakshmi mai took sagar to her house , and healed his wounds , and thus Sukhmani was born from Sagar.Arjun now realized why , Sukhmani had been so protective about him right from the starting.
As days passed by Arjun soon started to learn how their community worked , and was soon a part of it all as Sarah .
They now went together to the houses where a baby was born , Initially Sarah felt humiliated to beg for money but soon realized she had no other choice.
It was 11 pm , she was with Sukhmani , both of them were returning from work , and were happy as they had earned quite a lot for that day . Sarah was walking on the same road where she had spent her childhood. She was telling Sukhmani excerpts from her childhood. Sarah wandered if her parents searched for her , if Amar still loved her . She was contemplating that amar must have gone to USA and her parents must have taken her to be dead. A Strange feeling made her shiver . The road was darker than usual , they realized that the Street Lamps were not functioning . Most of shops had closed , the only shop opened was the medical shop nearby. Suddenly a bike came near sarah and started passing obscene comments. This was the first time sarah was facing such a situation , but Sukhmani was used to this , she started abusing back, But those guys were not affected by her threats. Sarah just kept numb she did not knew how to react .She grasped Sukhmani's hand and held it tightly. One of them got down and started snatching Sarah 's jewelry and her purse , Sukhmani tried to intervene , when the guy who was on the bike grasped her hair and started the bike, he dragged Sukhmani into darkness. Sarah shouted for help, but there was no one around . She wanted to go and save Sukhmani, but now her own life was at stake. The scream of Sukhmani was echoing in her ears . The guy had already snatched away all her jewelry , and was now trying to snatch her purse. The purse which had all the money they had earned for the day. Sarah protested, she knew it was going to be a tough fight.The man called her unfit for the society, started kicking her , she still hold her purse as tightly, it was not a fight for the money ,it was the fight against her dignity.She soon realized that Sukhmani could be in greater danger perhaps. She gave away her purse, but the man's agitation did not stop, he started slapping her , she had started bleeding ,her protest was in vain.
As soon as the hooligan walked away from Sarah , she got up and started running in the direction where Sukhmani was dragged into . She suddenly saw her lying on the road, people crossing her simply chose to ignore her. Sarah ran towards her, only to find that she was in immense pain . Sarah shouted for help, people simply gave her a sorry look and kept walking. Some people laughed at them and said that they deserved it as they were the curse for the society. Sarah looked at Sukhmani , she needed immediate medical help ,but she was not in a position to walk . Sarah realized that she had seen a medical shop nearby. She ran towards the shop. Little did she know that a Eunuch has no civil rights in our civil society.
She went to the shopkeeper told her that she had no money , but she would return the money the next day. She pledged him to come and see Sukhumani once. She was in tears , but all she got from him was curses , he simply refuse to help her.
Sarah was shocked the same medical shopkeeper who was helpful and courteous to Arjun , was now abusive to Sarah, She wanted to scream , she kept pledging but soon realized that it was of no help.
She now ran like a mad woman amidst the few people who were there at that late an hour . She somehow managed to get a bottle of water .She went to Sukhmani washed her face. Sukhmani mumbled, " There is no point seeking help , no one would help,us" .
Sarah had realized that she would not get help there. She alone could not pick Sukhmani up either. She knew if they did not return by morning , their friends in the clan would come searching for them and would find them . She had no other choice but to wait , she sat down beside Sukhmani , held her hand , and waited for the darkness to get over. Suddenly someone dropped a 50 INR beside Sarah, she looked up and was transfixed. A lady had taken pity on them and had donated the amount, The lady was about to leave when , Sarah held he feet and whispered ,"sorry ". The lady at first did not realize what was happening , but the moment she looked into sarah eyes, she couldn't move either. She glanced at Sarah's neck and found a mole- it was her birthmark. Tears started flowing out of both her and Sarah's eyes. She wanted to speak so much but couldn't utter a word, She wanted to help , but she knew her husband would never allow her to do so. She took out another 500 INR and placed it on Sarahs hand. Her Husband stood few meters away , he was asking her to come fast as it was well past midnight.
She started walking towards her husband , away from Sarah. Sarah kept looking at the empty road where the couple vanished into darkness .
Sarah eyes were red, hew face was white, she resembled a dead body, she was questioning the sanity of the society in her mind, she was questioning those beliefs that forbid a mother to help her own son, those conventions which made a father forget his son . Soon the red eyes gave in and tears started flowing out from her eyes and she howled like a mad, all that came out from her mouth was "MA".
Arjun, "Amar this was the best day I ever had, but dear I will miss you ," , Arjun took Amar's hand in his , and said,"Bhai nothing can change what we feel for each other, and that is what is important , I wish I could go with you to New York , but its ok, I am glad you made it... but please do not forget me ." Arjun hugged amar, and suddenly the bell rang . Arjun opened the door , His parents had returned. Mr and Mrs Gokhale were looking for a bride for Arjun , strangely they kept Arjun out of this. Mrs.Gokale hugged Arjun, "Beta I am very happy for you , I am sure you will like Shreya". Arjun smiled as he had first thought that accolades was for the admission he had got in an esteemed University in New Delhi, but then he couldn't quite understand where Shreya came into the picture."who shreya?". Mrs.Gokale had a smile , "beta we have found the girl for you, shreya is one in a million, we have just met her family, ". Arjun was shocked ,"What are you talking about ma? You should have asked me once.." He walked towards amar, tried to say something but turned towards his dad and said, "Dad you should have at least asked me once before taking an step..". Mrs.Gokhale did anticipate that Arjun would not take this easily but then she thought she knew everything about her son, " Beta I know you, she is the perfect girl for you, She likes Jazz just like you do, She is also an computer engineer , take a look at her picture, I am sure you would like her.".
Arjun looked at Amar, and spoke to him without uttering a word, Amar simply nodded his head in negative. Arjun wanted to tell something to his parents from a long time , however he never gathered the courage to do so. He felt this was the moment to tell his parents else he would have to be a prisoner of his own body like many others throughout his life but he wanted to be free.
"ma... papa I wanted to tell you something , which I know You both will not take it in the right spirits but I can't live with this duality any more, I need a life, I am fed up of this hypocrisy.. " . Mrs.Gokale looked worried she had never seen her son so tensed.
Amar was pale white, he knew what was coming up but did not know how to react. He walked towards Arjun ,"Bhai whatever you say please think it over again ." Arjun was stern." I know what I have to say, something I should have said long long ago .
I can't marry shreya because I am a homosexual. " Mrs.Gokale couldnt believe her ears she sat down on the nearest chair available. Mr.Gokale went across the room to Arjun and slapped him hard,"Do you even know what you are talking about? Beta Amar what is he saying ? were you aware of all these??", his eyes reflected anger and his face was like a stone.
Amar was speechless he was more like a statue. Tears were flowing out of Arjun's eyes. Arjun walked towards his mother, and sat near her feet, he kept his head on her lap and said , "ma please understand me, I have been living in hell for 22 years, I feel like I am trapped in my own body, Ma please understand I cant marry shreya.." Mrs.Gokale got up, and moved towards her husband, "what is happening, what will we say to the society ".
Mr.Gokahle said with a stern voice,"Arjun you have said enough, Now listen you will marry shreya . whatever has happened , forget it . If you speak like this outside this house the entire society would shun us." Ajun looked at his father,"Dad can you please think about this situation from my side, I don't love her, I would not be attracted towards her, still we would have to live together, it would be a living hell.please understand your son, Amar please say something , bhai do not stand there like a statue tell them.. the dilemma we face , tell them it would be equally painful for shreya".He turned towards his ma, " ma you are a woman , ask yourself how would you react if your husband was not straight , what would you do if you come to know that he married you for the society".
Amar spoke with a tensed tone,"Arjun uncle is right, whatever has happened is history you should get married to shreya. "
Arjun could not believe his ears, "bhai at least you don't speak like this, you know how much I love you, I need you by my side now bhai do not desert me please .." . Amar could not believe what he had just heard, he knew he was being a coward , but he did not have a choice , he had to go to New York for pursuing MS, and if he gets caught in this trouble then his parents would refuse to fund him, he went towards Arjun and slapped him with such anger that Arjun fell down to the floor, blood was oozing out from his mouth. He knew this anger was not for Arjun but for himself as he lacked the courage to face the society. Amar said,"What the hell are you saying. I do not love you, I am straight, Do not drag me into this. You are just jealous of me , as you cannot go to New York you are defaming me, you are a shameful perjurer and nothing else . "
Arjun was in a state of shock , he watched helplessly as amar walked out of the house. "ma I am not lying please at least you understand me , you always said that you understood me completely please now I need you ma ." He could not complete what he was saying, Mr.Gokale caught Arjun by the arm and dragged him out of the house,"You shameless brat , how can you play with the family image and Amar that lovely boy you can't even appreciate the hard work he had put in to get a seat for MS. Now you dare not show me your face till you decide to marry shreya. If you want to live a life against the society please don't call me you father think we are no longer there go wherever you want to go just get out "
Arjun was left helpless in the footpath in front of his house, the house where he was born , the house which he thought belonged to him , to his family, the house where he was raped when he was 12 years by the same man whom he called MAMA, the man who did not even spare Amar, and now again he was helpless, bleeding and hurt. He wanted to scream his lungs out , feebly he said," ma please don't do this to me, your beloved brother on whom you have so much pride had snatched away my innocence when I was 12, then you did not help me, because I did not tell you, today I am telling you please ma don't leave me. Help me ma "
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The road in front of the cemetery was empty but for arjun who was sitting at the foots of the great peepal tree,he resembled a dead body , he had no expression, the breeze which was blowing failed to absorb his pain. Sukhmani the local eunuch, was passing by, she was 40 years old, and was proud of what she was. She saw arjun , she knew by experience that this man was in trouble but she also knew that like everyone else he would also insult her . She walked towards Arjun, she could see by his attire that he was from a middle class family. She saw his face had no expression , his eyes were like stone, he was staring into infinity. She walked right up to Arjun and demanded money in the traditional style of local eunachs where the dialogue was accompanied by atleast a dozen claps and laced with abuses, and threats to expose her private parts. Arjun looked at her with indifference , "I do not have anything to give you ,as a matter of fact I don't have anything to give me either. please leave me ..".
He said this with a dead tone, Sukhmani felt that this guy needed help. His voice and his tone had a feminine touch to it.
20 years ago there was someone else in the same place where he is now. His pain reminded her of what he has gone through . She just hoped that his was not the same case .
Sukhmani was also shunned by the society because she (then he) was more feminine then the normal society , and finally she had to leave her house to join the eunachs because there at least she could behave the way she wanted to, among them she found friends who understood how she felt as they also felt the same. That one incident changed the entire course of her life.
Her intution was telling her that the guy sitting in front of her had similar problems.Perhaps he also had no where to go, but how could she help? She was afraid to ask directly as her help was generally not taken in the right spirits. That one incident always made her shiver, it was the day when she was expected to die by everybody in her colony including her father . But now she wanted to desperately help this young man and not get lost in those bad memories.
Arjun's mind had a conglomeration of thoughts ,he was not sure of what to do. If he went back to his house he would have to marry shreya, which he could not do,as he knew that he would not be able to give her the love of a husband, and he had no right to spoil an innocent person's life. He was still not able to hate amar for what he had done, he loved him so much, they had been together from child hood and right when he wanted his support ,amar dumped him ! , how could he do this , that was the only question in him mind. Arjun's phone was ringing from a long time, it was his ma, but he did not recieve the call because he knew that she would not understand him, for her the social image was more important than happiness of her son.He picked up the phone to switch it off but this time amar was calling him.
Arjun had to speak to him, he had to ask what made his love changed to indifference. What made him abandon the person whom he called bhai..
"Amar why did you do this to me ??" he couldn't complete, tears were flowing out of his eyes.
"Arjun why are you being impractical? i still love you.. but I cannot accept this in front of the society. Uncle and aunty are still not able to cope up with the news, where the hell are you come back, your parents need you.."
"you of all the people you are telling me this. If i go back I would have to mary shreya, I cannot live a life of duality, I just cant, I feel like I am prisonor in my own body.I cannot go back, I dont know where I would go but I cant go back home.I cannot be a hypocrite like you."
Arjun saw the eunuch looking at him with eyes full of tears , he didn't know what to do, he realized that he had been screaming..
Amar, " enough of your nonsence come back home now, where is the problem, come back get married,you have to do it,you call me a hypocrite , I don't care. at least this way everyone is happy , my parents are proud of me... I am having fun.. what's wrong in this.... "
Arjun suddenly felt that he was speaking to a stranger... He kept the phone down..
Sukhmani came close to Arjun ,and sat down beside him, " Beta do you need any help.. You remind me of my past. . I was your age when I left home and decided to go my way... I had no where to go "
Arjun had read about the lives of Eunuchs, He knew that many of the eunuchs are not born that way instead they were men like him who feel like women and hence decide to live life that way. Her eyes were watery by now,they reflected the trauma she must have gone through.
Sukhmani thought loudly ," If lakshmi mai was not there I would have not been there today,She protected me like a mother protects her child, That one night changed everything my life. " She wiped off her tears and looked at Arjun with a warm smile, " Beta Do you need help " . He couldn't help but ask himself, If it was him who needed help or was it her?
He smiled back , trying best not to look helpless ," No I am doing fine , just a bit of normal fight with family..." .
Sukhmani got up, " Ok then as you wish, ", She knew although that he would need her help sooner or later.
He lied there quite helpless. He realized that he had no where to go now , because of Amar's possessiveness he never could make another friend and thats what he needed now a friend who could help him.
1 month later :
Arjun now lived with sukhmani , he was now among one of them . Sukhmani had got him there after she found him in the same place day after day without food or shelter , He had refused to go with her initially but when he suffered from high fever and he had no control over himself, she bought him to her house with the help of her friends. Later he CHOSE to stay as there he felt there he could be how he always wanted to be - he was a WOMAN now, he called himself Sarah.
Later he was told by other friends the horrendous incident which Sukhmani always referred to.
It was when she was 22 years of age , and lived her parents in a remote town in Tamil Nadu, her name then was Sagar than. Few of her college mates had spread the news in her community that she ( then he) was a gay, and that was the end of his happiness the entire community shunned his family and his family cursed him day and night ,He bore it all as his family meant the world to him and he simply could not leave till one night , when around 10 pm he had gone to buy milk in the neighborhood shop , when on the way 3 guys, started assaulting him ,they thrashed him because he was a gay . In front of his own house where he was born and brought up now he was being beaten up by drunkards, he kept shouting for help but nobody came to save him not even his father. Things were going a bit too far , the guys were now poking him with a knife , all over the body . Blood was oozing out from each part of his body, He was numb then. He felt nothing , his life would have ended that night but for lakshmi mai. When the entire neighborhood had lost its conscience , a group of 6 Eunuchs came to his rescue , they saved him and were taking him back to his house , but his own father refused him shelter when his own son was bleeding to death. lakshmi mai took sagar to her house , and healed his wounds , and thus Sukhmani was born from Sagar.Arjun now realized why , Sukhmani had been so protective about him right from the starting.
As days passed by Arjun soon started to learn how their community worked , and was soon a part of it all as Sarah .
They now went together to the houses where a baby was born , Initially Sarah felt humiliated to beg for money but soon realized she had no other choice.
It was 11 pm , she was with Sukhmani , both of them were returning from work , and were happy as they had earned quite a lot for that day . Sarah was walking on the same road where she had spent her childhood. She was telling Sukhmani excerpts from her childhood. Sarah wandered if her parents searched for her , if Amar still loved her . She was contemplating that amar must have gone to USA and her parents must have taken her to be dead. A Strange feeling made her shiver . The road was darker than usual , they realized that the Street Lamps were not functioning . Most of shops had closed , the only shop opened was the medical shop nearby. Suddenly a bike came near sarah and started passing obscene comments. This was the first time sarah was facing such a situation , but Sukhmani was used to this , she started abusing back, But those guys were not affected by her threats. Sarah just kept numb she did not knew how to react .She grasped Sukhmani's hand and held it tightly. One of them got down and started snatching Sarah 's jewelry and her purse , Sukhmani tried to intervene , when the guy who was on the bike grasped her hair and started the bike, he dragged Sukhmani into darkness. Sarah shouted for help, but there was no one around . She wanted to go and save Sukhmani, but now her own life was at stake. The scream of Sukhmani was echoing in her ears . The guy had already snatched away all her jewelry , and was now trying to snatch her purse. The purse which had all the money they had earned for the day. Sarah protested, she knew it was going to be a tough fight.The man called her unfit for the society, started kicking her , she still hold her purse as tightly, it was not a fight for the money ,it was the fight against her dignity.She soon realized that Sukhmani could be in greater danger perhaps. She gave away her purse, but the man's agitation did not stop, he started slapping her , she had started bleeding ,her protest was in vain.
As soon as the hooligan walked away from Sarah , she got up and started running in the direction where Sukhmani was dragged into . She suddenly saw her lying on the road, people crossing her simply chose to ignore her. Sarah ran towards her, only to find that she was in immense pain . Sarah shouted for help, people simply gave her a sorry look and kept walking. Some people laughed at them and said that they deserved it as they were the curse for the society. Sarah looked at Sukhmani , she needed immediate medical help ,but she was not in a position to walk . Sarah realized that she had seen a medical shop nearby. She ran towards the shop. Little did she know that a Eunuch has no civil rights in our civil society.
She went to the shopkeeper told her that she had no money , but she would return the money the next day. She pledged him to come and see Sukhumani once. She was in tears , but all she got from him was curses , he simply refuse to help her.
Sarah was shocked the same medical shopkeeper who was helpful and courteous to Arjun , was now abusive to Sarah, She wanted to scream , she kept pledging but soon realized that it was of no help.
She now ran like a mad woman amidst the few people who were there at that late an hour . She somehow managed to get a bottle of water .She went to Sukhmani washed her face. Sukhmani mumbled, " There is no point seeking help , no one would help,us" .
Sarah had realized that she would not get help there. She alone could not pick Sukhmani up either. She knew if they did not return by morning , their friends in the clan would come searching for them and would find them . She had no other choice but to wait , she sat down beside Sukhmani , held her hand , and waited for the darkness to get over. Suddenly someone dropped a 50 INR beside Sarah, she looked up and was transfixed. A lady had taken pity on them and had donated the amount, The lady was about to leave when , Sarah held he feet and whispered ,"sorry ". The lady at first did not realize what was happening , but the moment she looked into sarah eyes, she couldn't move either. She glanced at Sarah's neck and found a mole- it was her birthmark. Tears started flowing out of both her and Sarah's eyes. She wanted to speak so much but couldn't utter a word, She wanted to help , but she knew her husband would never allow her to do so. She took out another 500 INR and placed it on Sarahs hand. Her Husband stood few meters away , he was asking her to come fast as it was well past midnight.
She started walking towards her husband , away from Sarah. Sarah kept looking at the empty road where the couple vanished into darkness .
Sarah eyes were red, hew face was white, she resembled a dead body, she was questioning the sanity of the society in her mind, she was questioning those beliefs that forbid a mother to help her own son, those conventions which made a father forget his son . Soon the red eyes gave in and tears started flowing out from her eyes and she howled like a mad, all that came out from her mouth was "MA".
Saturday, August 2, 2008
The unforeseen
It was around 10 p.m, Mr Vivek Mukherjee had just finished his first peg of whiskey,the next day was suppose to be Ayesha's birth day .Ayesha was the reason why he still smiled, she was his 12 years old daughter and was the only reason why he still lived with Rama-his wife. He was planning a grand part the next day , when suddenly the phone rang and everything was changed. He picked up the phone in a lethargic manner assuming it to be for Rama, but the phone came from Mrs Bhaduri. He was told of the horrifying incident in which his Ayesha was raped by the very teacher whom he had assigned .
Vivek could not believe his ears, the glass of whiskey slipped from his hand, pieces of glass pierced through the photograph of Ayesha. The photograph was taken on the occasion of Ayesha's 5th B'day party . He removed the glass from the photograph, and asked himself, "will I ever be able to take out the pain from her soul". The cell phone rang this time and he realized that in a state of shock he forgot to replace the receiver of his land line phone hence the call in his cell phone. It was Mrs Bhaduri again, she asked him to come to mangeshakar hospital immediately.
He went to his bedroom. The very look of Rama disgusted him , she had applied a face pack on her face and was combing her hair when he entered the room , he wanted to blame her for everything . Suddenly he saw Ayesha's doll beside Rama and he could not hold back his tears , he fell down on the ground .
Rama looked at him indifferently and said, " honey, please don't come to my room when you are drunk, it affects my peace of mind, please leave".
Vivek looked at rama with anger , and was about to reply with an equal sarcasm but the doll beside her reminded him of Ayesha. She always said with,"papa please you don't fight with mummy, at least you keep you cool", and Vivek always had to obey. He got up and walked towards rama and picked up the doll and cried profusely. Rama was not sure if it was the alcohol's affect or was something seriously wrong. She took Vivek's hand in hers and asked him what happened. This touch was made after a long time, she was confused as she had never seen Vivek in this state of mind. Vivek got conscious of the touch and walked towards the cupboard away from Rama.
He opened the cupboard and threw the ipod he had bought for Ayesha and screamed, " Rama, my Ayesha, our daughter our life , has been raped." saying this he started howling like mad .
Rama ran towards Vivek and slapped him and said, " Vivek please at least don't say nasty things about our daughter".
He placed his hand on her shoulders and looked into her eyes ,"Rama how I wish this was a lie, how I wish I was under the influence of alcohol , but the fact remains. Mrs Bhaduri had called , that devil, Anand , the man whom I had chosen to teach Ayesha, raped her". He could not say a word more, he hugged her and wept.
Rama was still in a state of shock , she could not believe what she had just heard, but the pain in Vivek's eyes authenticated the information.
Vivek said, " We have to leave immediately , she is admitted in maneshkar hospital and she needs us both now."
Vivek could not believe his ears, the glass of whiskey slipped from his hand, pieces of glass pierced through the photograph of Ayesha. The photograph was taken on the occasion of Ayesha's 5th B'day party . He removed the glass from the photograph, and asked himself, "will I ever be able to take out the pain from her soul". The cell phone rang this time and he realized that in a state of shock he forgot to replace the receiver of his land line phone hence the call in his cell phone. It was Mrs Bhaduri again, she asked him to come to mangeshakar hospital immediately.
He went to his bedroom. The very look of Rama disgusted him , she had applied a face pack on her face and was combing her hair when he entered the room , he wanted to blame her for everything . Suddenly he saw Ayesha's doll beside Rama and he could not hold back his tears , he fell down on the ground .
Rama looked at him indifferently and said, " honey, please don't come to my room when you are drunk, it affects my peace of mind, please leave".
Vivek looked at rama with anger , and was about to reply with an equal sarcasm but the doll beside her reminded him of Ayesha. She always said with,"papa please you don't fight with mummy, at least you keep you cool", and Vivek always had to obey. He got up and walked towards rama and picked up the doll and cried profusely. Rama was not sure if it was the alcohol's affect or was something seriously wrong. She took Vivek's hand in hers and asked him what happened. This touch was made after a long time, she was confused as she had never seen Vivek in this state of mind. Vivek got conscious of the touch and walked towards the cupboard away from Rama.
He opened the cupboard and threw the ipod he had bought for Ayesha and screamed, " Rama, my Ayesha, our daughter our life , has been raped." saying this he started howling like mad .
Rama ran towards Vivek and slapped him and said, " Vivek please at least don't say nasty things about our daughter".
He placed his hand on her shoulders and looked into her eyes ,"Rama how I wish this was a lie, how I wish I was under the influence of alcohol , but the fact remains. Mrs Bhaduri had called , that devil, Anand , the man whom I had chosen to teach Ayesha, raped her". He could not say a word more, he hugged her and wept.
Rama was still in a state of shock , she could not believe what she had just heard, but the pain in Vivek's eyes authenticated the information.
Vivek said, " We have to leave immediately , she is admitted in maneshkar hospital and she needs us both now."
Thursday, July 24, 2008
Are we NUMB???
Today was suppose to be just another day for hema, a 5 year girl living in the slums of Mumbai. Unlike the privileged children, she had no time to play. All she had to do during the day was to take care of her siblings and do the daily chores of the house. But today was not going to be as she had presumed,today was suppose to be the day when she would lose herself to the evils of the society. She had gone to nearby shop to buy biscuits. But she could not reach the shop because her beloved uncle called her inside his house and RAPED her. He Raped his own niece. She went through it all and went back with her soul crying, she went back to her ma, but was told " forget it... he gives us money to strive forget it", she was told this when all she pleaded for was justice and was told that she was to go through this for some time. .. how long ? nobody really knows, but I know for sure that she would hate EVERYONE around her, she would be ashamed of the entire world including herself, without any fault of her.
There a are thousand of other Hema's who's future is painted RED by their own relatives . Children are suppose to be avatars of god, they are suppose to be innocent, But there are some psycho's who seek lust in these gifts of god.
Today was also suppose to be another holiday for sunny a 10 year old boy living in one of the posh areas of kolkata with his parents.He was suppose to visit his cousin today . He did meet his cousin and would meet him many more times in days to come. His cousin vivek loved him so much that more often than not he touched sunny in ways and places which are not morally acceptable. But sunny was not even aware of what was happening. Had he been aware maybe his ma and papa would help him get justice. But sunny was an innocent child, he grew up thinking that vivek was a very caring brother and what they shared was normal. But future would stand witness to the dilemma sunny would have to face about his orientation when he comes to know about the actual norms of the society.He would have to pay the price for vivek's affection , he would have to fight not only with the society but with his OWN soul seeking answers to quetions which are not answered by anyone..
These epitome of innocence loose their entire life for one MAN who took the liberty of destroying their innocence.
Today was also suppose to be another day of celebration for ramadevi, since last 4 months her house is celebrating every moment as ramadevi had conceived But today all this was suppose to come to an end . Today she was going to be ashamed of having a human life inside her. Three Teenage broke into her house tied her husband and GANG RAPED her. The same boys whom ramadevi had taught , the same boys whom she considered as a member of her own family. Today under the influence of ALCOHOL they lost sanity.
In India a pregnant woman is suppose to be respected and worshipped, but here ramadevi was raped by three minors. Her future which seemed to be full of happiness till yesterday was now in utter darkness. She would probably not conceive in years to come and then this same SOCIETY of ours would blame her- For what? for being a woman.
SAD !! very SAD!!! but FACT
What do educated people like you and me do? we simply read an article about this, probably have an discussion about how the society is degrading and get back to our routine !!
I also would finished writing this blog and get back to studies..
But don't you think it is high time we start doing something about this else everyday you and I would be mere witnesses to hema's cry , suny's innocence and ramadevi's tears, or maybe our children and sisters would have to pay the price of our numbness
There a are thousand of other Hema's who's future is painted RED by their own relatives . Children are suppose to be avatars of god, they are suppose to be innocent, But there are some psycho's who seek lust in these gifts of god.
Today was also suppose to be another holiday for sunny a 10 year old boy living in one of the posh areas of kolkata with his parents.He was suppose to visit his cousin today . He did meet his cousin and would meet him many more times in days to come. His cousin vivek loved him so much that more often than not he touched sunny in ways and places which are not morally acceptable. But sunny was not even aware of what was happening. Had he been aware maybe his ma and papa would help him get justice. But sunny was an innocent child, he grew up thinking that vivek was a very caring brother and what they shared was normal. But future would stand witness to the dilemma sunny would have to face about his orientation when he comes to know about the actual norms of the society.He would have to pay the price for vivek's affection , he would have to fight not only with the society but with his OWN soul seeking answers to quetions which are not answered by anyone..
These epitome of innocence loose their entire life for one MAN who took the liberty of destroying their innocence.
Today was also suppose to be another day of celebration for ramadevi, since last 4 months her house is celebrating every moment as ramadevi had conceived But today all this was suppose to come to an end . Today she was going to be ashamed of having a human life inside her. Three Teenage broke into her house tied her husband and GANG RAPED her. The same boys whom ramadevi had taught , the same boys whom she considered as a member of her own family. Today under the influence of ALCOHOL they lost sanity.
In India a pregnant woman is suppose to be respected and worshipped, but here ramadevi was raped by three minors. Her future which seemed to be full of happiness till yesterday was now in utter darkness. She would probably not conceive in years to come and then this same SOCIETY of ours would blame her- For what? for being a woman.
SAD !! very SAD!!! but FACT
What do educated people like you and me do? we simply read an article about this, probably have an discussion about how the society is degrading and get back to our routine !!
I also would finished writing this blog and get back to studies..
But don't you think it is high time we start doing something about this else everyday you and I would be mere witnesses to hema's cry , suny's innocence and ramadevi's tears, or maybe our children and sisters would have to pay the price of our numbness
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
Fundas of Marketing applied in relations
It was my second class of Marketing, everything was hazy, not actually because of the professor's lecture , but because my mind was not there in the class instead it was roaming around the globe, standing a witness to my dreams. I had just started enjoying my future when suddenly I heard someone say “ your wife is your customer and if you don't satisfy your customer someone else will”, now I generally do not listen to the professor when I am dreaming but this statement was interesting. Now those of you getting weird ideas, hold you horses, its not as bad as it sounds :-).
It was in that 90 minutes that I realized the importance and meaning of the statement. If we believe in it and act accordingly we would not only make people happy around us but would also help our self to lead a happy life.
Let me explain, ask any successful company what is there prime objective and they would say “to satisfy our customers” , and then ask the same to a company suffering losses and they would say “ to make profits”.
I know it sounds a bit weird to any non marketing person, but try to understand any company can make profits only if its customers are happy
hence if a company functions as if its only motive is to satisfy its customer then profit follows automatically but if it only runs behind profits then it forgets to fulfill the needs of its customer in the long run. Of course it does not mean that the company should NOT be concerned about profits – after all one has to be pragmatic.
Now let us apply the same to relationships, I am sure all of us acknowledge the fact that all relations basically function in the principle of give and take, now I know some of you will not accept this sentence and would quote examples of a couple or the relation of mother and son, but think again are these completely selfless relations, don't u expect your husband/wife to be loyal to you, don't you expect certain level of love from your partner? Doesn't a mother expect certain respect and love from her son? doesn't a son expect love and care from his mother? and if this expectations are not satisfied the person seeks the same from elsewhere.
So I hope you agree that all relations are actually give and take. Now once this is said, let me define a customer , as per my professor anyone whom you give something either in product or service is you customer.
By this analogy our friends are our customers as we offer them help, emotional support , and much more in the form of friendship, by the same analogy you would find all the relations around us are basically customers, and hence if we do not satisfy there needs they would go to some other person, for example if you do not satisfy the basic needs of your friend like helping him/her in time of need, giving him/her the emotional comfort of a friend, he/she would find an alternative friend. Its as simple as that.
The moment each one of us start thinking this way, we would make everyone around us happy, and since they would also treat us the same, we would also be happy. But the problem is that we only focus only on ourselves, we want to satisfy our desires, and hence end up hurting others and eventually ourselves. The sooner we realize this fact the better our personnel life would be.
It was in that 90 minutes that I realized the importance and meaning of the statement. If we believe in it and act accordingly we would not only make people happy around us but would also help our self to lead a happy life.
Let me explain, ask any successful company what is there prime objective and they would say “to satisfy our customers” , and then ask the same to a company suffering losses and they would say “ to make profits”.
I know it sounds a bit weird to any non marketing person, but try to understand any company can make profits only if its customers are happy
hence if a company functions as if its only motive is to satisfy its customer then profit follows automatically but if it only runs behind profits then it forgets to fulfill the needs of its customer in the long run. Of course it does not mean that the company should NOT be concerned about profits – after all one has to be pragmatic.
Now let us apply the same to relationships, I am sure all of us acknowledge the fact that all relations basically function in the principle of give and take, now I know some of you will not accept this sentence and would quote examples of a couple or the relation of mother and son, but think again are these completely selfless relations, don't u expect your husband/wife to be loyal to you, don't you expect certain level of love from your partner? Doesn't a mother expect certain respect and love from her son? doesn't a son expect love and care from his mother? and if this expectations are not satisfied the person seeks the same from elsewhere.
So I hope you agree that all relations are actually give and take. Now once this is said, let me define a customer , as per my professor anyone whom you give something either in product or service is you customer.
By this analogy our friends are our customers as we offer them help, emotional support , and much more in the form of friendship, by the same analogy you would find all the relations around us are basically customers, and hence if we do not satisfy there needs they would go to some other person, for example if you do not satisfy the basic needs of your friend like helping him/her in time of need, giving him/her the emotional comfort of a friend, he/she would find an alternative friend. Its as simple as that.
The moment each one of us start thinking this way, we would make everyone around us happy, and since they would also treat us the same, we would also be happy. But the problem is that we only focus only on ourselves, we want to satisfy our desires, and hence end up hurting others and eventually ourselves. The sooner we realize this fact the better our personnel life would be.
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
woh ek roshni
-> Yuhi bethe the hum udas hoke,
kar rahe the guftagu apni tanhai se,
samay ki chadar dhak rahi thi un lamho ko jinhe bhula na pae hum,
mano keh rahi ho mujhse ab bhul jao un lamho ko,
tub kahi se fir aai ek roshni,
ruki bus kuch pal hi,
par de gai woh har khushi, jiski talash rehti hain har ek ko.
kar rahe the guftagu apni tanhai se,
samay ki chadar dhak rahi thi un lamho ko jinhe bhula na pae hum,
mano keh rahi ho mujhse ab bhul jao un lamho ko,
tub kahi se fir aai ek roshni,
ruki bus kuch pal hi,
par de gai woh har khushi, jiski talash rehti hain har ek ko.
Aaj Azaad hun mein
kul tak tha mein heran apne takdir par,
kul tak sochta tha ki mein hi kyun, kul tak tha pareshan apne hi astitiva se,
kul tak darta tha khushi se,
kul tak tha keidi apne hi dar ka, ....
par aaj azaad hu mein,
upne bewakufi par hasta hun mein ,
aah samjha hu ki ha mein hi hun apne dar ki wajah,
aaj samjha hu ki khushiya mere hi aas paas udh rahi thi par maine akhe jo bund karli bhala kaise dekhta unhe ,
par aaj mein hur ek khushi ko mehsus kartah hun,
aaj samjha hu ki mere zindagi ki dor mere hi hath mein hain,
ha mein hi hu woh jiske paas pura aasmaan hain urne ko,
ha azaad hu mein
kul tak sochta tha ki mein hi kyun, kul tak tha pareshan apne hi astitiva se,
kul tak darta tha khushi se,
kul tak tha keidi apne hi dar ka, ....
par aaj azaad hu mein,
upne bewakufi par hasta hun mein ,
aah samjha hu ki ha mein hi hun apne dar ki wajah,
aaj samjha hu ki khushiya mere hi aas paas udh rahi thi par maine akhe jo bund karli bhala kaise dekhta unhe ,
par aaj mein hur ek khushi ko mehsus kartah hun,
aaj samjha hu ki mere zindagi ki dor mere hi hath mein hain,
ha mein hi hu woh jiske paas pura aasmaan hain urne ko,
ha azaad hu mein
Sunday, June 29, 2008
Pushing one to the limits
The last two weeks of my orientation classes has taught me a hell lot of things. I have never been this busy in my life, nor did I ever imagine in my wildest dream that I would be slogging for 17-18 hours, and the best part even on Sundays, while the rest of the world is having a lazy day I am running around to give presentation and attend classes :-)
Well life for the past two weeks has been tough, but the experience I had would be cherished always and has taught me lessons which I would not have had otherwise. The most important lesson it taught me is that I realized that if I want I can achieve anything but I just have to make an effort to do push myself beyond my usual limits.
All through the past two weeks I have been pushing myself to the limits. When my orientation period started on 16th June 2008, I was expected to follow a routine which seemed like an impossible task to achieve, and was not quite sure of how I was going to adjust and perform in such a competitive environment. Today exactly 14 days into my orientation ,I have realized that with little time management , one can achieve miracles. During my graduation days I attended classes for around hardly 7 hours, moreover weekends were off and still I always complaint about not having time, I always wanted to do so many things , but as usual I was always short of time .
Now I realize what a fool I had been I had so much of free time then and had I utilized that then, I would have a completely different person now with a lot of assets, but I wasted all the valuable time I had. Now that I have realized this I hope I make the most of my time.
The problem with students like me is that we don't push ourselves to the limits, now I am sure many of us would say that “who says I don't, I do push myself o the limits”, but the fact is many of us are not aware of what this”limit” actually is, for e.g.:As I have already said that during my graduation days I used to work hardly for 7 hours, and I had thought that was my limit, as a result I never tried pushing myself to the actual limit. But now I have realized the my true potential is much more than I had thought, and sill I believe I can improve upon my efficiency because I feel I am doing he same mistake again, I am stuck wit the same thought - “ I cannot work more”. Each day of our life has 24 hours, and that's a LOT of time, but we do not realize it,and end up being frustrated and winning about not having enough time to do what we want to, so people just push yourself to your limits everyday and you would find that we actually have a lot more time than we actually need.
Well life for the past two weeks has been tough, but the experience I had would be cherished always and has taught me lessons which I would not have had otherwise. The most important lesson it taught me is that I realized that if I want I can achieve anything but I just have to make an effort to do push myself beyond my usual limits.
All through the past two weeks I have been pushing myself to the limits. When my orientation period started on 16th June 2008, I was expected to follow a routine which seemed like an impossible task to achieve, and was not quite sure of how I was going to adjust and perform in such a competitive environment. Today exactly 14 days into my orientation ,I have realized that with little time management , one can achieve miracles. During my graduation days I attended classes for around hardly 7 hours, moreover weekends were off and still I always complaint about not having time, I always wanted to do so many things , but as usual I was always short of time .
Now I realize what a fool I had been I had so much of free time then and had I utilized that then, I would have a completely different person now with a lot of assets, but I wasted all the valuable time I had. Now that I have realized this I hope I make the most of my time.
The problem with students like me is that we don't push ourselves to the limits, now I am sure many of us would say that “who says I don't, I do push myself o the limits”, but the fact is many of us are not aware of what this”limit” actually is, for e.g.:As I have already said that during my graduation days I used to work hardly for 7 hours, and I had thought that was my limit, as a result I never tried pushing myself to the actual limit. But now I have realized the my true potential is much more than I had thought, and sill I believe I can improve upon my efficiency because I feel I am doing he same mistake again, I am stuck wit the same thought - “ I cannot work more”. Each day of our life has 24 hours, and that's a LOT of time, but we do not realize it,and end up being frustrated and winning about not having enough time to do what we want to, so people just push yourself to your limits everyday and you would find that we actually have a lot more time than we actually need.
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
An experience of a lifetime
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There are certain experiences in life which we cherish our entire life, today was my day to have such an experience. It was the second day of our orientation program and as per our (class 1 D) schedule we were suppose to have a business exercise, I had no idea what a business exercise actually meant and simply assumed that my classmates and I would have to go through certain tasks, as in some group activity which would check our skills as a team member. I reported at sharp 08:15 as per schedule.
Professor Manohar Kamath was in charge of our class for this activity and before he actually told us the task which we were suppose to do, he said that we would realize ourselves after the task is done and truly after the task I am much more confident about myself and have discovered my potential in a better manner. The task was to go to a area called camp in pune and find a job there work for the entire day and earn at least Rs.150 and we were suppose At first the task looked prodigious, I am new to pune hence was skeptical about reaching the place on time and of course finding a job for a day and earning Rs 150/- seemed very difficult.
Swati Raheja was my buddy (we were supposed to be in pairs for this task), soon we headed towards the main gate of SIMS (Symbiosis Institute of Management Studies), and found ourselves asking for lifts to camp.
Four of us approached a car for a lift, the gentleman driving the vehicle gladly agreed to drop us at a place near camp. The gentleman owned a hand loom shop in pune , as soon as we heard that he had his own shop, we asked him for a job, he would have gladly agreed but soon we realized that we had to work only in the camp area and this wonderful opportunity slipped out of our hands. We had to take another lift from where he dropped us to camp, we were lucky enough to find another gentleman ready to drop us to camp . we were in camp by 10.40 am, and the first place we decided to go was SGS mall, we hurried to the main gate of the mall, bit only to find the mall closed it was suppose to open at 11:00 am. The first thing we saw next was a restaurant by the name of Coffee House. We walked in the restaurant and went to speak to the manager, he was skeptical at giving us a job at first but soon we convinced him by saying that we can do anything required from cleaning dishes to serving customers, he smiled and asked us to enter the kitchen there he asked us his chief chef to assign us jobs.
Then it all begin an experience which was completely new to me as the only thing I can cook is tea and coffee. Although I am a food lover I had really never tried my hands on cooking before . The first job I was asked to make was pera ( the thing which is made from the dough to make chapatti).
There I was standing with a huge plate of dough in front of me and the best part was I did not know to make peras :-), I approached one of the helpers for help and he gladly taught me the process to make peras, after a first few horrendous tries I finally managed to make things which at least looked like peras. Half an hour later I was on the top of the world as I had made around 35 peras for chappattis , lucha parothas, and naans.
The best part of coffee house was the amount of cleanliness they kept, every ten minutes one of the staff members would clean the tables and floor. My next task was peeling and chopping a basket full of onions. With the help of staff there I started my task but soon realized that it was not as simple a sit looked. I spent about one hour in this sophisticated task , and this one hour was one of the most uncomfortable hours of my life. I had tears in my eyes( no I was not crying it was the onion affect), it was very hot( after all it was a kitchen) and the worst part was I was in my formals. Half of my concentration was in making sure that my new shirt does not get spoiled. The picture was really very funny, Imagine a kitchen of a mediocre restaurant and a man wearing clean formal clothes( with tie) peeling and chopping onions .
After enquiring I realized that the restaurant actually opens only at 04:00 am, and the staff members come at that time to cut vegetables which are then kept in water, so that it is easier to cook food faster and also it keeps the vegetables fresh. My next task was to cut paneer into rhombus shapes mix them with the spices provided and then to fry them, this was something I was skeptical about, but with the encouragement of the staff there I actually managed to complete my task. Soon we were asked to report at the restaurant in the first floor .I thought we had to work as waiters , but as soon as I reached first floor I realized they had offered lunch to us, the best part was we were served the paneer dish which was partly made by me. The feeling of eating the food which was made by me (partly) was amazing , I felt confident as I realized I could accomplish any task the only thing I had to make sure was that I give my best to the task.
Post lunch there was not much work except for the snacks which they were preparing for the evening. The next hurdle was frying cutlets , I was asked to put them in a pan of boiling oil and keep turning them till they get red, yet another task which looked gigantic to me. The confidence which I had gained after mailing the paneer dish helped me sail through this task smoothly.
Finally the kitchen was closed and we were asked to leave, the manager paid us Rs 150/- each .
This was one day from which I have learnt a lot, right from travelling without money to chopping onions to frying cutlet each of the hurdles I overcame gave me a new sense of confidence.
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
The RAT rAce
Have you ever thought what is it after which we are running??? as if we are in a middle of a race and we only see, the end, the finish point, but the problem is as soon as we reach the finishing point we start running for another race....
Right from the moment we start understanding the meaning of words like success and failure, we start running but why? have you ever thought if it is worth running??
The fact is ; No one thinks and neither do I.
When we are students we want 100 percent in our report card, we do all that is possible to get that; as little children we sacrifice our moments of tenderness for studying, taking private tuition's,then we go to college again running to be the topper, to get the best job and as soon as we get one, we start running for promotion then again for a secured retirement. Have you ever thought where exactly does this race end? I am sure many of you have already raised your eyebrows, as you feel that running is normal and its required to achieve success, as running is nothing but what we call ambitions right!
Think it over is it really so! Why is that we tell our children to study hard, why do we run after promotions? well I am sure you will agree with me when i say that it is for peace of mind which comes only if we have enough to survive and for some more than that, and this comes only by money and for that we need to work and get promotions,for which we need to study hard during our childhood, right?
Think it over will you be really happy if you get lots of money? I dint think so, because once you do that you would want more money, more fame, and this continues.
Well may be i am being impractical, but think it over what are we actually running after. As I said its nothing but peace of mind, which we feel will come only and only if we have money but that's not true, The fact is 99% of us simply go to job because we have to clear our debts, and as a result we end up either taking the help of sleeping pills or committing suicide.
What we actually need to do is to discover that one thing which excites us, titillates us and the moment we do that- bingo ! our life will transform into a legacy.
The irony is its really hard to find that one thing, as one has to keep his mind always open and that is difficult because we are generally over stressed about the race in which we are running.
I always thought for the past 4-5 years that achieving this one thing was my ultimate goal(the one thing- replace it with achieving an ambition or coming first in some race), and so i worked hard for it and now when i actually have achieved it, I started running in another race, and suddenly it struck me, I mean what exactly was I after ? what did I really want? It is then that I realised that its not wise to lamely run a race, one has to identify himself with it . Now I feel like a small baby who has just been fed by his nanny but since he cannot use words to express he cannot say that he is done, as a result his nanny keeps stuffing food in his mouth, and here is he confused thinking what to do?
I feel the same, because I don't want to run in another race just for the sake of money.
The irony is I will have to, just like thousands others. I will again run in another race. why?? because I still haven't found that one thing which excites me and for the time being I do have to pay my bills right ! so here I go running in anther race for another finish line but yes I will keep my mind open this time wide open !
Right from the moment we start understanding the meaning of words like success and failure, we start running but why? have you ever thought if it is worth running??
The fact is ; No one thinks and neither do I.
When we are students we want 100 percent in our report card, we do all that is possible to get that; as little children we sacrifice our moments of tenderness for studying, taking private tuition's,then we go to college again running to be the topper, to get the best job and as soon as we get one, we start running for promotion then again for a secured retirement. Have you ever thought where exactly does this race end? I am sure many of you have already raised your eyebrows, as you feel that running is normal and its required to achieve success, as running is nothing but what we call ambitions right!
Think it over is it really so! Why is that we tell our children to study hard, why do we run after promotions? well I am sure you will agree with me when i say that it is for peace of mind which comes only if we have enough to survive and for some more than that, and this comes only by money and for that we need to work and get promotions,for which we need to study hard during our childhood, right?
Think it over will you be really happy if you get lots of money? I dint think so, because once you do that you would want more money, more fame, and this continues.
Well may be i am being impractical, but think it over what are we actually running after. As I said its nothing but peace of mind, which we feel will come only and only if we have money but that's not true, The fact is 99% of us simply go to job because we have to clear our debts, and as a result we end up either taking the help of sleeping pills or committing suicide.
What we actually need to do is to discover that one thing which excites us, titillates us and the moment we do that- bingo ! our life will transform into a legacy.
The irony is its really hard to find that one thing, as one has to keep his mind always open and that is difficult because we are generally over stressed about the race in which we are running.
I always thought for the past 4-5 years that achieving this one thing was my ultimate goal(the one thing- replace it with achieving an ambition or coming first in some race), and so i worked hard for it and now when i actually have achieved it, I started running in another race, and suddenly it struck me, I mean what exactly was I after ? what did I really want? It is then that I realised that its not wise to lamely run a race, one has to identify himself with it . Now I feel like a small baby who has just been fed by his nanny but since he cannot use words to express he cannot say that he is done, as a result his nanny keeps stuffing food in his mouth, and here is he confused thinking what to do?
I feel the same, because I don't want to run in another race just for the sake of money.
The irony is I will have to, just like thousands others. I will again run in another race. why?? because I still haven't found that one thing which excites me and for the time being I do have to pay my bills right ! so here I go running in anther race for another finish line but yes I will keep my mind open this time wide open !
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