DEATH - Inevitable

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Some things in life are beyond our control, things which are planned by someone  powerful than us. Of all such things "Death" is something which is unpredictable and inevitable. It would come to all of us in ways we are not even aware of. Death is scary, am sure to all of us; it would wipe the very existence of us one day. I don’t know and do not want to know also, what life is after death because it is the life which we are living now that’s of concern to me.

I don’t know how one feels to be dead, but the people around the deceased definitely are disturbed , they are the people who suffer, the ones who would have to move on, who would have to live life as if nothing has happened because life does not  stop for anyone.  We need to understand and accept this that life is not a birthright but a blessing. It is not something we can take for granted because it can expire anytime. This acceptance is something we all need to imbibe and the moment we do that we would realize that life is a gift and is too short to be wasted.We spend a lot of time "hating” others, but is it really worth it?? If we were to die would it all matter? 

We have this habit of complaining about almost everyone in our life. We are not happy with our parents, we are not happy with our friends actually we are not happy with ourselves. This leads to constant suffering beneath a smiling face. We start hating people who are perhaps much more than, what we see in them. 

I have seen people who complain that their childhood was not how it should have been. They keep complaining about their parents. Their myopic view prevents them from understand the pain and suffering their parents must have had. The care and love which their parents have for them. Their sacrifices made . These are the children who suffer the most when their parents die. Because it is only when we  lose someone , we realize their importance in our life. Nothing can be done then , the person is dead and one can never again show the love and respect the deceased earnestly deserved. 

People keep complaining about how their friends/Lovers do not understand them and waste a lot of time fighting with them over things that do not matter. What if that one friend/ lover dies, would we be able to thank them for the thing they did for us. Would we be able to ask forgiveness for the pains we gave them? Since we would  not be able to that ,we would spend the rest of our life suffering with guilt.

Life is unpredictable,  we are not in a position to know what would happen next.  People die  suddenly and  with them goes the opportunity to make them feel special or happy , with them goes the option to make them smile. What is left is but remorse and guilt. 

The only choice we have is to enjoy the little we have . Make the most of what we have. We meet a number of people every day in school, college, office everywhere. We need to decide if we want them to associate the word "hate/ Greed/Rude" with us or associate "love" with us. Life is too precious to be spend hating people, we need to find a reason to love/ like people around us. 

We all being humans have a range of emotions from loathing someone to being madly in love with someone. We have it all, we have the power to be kind and cruel. We have the power to make a fellow human being shed tears of Pain or  shed tears of joy. Emotions make us  humans right.

Death despite being scary is one of the greatest teachers God had gifted us with .It teaches us the greatest lesson of life, "Life is but a synonym of change.. We need to imbibe this and learn to live the moment because this moment may not be forever" .

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Friends close your eyes for some time and think, if you were to die tomorrow would you be treating people around you the way you are doing now.... 

Two sides of a Coin

Krishna came to the terrace as he felt suffocated in the hostel room. As he entered the darkness of the terrace his mind was filled with thoughts of Rupa the girl he loved since school days, and so did she till recently when she broke up because she fell in love with Harsha. This incident had shattered him completely. He and Rupa had planned their admissions to this college, so that they could study together. They had sacrificed their parent’s dreams of them becoming Doctor’s, so that they could be together but now all seem meaningless to him, all the 4 years they had spent together seemed a waste of time. He had come to terrace to get a gush of fresh air, but then he saw Arjun and felt suffocated again. He knew that Shilpa and Rakesh were going around for a year, those were the times when Rakesh and Arjun were the best of friends.Now when Shilpa and Arjun realized that they are madly in love, Rakesh cried fouled on Arjun accusing him of nasty things, revealing the secrets Arjun had shared when they were best buddies to everyone in the college. Krishna felt Arjun deserved this, today no one spoke to him and this gave Krishna a sense of sadistic pleasure as the same was happening to Harsha After all how could they be at peace after falling in love with someone else’s girlfriend.

He knew Arjun way before the situations became dark. He had always respected Arjun’s ideology. Arjun was one of the top performers of the batch, a keen learner and had been a great friend to Krishna in the past two years. Now there was this fight going inside him, friend vs angry lover- The friend wanted to know what happened and the angry lover was deriving sadistic pleasure from Arjun’s sufferings.
Minutes later he was there in the dark corner of the terrace, sitting beside Arjun, with eyes reflecting both anger and compassion. Arjun was more lost, he was not sure how to react, he could see the anger in Krishna's eyes, he knew the pain Krishna was going through was the same Rakesh was going through too. Krishna saw a bottle of vodka in front of Arjun, he couldn’t but help himself, after all some discussions are possible only after a few doses of intoxication. “Arjun, why are you doing this, Why did you have to come in between Shilpa and Rakesh? Do you even know how it feels when A guy sees his ex girlfriend walking hand in hand with another guy? Life becomes hell?” Krishna spoke with disguist in his voice.

Arjun knew that Krishna actually wanted answers to the puzzle of his life. He knew that Krishna actually wanted to know why did Harsha do this to him. Arjun knew Krishna and genuinely wanted to explain his position, specially since no one else cared to ask him, no one else cared to understand what was happening in his mind. Krishna was the first person who asked him these questions.
Arjun kept staring at the empty sky perhaps avoiding direct contact with Krishna as there are certain things in life which cannot be justified, ”Krishna, there are certain questions in life to which we do not have answers. I don’t think I cannot give you any logical explanation as to why things happened in such a bizarre way. I just fell in love with Shilpa, and so did she with me . If she was happy and satisfied in the relation with Rakesh , I would have never articulated my love for her. I saw her suffocating, I saw her in pain. I could see all these.” He looked at Krishna, and saw him listening to all this with utmost attention.
Krishna was wandering whether Rupa left him for the same reason. He always thought that he gave her all the space, he did all that she wanted him to, than why? What did Harsha have that he lacked.

Arjun knew that Krishna was trying to fill the gaps of his life’s puzzle with his answers,“She found in me what she searched in Rakesh but could not find. It took a lot of thought to take a step like this, but Krishna isn’t it better to tolerate pain for some time and happiness for a lifetime, rather than avoiding this pain and living a life of pain ?” Arjun now was getting answers to his own questions. He wandered how the human mind functions, his mind was blank when he was all alone, but now when he is answering to Krishna his mind has all the arguments in place.
Krishna spoke, “but Arjun , isn’t is unfair to Rakesh? C’mon he is heartbroken. What about him? he may not find love forever? He may not trust anyone else again.” His voice was heavy reflecting his intense emotions. Arjun realized that these are the very questions Rakesh must be having . These are the very emotions Rakesh must be filled with. Though he still failed to understand that if Rakesh loved Shilpa so much How could he defame her now? How could he make public the secrets shared between them as couple and also his secrets which he had told him when they were the best of friends.

“Krishna yes perhaps it is unfair, but even if I had not been in the picture, their relations would have been called off, they simply did not share the necessary chemistry. Even if they managed to get married they would not have been happy as they were so opposite in their thinking, their priorities in life were all mismatched. Isn’t it better that they part ways now for a better future.” Arjun wanted to continue, but Krishna cut him , “ Yaar it could have been just a bad phase, may be they would have tided over it”.

Arjun was at peace in a way as atleast he could have conversation with someone who reflected the same thoughts as that of Rakesh and at the same time Krishna was trying to understand the entire situation through someone who was in a place similar to that of Harsha. He had nothing but hatred for Harsha and although he could not hate Rupa, he could not wish her well either, after all he was a mortal.
“Krishna, I do not know if I can answer all your questions but I am glad we are having this conversation as I can now understand the pain and agony of Rakesh, I wish someone would talk to him the same way I am talking to you .” Krishna was not in a mood to appreciate these words, he wanted answers to the injustice that happened to him.

Arjun continued,”You know people change over time, all of us do. We evolve with the situations we are put into. Only those relations which change their chemistry in accordance to the change in the couple, survives, rest either perish or suffocate themselves. Over the past 2 years both Shilpa and Rakesh changed, but their change was not synchronous, their change was not acceptable to each other. They did try to work it out but things didn’t work as per their wish. They were both not really happy with the relation, and when I realized that I and Shilpa shared a relation which was beautiful which brought happiness to both of us ? We could not but carry forward this feeling. Krishna, feelings are not switches which can be switched on and off, neither are they easy to tame.”

Krishna was getting uneasy, he wandered what changed in him and Rupa that led to her falling in love with Harsha. He wandered where did he go wrong? It had been more than 2 months since Rupa had told him about Harsha, but he still could not find the answer to what kindled this, what forced her to leave him after 4 years? What is that one thing that he lacks and harsh has? He spent sleepless nights comparing himself and Harsha. He now thought perhaps Arjun was right, perhaps Rupa is happier with Harsha than she was with him. But in the entire episode he is the loser, atleast they both are happy but what about him? He looked at Arjun, and realized what Arjun had said that they actually were getting their answers from each other. He saw shades of Harsha in Arjun and he knew that Arjun was understanding the agony of Rakesh through him. He said ,” But what about Rakesh, great to know that you and Shilpa are happy with each other , but what about him ? he loses everything? Just because you bumped into their peaceful life.” There was sarcasm in his voice, he wished he could rephrase the question.

Arjun did not expect sarcasm from Krishna, in days which were normal he would have replied with an equal sarcasm or atleast would have showed a little bit of anger, but the days were not like before,today Krishna was the only guy who came and spoke to him since his love for Shilpa was made public by Rakesh. More than this it was through him that Arjun was trying to understand Rakesh. He said in a composed yet firm tone, “If they had to live their life together just because of their commitment despite knowing that they are not happy with each other. They would have to live forever by compromising. The little comfort left in their relation would have been completely erased and only the feeling of hatred would be there, they would have become completely void of happiness. Would that have been better? Now at least there is a hope that I and Shilpa would be be Happy? And Rakesh has an opportunity to start afresh, yes it is unfair to him, but Krishna certain things are not in our control, Like I said feelings are not Switches. If not now,he would have known one fine day that she fell in love with me. Then could he live a happy life? Life would have been more unfair to him then, it’s better that he came to know now atleast he has time to recover and start again.” Arjun was not sure if what he said made sense to Krishna, but he had thought over this umpteen number of times. He tried to look at this from all the possible perspectives before he told about this to Rakesh. Everytime he reached the same conclusion that now atleast there is a hope for happiness.

The night was coming to an end, a new dawn was about to be born. The environment was similar to Krishna’s mind. When he came here at midnight he had nothing but hatred in his mind for Harsha and was having double thoughts about his friendship with Arjun just like many others. Now however after listening to Arjun his perception was changing, he was trying to accept the fact that no one is at fault. Human mind behaves absurdly at times. We love and hate many people without any logical reason I guess that’s why they are called emotions. He had realized maybe he is no less than Harsha but there was something between Rupa and Harsha, which simply did not exist between Rupa and him. He was beginning to drive out the hatred in his mind and the bitterness in his soul. He realized that its better that he is facing the situation now, what if he had got married to Rupa and they had kids and then he was told about Rupa’s love for Harsh. Things would have been catastrophic then. He was glad he talked to Arjun instead of behaving like other friends who deserted him right when he needed them the most. He thought love was after all a beautiful feeling not a sense of achievement, so what if he could not achieve Rupa, this did not change his love for her. Atleast she would be happy and he knew he would be too.

The bottle of Vodka was empty now, and so was Arjun’s mind. When he came to terrace he was doubting all his decisions, now after talking to Krishna he knew he took the right decision. He understood the reason behind Rakesh’s vengeance. He knew now that Rakesh must have been in terrible agony hence he took the ghastly steps of publicizing their secrets. He wished that someone would answer Rakesh’s questions too just like he answered Krishna’s, perhaps things would have been better.

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We should never draw inference of a situation based on what people say, we should remember that every coin has two sides.
Love is not the feeling of accomplishment it is not about achieving. It can never be forced on or off a person,It’s not about reciprocation Instead It’s a beautiful feeling which comes in the right time, right place for the right person. It’s a feeling that makes us smile and wish happiness for the person we love even if that results in tears in our own eyes.

That one thing !!!

We all are nothing but seekers,
seeker of the one thing which seduces us all,
seekers of the one thing which drives us all,
seekers of the one thing without which we are zombies .



We all have that one thing in our mind,
all our actions are done so as to achieve that one thing,
all our words are spoken so as to reflect that one thing,
all our definitions are based so as to achieve that one thing.


The definition of that one thing is vague,
Some seek it in their relations,
some seek it in their environment,
some seek it in spirituality,
some seek it in materialism,
but the true definition of it is known to none ...


It is this thing which makes us hypocrite,
We all are but seekers of that one thing ,
that one thing which makes us wear colorful masks,
so as to achieve that one thing.
Some do not wear these masks
yet all they seek is that one thing ,
and with exposed faces they fanatically seek that one thing
sadly all they get is pain
the pain of being exposed
the pain of their skin being peeled in search of masks.

I stand exposed too,
exposed to all the colorful masks, in search of that one thing .
I try to open the masks of those who matter,
but all I get is another color,and pain,
the pain of my skin being peeled in search of a mask .
I am in search of that one thing just like others,
but all I get, is being deprived as I stand exposed.

The colorful masks attract me now,
as they would protect me from pain , they would shield my exposed face.
I am falling in love with the colors that hide our face.
Yes I truly adore them now,
I am but a seeker of that one thing ,
All I need is that one thing just like everyone else.

Here I stand wearing colorful masks ,
trying to attract that one thing to me ,
I am no more in pain, as I am covered now,
covered with masks , masks which protect me.
I am now a part of that hypocrite world,
yet am in peace as no one peels my face anymore.
I am, but a seeker of that one thing,

the thing called "happiness"

Inner Voice

I have a choice between good and bad,
I have a choice between white and black,
I ask myself what if I chose black,
I hear a voice saying go ahead but you would not accomplish what you are born for,
I get dismayed and wonder if I really want black,
then I look at white, I see the purity but I also see the sacrifice.

I look at god for an answer,
I look at him for enlightenment,
but I see nothing but darkness,
I am cold I need someone to hold me, but I have none,
I feel trapped, I feel suffocated but I cant find that gush of air,
but then I do hear a voice echoing, it's your choice it says it has to be your decision.


I am left with a choice of white and black,
I wander why can't it be grey? but that is not one of the options,
Deep down the voice opting for white gets stronger,
I wonder who is asking me to sacrifice the color black,
but soon I trust this voice, I get closer to this voice,
I make my decision to go for white over black,
to go for purity over darkness.

The hazy picture is suddenly clear ,
I see the difference between black and white ,
I see the angel and the demon ,
I see the divine intervention behind the voices
and all this only because I chose white the color of purity
I see nothing but a mirror ,reflecting my face,
it had been me, who wanted to opt for white ,
me but wiser , me but purer ,
me but named "conscience"

Life @ Mumbai- i am lovint it !

I had to take a long break from the blogger space as I had to shift to Mumbai for my Summer Internship. So now that I am settled here, am back :-) to blogging.

I am here at Mumbai for about 2 weeks now and it feels great. This article is about Mumbai the city where you would find EVERYthing in every sense of the term. ;-)
I stay at a place call Thane and my office is at Fort – for those who do not know Mumbai, these are like the opposite poles of the city. So I travel for 2 hours one way daily. This is about those two hours. I have t o leave at 7.45 am, from my house, and till I reach the station at 8.10 am, everything is normal just like any other city- people trying to be on time to office, kids carrying a Heavy bag, waiting to board the school bus. The moment I step inside Thane station, I realize what is the "real Mumbai" – A completely different world that is!
Let me describe this part as vividly as I can. As I get down the bus and start walking towards the station I see a mob ( at least that’s what it looks like :D ) , walking along with me , it’s the most common thing they show in movie about Mumbai , but experiencing it, is different , all of us walking , no actually running to catch the local train , and not 10 or 20 but hundred of us ,walk in the same direction with the same pace , the first day I felt I was a zombie as I was doing mechanically the exact thing which hundreds around me were doing running towards station. You cannot think to stop in the road, because there are dozens of people behind you and if you do dare to stop, you would not only get nasty looks but a few nasty words too, your crime – pausing in the middle of the pavement. Which made them also reduce their speed thus waste a fraction of their precious time. So here I was running towards platform number 1, to board Thane local. I always take trains starting from thane, because the other trains are so crowded that in order to board the train I would have to fight like a Spartan, and I am not kidding, though by boarding those trains , I could save around 30 minutes , but I think I prefer comfort over time . That does not mean thane local goes empty, but thane being the starting station I thankfully get a seat to occupy. Much before the train actually comes to platform number 1. A large crowd waits in the platform, and the moment the train enters the station, these people pounce on it. The scene is very similar to a jungle (pardon me mumbaikars ) where a hungry tiger pounds over a helpless rabbit , the scene at any station in Mumbai , in office hours looks exactly similar , the difference - instead of one tiger , here there are hundreds of human and instead of one rabbit you have one train . All this fight is for a seat near the window.
I wait patiently till these people win their war and occupy a window seat; Then I get in and am more than happy to find just any seat. The next one hour I had initially planned to listen to music, but things don't always turn out as we expect them to be.
There are around at least 10-12 stations between Thane and CST, and right from the next station I witness extraordinary people doing extraordinary things. Sitting on a corner seat I was trying to enjoy the moment by listening to my favorite song. But the moment the train halted rather, I should say the moment the train enters the next station, a huge mob fanatically enters the compartment (this is the scene with all compartments at almost all stations). We all have seen those mosquito advertisements, where a host of mosquitoes enter a house and spread in all the corners of the house – it’s the exact scene here, these people believe in optimization of space, they do not leave any place where a person can place his feet. between two parallel seats there are at least 4 people standing, oh and in each seat there are 4 people sticking to each other (seat was designed for 3 people of average built to sit)!!! I was left questioning myself as to how do these people travel like this , daily throughout the year , I was glad that I could board the train at the source (thane) and at least had a place to sit .
The next 1 hour, I witness extraordinary things. though these things are very normal for any mumbaikar, but to me it was nothing less than watching Ripley's believe it or not. Imagine the following scenes

•The compartment is packed with people to such an extent that even though I was sitting I was not able to move my legs even by a mm, and in this crowd I could see atleast 10 men who were standing amidst the crowd, reading newspaper. It is amazing to see how perfectly they not only balanced themselves, but also the way they turned pages of the paper. The paper was also specially folded in a manner befitting the situation. The crowd around them did not matter to them; all that mattered to them was the news article they were reading. I really salute these people who manage to make best of a crowded train journey.


•The second kind of extra ordinary people are the "tall" people, since the average man comes only to the shoulders of such people, it's amazing to watch such tall people travel. It's like watching a giraffe walk with pride among goats :). All of them not only enjoy the cool breeze of the fan right above their heard but they are happy as atleast they do not have their noses touching bodies of other people , who by the way do not smell pleasant . One particular incident was really hilarious , I once got in a wrong train , and hence did not get a place to sit, I was standing hugging my bag (in such crowded compartments it is very easy to snatch a bag and run ) , and right in front of me there was a TALL man , enjoying the free space he gets as all of us reached only up to his shoulders , He was crunching away a packet of biscuits happily , it was petty annoying then . I mean imagine you are packed in a compartment , and are forced to smell "weird" smells, you cant even move a hand to scratch your back , you are completely wet , not only by your own perspiration but also by others equal contribution and there is this man right in front of you eating away to glory !! Though it was irritating then , now when I think of it , its really funny .LOL

•The third kind of people are the young love birds who travel in the compartment , first of all its not that I am against PDA ( public display of affection) , but c'mon in a crowded compartment PDA looks not only stupid but disgusting . It really amazes me to see atleast two couple's every evening on my way back to thane making complete use of the crowded compartment, and making "no space" as an excuse to stand hugging each other and making full use of their hands of course over each others body. The rest is like watching a movie- a stupid romantic one.



This is what I witness twice daily , although now I have learnt to ignore these and simply enjoy music being played on my phone . Occasionally a good book is an equally good distraction .
Once I get down at CST, it’s the same mob scene again , all walking like zombies towards one direction .Then the day at office and the cycle continues .

However mumbaikars teach a lot of lessons , in these two weeks I have learn the following:

•Mind your own business – people do what they want to do, and no one complains . This is the best thing of the city .

•Respect Time – People reading even in crowded compartments shows the immense value for time which they have , and the passionate desire to utilize this time is what I really respect in them

•The spirit to fight – in a positive sense .it truly is admirable to see everyone fighting daily , and not only are the youth who fight but the women, elderly all fight daily and with the equal spirit as that of a youth . This spirit is amazing .I had listened in TV shows that "Mumbai doesn't Stop". It’s the first time I witnessed the actual depth of this meaning .


This truly is going to be an interesting stay . I am here at Mumbai till June, and will write down more interesting experiences  till then wish me luck for internship.