The object of happiness

Finally I am back to blogosphere  after a long time. I was just caught up in the  daily chaos of life, new job, new place, and not now that I have settled, I am back to share my thoughts, and what better a topic than happiness , we all want to be happy, don't we !



Happiness is a seemingly complex word. The definition of words like these is very subjective. Those who are madly in love would associate this word with a person, those in abject poverty would associate this with food, those who are rich would associate this with peace. Hence I would want to define or rather specify the "happiness"  I am talking about. I am talking about happiness which is not associated with anything but pure joy. We all must have seen a baby laughing, that laugh is what pure joy is  and that's the kind of happiness I am talking about.  Then there are those people who have a very peaceful smile, the kind of smile that reflects  pure joy. If we look around you would see that unfortunately not many people even smile these days and if you know them you would realize that the smile has been suppressed by fear /worries, in fact I was one among them too. 


All of us have a habit to associate happiness with our dreams/wants/desires, which is fine in the sense that when we achieve that dream we are happy I do not deny that, but this happiness is very short lived, because we soon have another  new dream, another want  or desire and we  are again sad till we achieve that.  Dreams  are good  because they motivate us to go a step higher, they force us to work that extra hour to achieve our goal , but we should not associate happiness with a specific goal or dream. Happiness is divine and not defined by any object living or abstract. Let me take a few specific examples (the names hypothetical)


a) Love - A person in love always associates happiness with his/her love. Anurag and Seema are a happily married couple. Anurag seems to define happiness with respect to seema, which is obvious because your life partner is a major source of happiness but the problem is he defines "all" his happiness with respect to seema. Love never dies but in the practical world people do, and  people also meet unfortunate accidents and above all people do change. 
I am as much a believe of love as any other guy, but what i question is life revolving around one person , happiness  being defined with respect to one person. I have seen couples madly in love -  of two kinds, one who are so into each other that everything they do is inter related, their sense of existence itself is defined by the other person. Such people face a lot of trouble when things do not go as per their plan. The other kind of couple is that who in spite of their immense love for each other have a life in which their partner is not involved, their partner is a major reason for their happiness but not the only one, and unfortunately  if life does not go as planed they are separated then they are able to exist and live though the rest of their life with a smile, even though the love has nor died nor have they stopped missing their love's presence. 


b) materialistic object - many of us associate happiness with wealth for example, but would this happiness reflect as pure joy and even if it does would it last long. Wealth and objects of value do bring a smile on our face bur we should remember that they are not the only source of happiness in our life. 


We all are human and thus the tendency to get swayed by materialism and I am no exception. I do want to have a loving wife and accumulate a lot of wealth, but that said, they are not the only source of happiness for me . I may not be able to  materialize all my dreams but that does not take away my sense of happiness. As my joy is not tied to any one object or person. I am happy as long as I want to be. 


I realized this a couple of years ago when one incident forced me to reflect upon happiness. I questioned my sense of happiness and realized if my happiness is tied to one object or person, I shall always have the fear of being unhappy. I decided to untie my happiness and am glad that now my sense of happiness is in the small things of life like talking to an old friend , reading a book, painting or blogging :) 


Happiness which is not tied to one object/person is eternal and that reflects as pure joy on their faces. Those who really want to be happy need to realise this and enforce this on their daily life. Initially its more of a rule you have to abide by, you don't let any event take away your happiness for a long time, you ensure that you always have something to smile about,even if that something is as meaningless as  being happy because the day is bright and sunny. once this is registered in your mind you would see the difference , you would sense the peace of pure joy. That does not mean we do not pursue our dreams or accomplish our materialistic needs , all it means is we do not  tie our happiness to a particular dream/need. 





Be Happy always as your smile surely brings happiness to many. 




PS : I recently read a book titled "why god is laughing" by Deepak Chopra , a must read for those who want to experience pure joy . 

Smile

My soul has been touched,
My spirits lifted high.

With stars in my eyes,
I gaze at that lovely smile.


Smile which is beautiful eternally ,
has created magical moments.

With hope in my eyes and smile on my face
I remember that face ,
the face with the purest smile.

The face
a glimpse of which lights up my day,
The face
a glimpse of which brightens my eyes.
The face
whose chastity is its pride.

In solitude or in companionship,
I see that face in front of me,

That face with the angelic smile.

That one thing !!!

We all are nothing but seekers,
seeker of the one thing which seduces us all,
seekers of the one thing which drives us all,
seekers of the one thing without which we are zombies .



We all have that one thing in our mind,
all our actions are done so as to achieve that one thing,
all our words are spoken so as to reflect that one thing,
all our definitions are based so as to achieve that one thing.


The definition of that one thing is vague,
Some seek it in their relations,
some seek it in their environment,
some seek it in spirituality,
some seek it in materialism,
but the true definition of it is known to none ...


It is this thing which makes us hypocrite,
We all are but seekers of that one thing ,
that one thing which makes us wear colorful masks,
so as to achieve that one thing.
Some do not wear these masks
yet all they seek is that one thing ,
and with exposed faces they fanatically seek that one thing
sadly all they get is pain
the pain of being exposed
the pain of their skin being peeled in search of masks.

I stand exposed too,
exposed to all the colorful masks, in search of that one thing .
I try to open the masks of those who matter,
but all I get is another color,and pain,
the pain of my skin being peeled in search of a mask .
I am in search of that one thing just like others,
but all I get, is being deprived as I stand exposed.

The colorful masks attract me now,
as they would protect me from pain , they would shield my exposed face.
I am falling in love with the colors that hide our face.
Yes I truly adore them now,
I am but a seeker of that one thing ,
All I need is that one thing just like everyone else.

Here I stand wearing colorful masks ,
trying to attract that one thing to me ,
I am no more in pain, as I am covered now,
covered with masks , masks which protect me.
I am now a part of that hypocrite world,
yet am in peace as no one peels my face anymore.
I am, but a seeker of that one thing,

the thing called "happiness"

The strength of my soul

I look at her with awe,
I look at her with despair ,
I look at her with hope,
I look at her with pain ,
I look at her with anger,
I look at her with divines.

She is the one to hold me tight,
She is the one to pick me when I fall,
She is the one to Pat my back when there is none.

She is the one to give up the world for me,
She is the one to bear it all for me,
She is the one to drop a tear for a glimpse of my smile.

She is there to hug me when I need to believe that I am not alone,
She is the one to leave me alone , when I need to learn living a life,
She is the one to give me the spark, when life seems so meaningless.


She is my "Ma" ...


Ma
I would give you hope, when you have none,
I would give you Joy, even If I am in pain,
I would hug you, when you feels lonely.

I would kiss you, to tell that you are the pillar of my life,
I would hold your hand, to tell you are not alone ,
I would gift you the world, to tell that you are, and will always be special.


Ma you are -
the angel of my life,
the strength of my soul,
the joy of my life...




This is dedicated to all the mothers - the greatest gift to mankind.

I would request, that anyone who is reading this, please go and hug you mom, tell her what she means to you, and those like me, who are living in a different city , give her a call and tell her that she means the world to you, it would make the day for her, it really would.
:)

Little imperfections

This video is the inspiration of this post

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4I3ZmNKYma0

I once read a quote which was something like " Friendships is not about two similar people coming together but its about two different people accepting each others differences" .. So true, when we look around us we would notice that the people we call us our own , out actually different from us, in ways more than one, and these differences make our relationships beautiful, isn't it?

One look at my parents, actually any couple of their generation, and we would see that they are generally completely different , yet they stick together like two sides of a coin, inseparable yet facing opposite sides . That's the beauty of their relationships, and if we think a bit on this than acceptance is actually the key to a successful relationship, be it love or friendship.
I have friends whose habits are not in sync with mine, in fact some habits makes me lose my temper, yet those are the very habits that define them , and the acceptance of which makes us great friends, well they have certainly accepted my intolerable habits :D

Of course some common platform has to be there, like perhaps the same approach to life , but I am talking about a level beyond the "common platform", no two people are the same , and we need to accept this. I have seen couples trying to change their partner so as to have a perfect relationship, but the fact is the perfection of any relationship are the "little imperfections" they have .
When i look at couples around me , i See blessed are those who accept each other no matter what, I know a couple who fight every fortnight due the major differences they have in their approach to life, yet when the next morning they get up and comfort each other, the joy in their face is worth a million fights.
Even when I look around at my best friends , I really like their little imperfections and I would like them to have it no matter what.

I mean imagine a world which would be perfect, it would be so boring. If all my friends were perfect, there would be no fight no pulling legs, and no FUN . Imagine going to college one day and finding everything perfect , it would be so dull.

The uncertainty in our life makes us look at it with challenge everyday, and the same thing with relationships , the small differences brings us the chance to fight and then comfort each other..

Happy Friendships day guys !! :) Cheers and enjoy the little imperfections of life....

Mera Bachpan lauta do !!!!

Childhood is suppose to be the most beautiful time of our life . We all cherish those moments , when we had nothing to do but enjoy life, but have we given thought to those millions of children who have lost their childhood to some pedohile, to those who spend their children learning the art of begging , to those who are victims of their own fate !!!

Here is a video do have a look

http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/VIDEOS/News/Cops-assault-six-year-old-girl-in-UP/videoshow/4068164.cms


(Read below only after watching the above video )

I am shocked to see this not that I am unaware of the atrocitites of those "who supposedly protect the helpless", but this is shocking, a girl of 6 years being mercilessly hit .....


A man is a manifest of his environment, and a child who has such a childhood will never be able to live a normal life, either she would be full of hatred or she would succumb to her fate and become a zombie!!

We all speak of having a clean and good society , but how can that be possible if we do not pay attention to the smile of hte children around us . The children around us would become the future "responsible" citizens we need to nurture them .

Our beloved MP's are busy debating the effect of tv serials like " sach ka saamna" on our culture , I wander if even one of them have seen this video, there are so many issues in our country which needs to be addressed and debated upon and instead they are wasting their time on tv serials ,further enhancing the trp of the show ....

Where our the religious guru's who were angry for legalizing same sex , now where are they when a gift of god is being mercilessly tortured, now why can't they come on TV NEWS and ask JUSTICE for the child , why are they busy now ???

NGO's were busy fighting for all kind of rights , why are they silent now ?? why can't they demand justice for the future of India now ??

We the aam junta need to realize the importance of having a healthy childhood , we should at least make sure that children around us are happy , be it the helper's child, the beggar on the streets, the ragpicker or our our child ... At least we can do small things for them so that they have a reason to be happy ..


Children are gifts of god , they are the most purest form of man kind and we should let that be like that , we all have to make a conscious effort to ensure that the children around us are happy and get the happiest period of their life.

Is Duty above everything else ? ?

I have always been told that duty comes first. We look with great admiration at Ramayana where Lord Ram is called “sarvaseshtra purush” as he acted in sync with the duties imparted to him without ever questioning them. He was such a great king that he chose to ask Devi Sita to leave his kingdom when her purity was doubted by the dwellers of Ayodha. Such great was his sense of duty as a King that he completely forgot his responsibility and love towards his Wife. This is an epitome of “Duty”, however have we ever though what would have we done if we were in his place? Would we have chosen the duty of king over the love for wife or would we have done the other way?

A little thought over this would enable us to understand that the question is actually a lot deeper and requires a lot more working on grey cells. They say our life is nothing but what we have deliberately chosen, it is a consequence of our choice and many a times we need to make a choice between duty and happiness. Is it always the case that we need to sacrifice our happiness and the smile on our loved ones for the sake of Duty?? No I do not mean being greedy and ignoring the duty and just working for oneself. But I am simply questioning the belief that we need to choose Duty over anything else.

For a soldier his duty towards his country is more important than anything else. Such great is he and his family that they do not give priority to anything else but their duty. Well if this was not the case and the soldiers only joined the defenceforces for the livelihood than many countries would have lost their independence . Here it is obvious that the sense of duty is very important to be present among the soldiers. If only the same “sense of duty” was there among our politicians and citizens who “elect” them, our present would have been completely different. NGO's are organizations built to help the needy, to provide happiness to those who have been deprived of the same from ages. Imagine if such organizations also start functioning to make money and they lose their sense of duty then what would happen to the millions who are deprived of a lot many things which many of us take for granted, although there are exceptions to the above examples yet in the majority the sense of duty prevails.

Now let us look at personal duties, the duty of a child to his/her parents, the duty towards husband/wife etc. Here too epics teach us that we should not question our duty, but we should do all we can do to fulfil these duties. Let us look from the perspective from those children who are subjected to cruelty by their own parents. How can we expect them to fulfil their sense of duty towards those who instead of bringing a smile on their face ignore the tears that flow from their eyes?
If we keep ourselves in their place, we would know the agony they face, would we be able to fulfil our duties of a child towards parents when they themselves fail miserably to fulfil the responsibilities of a parent. The same thought process can be applied to all relationships, be it that of a husband-wife, siblings or professional.

I think the choice to do ones duty depends on the “cause” . For the soldier the sacrifice made is for the country to protect million others, the entire nation depends on him , every little sacrifice he makes to do his duty ensures that million others have all the reason to smile. However can a child whose childhood was spent fighting life, seeking a reason to live, can we expect them to forget their dark childhood and to fulfil their duty as a child?

But if we say that duty is to be done for one and not to be done by another isn't it like changing the definition of a word as per our choice? And who would judge if the meaning identified with the word is correct and not chosen as per convenience. Or is it all situational, meaning of many words change with respect to situations, the meaning of good and bad itself are not definite but depends on the context used !

The answer to this question, I think is very individual specific, for example, for every soldier it is the duty which is above everything for him, and then again for a person who has had a dark childhood, whose parents did not provide him the care and love he required chooses to ignore his duty and live a life independent of his parents.

I love MYself :)

I don't know what is happening , but off late I am meeting people , who somehow I feel are not happy about themselves . So this is to all of them .

I think the one thing which one should incorporate in order to be confident and happy is "Love your self " . A very dear friend once told me , " Be what you are and you will never be ashamed of anything at the dusk of your life " . So true , so very true :) if only we love ourself , we begin to love the world .
The logic behind this is simple ,

we love ourself --> we behave as we are :) --> We Do not put masks --> Things are simple --->Our Relations are less complex ---> people in turn love us --> Those who don't love us at least would respect the fact " that we are transparent -- --> We are confident of what we are ---> Everything is simple and beautiful around : )

More than any logic , loving your self would make you smile and smiling is one of the greatest asset that we have . right?

People have strange excuses to hate themselves .. let me share some of them with you .

" I can't forgive myself , I have committed something terrible " - This is one of the most common reasons to hate one self . We are humans and we do make mistakes , and the guilt of hurting someone is so disturbing that we tend to hurt our self . The thing is that we all make mistakes , and the right approach of taking this is to realize the mistake and to ensure that the mistake is not repeated , yet if one does seek salvation than one should do something that fits the purpose . Instead of punishing one self , one should help someone who desperately needs it . That's a great way to achieve salvation .It truly is !
No one is perfect , but that does not mean we start hating our self . We have to accept this fact . But of course that does not mean that we start hurting people and then help another group of people because that would defeat the very purpose of helping . One should not only "realize the impact of the mistake made - but also regret it and hence ensure that he/she does not hurt anyone intentionally anymore , but this regret should not lead to destruction or depression. Instead we should try to convert this regret into positive energy and help the needy .


Then there are those who simply are not happy with what they are .
We all should really thank almighty for what we have been gifted . We have the privilege to be free, to do anything that we want . I happened to see a video of a person named , " Nick Vujicic" - He is born without Limbs . Imagine a life without limbs - seems impossible right !! But that man is living such a life and that too with Dignity , ironically here are we who have been gifted with a perfectly healthy body and yet we still curse our fate and hate our self instead of thanking God for the gift we have been blessed with .
We should not compare ourselves with people who "we feel" are more beautiful / more happy / more successful and then beginning to hate ourselves because we feel we don't have what others have . Actually We should compare ourselves with people who "we feel" are not happy and are suffering, people who are not as lucky as we are . Only then we would be able to thank god for what he has gifted us with .

There are many people who are so angry with themselves , that they are constantly nagging and as a result are always angry with everyone around . The main reason I think why people are so upset is that they are not happy with themselves . The moment they start loving themselves , everything around them would be beautiful :)


There are however certain "Precautions " to be followed :D
We should not get obsesses with our self in the pretext of loving ourselves . That would really defeat the purpose . I am sure all of us agree that excess of anything is bad , so is the case with loving yourself .Excess of self love would make us arrogant and self centered , which would lead to self destruction , just like hating yourself did .
Thus one should love oneself till the extent one is happy, confident and is able to spread the smile around :) The moment one's happiness is the reason for another's sadness we should realize that we are going wrong .


have a look at the video -

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TtweZxNGk1Y

Epitome of Equality

First of all This is not to demean any religion..
I am a Hindu by birth, but yes I respect all religions .I offer my daily prayers , fast on holy days , but there was something that was disturbing me .
God as per me was a Friend, someone who was by my side always , someone who was a dear friend , but this is not what everyone else thought , for others he was the Judge who gives his verdict always and punishes anyone and everyone .

Walk into any temple and you would see , if you have money , you will be treated in a way as if you are the ONLY disciple of the God . I have had too many experiences where I was treated as a second class citizen in the temple . Why? Well I could not afford giving thousands as donation. This is not how it should be , God looks at each one of us with the same divinity .As I mentioned God for me is a friend, so tell me, do we chose friends based on their bank balances? Do we give our verdict on them ? then how can God do it?
I know many of us would say that Friends do judge us , blah blah.. But You know true friends are those who accept each others differences , they do not try to change each other , they do not judge each other - they just ACCEPT each other . Same is for GOD :)

There are beliefs in Hinduism ( many of them are controversial ) like only men can do puja of Hanuman ji, why such partiality . There are also many other practices in other religion as well , which pinch me , but I refrain from writing about those as my knowledge in those religion is limited.

I happen to visit a Gurudwara , very close to my Institute , and I must say I am not only impressed but mesmerized . Let me describe my first visit a bit meticulously .

It was guru nanak jayanti , at around 12 pm , I and my friends decided to visit the Gurudwara.
As I entered I saw a man helping all the devotees keep their shoes , very generously , looking at his attire , I was confused , as generally in Hindu temples , which I have visited, the one doing this job is paid by the trust, and he just does this mundane job in exchange of salary .
But things were different here , completely different ! .I walked in after washing my hands and legs, and as I entered , the main hall where people offer prayers .As I walked in I saw a lady siting on the Dias and reading the The holy Granth . I was more than sure that she must have been a priest or someone on similar lines ,(My knowledge was based on my experiences in temples - Where only the authorized person "Pandits" are allowed to perform puja . )

As I walked put of the hall, towards the place arranged for the "langar" . My friends enlightened me about the assumptions I had made . :)
The person who was helping with the shoes was not doing his task ( as in not as a job) , but was doing "SEWA" , helping the mankind . I was surprised - little did I knew there was more to come.The Lady reading the Granth was no priest she was just like us - in Gurudwara anyone could read the holy book - so unlike the temples .. How beautiful isn't it ?

As I walked towards the sitting arrangement, I realized that men and women were equal there. Everyone had their head covered , unlike temples which I had visited where only women were suppose to cover their heads...
During the next 15-20 minutes I was served with the most delicious food by the most humble people .The people serving food were also doing sewa :) In fact the food was cooked by people doing sewa . There were also people washing the soiled utensils all for sewa . :)

It's amazing ! people irrespective of their religion, their social standard, their attire , their bank balances were together - and all they were doing was SEWA ! they were ONE as if a Divine force had glued them together .

The entire environment was amazing , people helping each other , serving food to each other ,cleaning others soiled utensils, managing the shoes of others .
There was no special treatment for the rich, everyone ate together under one roof , served together , no partiality.None at all !

After that one visit to Gurudwara , I must say I am addicted to it , I try to visit it every Sunday and do sewa .I look at it now as a epitome of Equality , where all are treated as one .
The best thing was there was no condition like " only Sikhs allowed " - it was open to all .Anyone who wanted to seek blessings of Baba , and do sewa to mankind was welcomed there .

We as a society should learn from this, and help each other , instead of hating each other , instead of judging others on the basis of partial knowledge - we should love everyone , we should look at each other with uniformity . We should help the mankind and that would only give us solace .

Sewa is one of the most difficult yet Simple things to do. But once done it would leave us with a feeling divine enough to wipe away all the negativity , a feeling powerful enough to bring a lasting smile on the face .
:)

A Reason to Smile - A Transition needed

I have always been wandering why people say that they have no reason to be happy . There are people who always sulk about what they don't have, they keep seeking things which they don't have but others have and then they curse their fate as they think that they never get what they want in life. They keep finding the negative in their life instead of focusing on the positive aspect .
I was one among them a couple of months back , but then I met a friend and got closer to another, and in the process, I realized the true meaning of "Living a life". We all have problems in our life , though we feel our problem is the worst of its kind , the fact is that there are people who suffer more than us, people who fight life every second,These are the people who always have a smile to greet others .
They are always two dimension to look at the situations we are facing . One we look at them and say , " Why me??" and the second we look at it and say, " WOW now that's a great opportunity to learn something , thank god its me " . A great chunk of us always say the the first part and I was one among them . We need to understand the importance of the situations we are in , we need to understand that we are all nothing but learners and we should keep learning , that what makes us efficient .
I happened to listen to Kiran Bedi's speech and among the priceless views she shared , she said, " Create the Maximum out of Nothing ". This is one statement that is haunting me, right from the moment I heard it , Such a beautiful sentence ,it oozes with positivity. I am trying to work on it. Friends if we look at each situation in life as a learning lesson we would go far ahead in the race of life . We should understand the meaning of Kiran Bedi's Statement , We need to look at each situation and ask our self ," How can I do something about it? Why am I there ? what steps can I take to revert the situation? "
Trust me , the moment you start implementing this situation in real life, you would notice the change not only in you but also around you .

Lately I heard one of my friends complaining that god was punishing him for his deeds . Now this is something where I differ , I somehow do not accept the idea that God's purpose is to Judge us , I do not believe that God is sitting up there only to give his verdict on us . No I believe God is a beautiful Friend , someone who stays with us no matter what, he is there to Guide us , He is there to support us always . At the same time I also believe that the world is a mirror, whatever you give to the world you get back , and it is this that people confuse with punishment . People think that god is punishing them , but the fact is God actually is giving an opportunity to learn , an opportunity to realize one's mistake and an opportunity to believe .

Life actually is beautiful , but we need to see it that way . My belief on positive energy was reinforced , when recently I was reading the interview of a NGO member , there she mentioned that she was abused as a child . She narrated stories of her horrifying past, but what was unbelievable was her learning form that . She said that , " Today I have compassion for the people around me, because I know how they feel , I can relate with the pain they have. I don't think I would have been the same person if I did not have those scary incidents in my life .Today I , thank God not only for giving me courage to fight odds , but also for my childhood as that is an integral part of my personality " . This is what living a life is !
I could not assure myself of what she had written , I was simply left mesmerized by her words .There was this Lady who had the most horrifying childhood yet she is smiling and thanking god , and there are those million around who are cursing their very existence .


The only mantra for being happy is " seek happiness , seek positivity, look out for where you can create maximum out of nothing " .

The courage to continue

ShubbuLakshmi or Amma as she was known in her entire community had just dropped her son Arjun to the airport, he had got placed in a premier IT company and was flying to Delhi for his first Job. This was the day for which she had waited for decades .
The apartment was on the 25th Floor, she walked across the posh apartment, a sense of accomplishment graced her face , the balcony was her favorite place in the entire house, a place where the cool breeze touching her cheeks reminded her of Amar . As soon as she started feeling the breeze she used to close her eyes and felt independent and chained at the same time and the feeling made her feel complete - a feeling which she never had anywhere else .
............................................................................................................................

ShubbuLakshmi was born in Sonargachi a red light area in kolkata . Her childhood was spend amidst sex workers and their children . As a child she always wandered why her amma went to work at night but there was no one to answer her questions . Often she would find amma bruised after a night's job , but she was too scared to ask anyone what happened ? She wanted to go to school and much against the will of the community she started going to the government school . All went well till she turned 14 . One incident prevented her from going back to school and denied her an access to a Future in fact it changed the entire course of her life . The school was mere 2 kms away from her house. One day she was returning from school, as usual, but there was a difference - she was happy- her teacher had said that she could see a doctor in shubbu . She even bought Laddos for her amma. It was around 6 pm , suddenly she saw Ravi and Raju her school friends in the nearby Pan shop . She went towards them , she wanted to share her happiness with them. But the moment she went near them , she realized something was wrong , they were not the guys , she considered as friends , they were staring at her at places where she was not comfortable , their eyes reflected lust. She could not bear the strange look, and decided to walk back, but fate had planned it differently . The guys followed her and started touching her . Shubbu protested and started shouting for help. When the guys saw people coming , they started abusing shubbu started addressing her as a prostitute and started disgracing her amidst the crowd . Shubbu was shocked the people who had initially come to help her , now ridiculed her , they also now started looking at her with lust, she was too young to understand the impact the word "prostitute " had on people's mind . . She could not bear the ridicule anymore, she ran and did not stop till she reached the place which she called her home, the place where her amma used to work, the place where she had seen her amma bruised emotionally and physically, now she lay in the same place hurt.
This incident took everything away from her . Her amma was too scared to let her go to school again , and this marked the end of her happiness.
Shubbu now spent her time in daily chores and learning arts from people whom she called "mashi" (Aunty). She was Happy that she was learning something new , yet somewhere deep down she wanted to study . She had just turned 15 and "MEN" there had started showing interest in paying her for work which her amma did, her amma was not attracting enough clients to sustain the expenses and thus the problem started. One day a client did come to her ammu, and offered a whooping 6ooo INR , but ammu was not OK with the deal, and the other members were forcing her to go ahead, else they threaten that they would give shubbu away , these were the same people whom shubbu called mashi, and now the hunger of money had changed everything even their love for shubbu .All this happen when shubbu was fast asleep . When shubbu woke the next morning she found her ammu bleeding beside her , she had bruises all over her faces , the marks seemed like those of a knife, as if someone had deliberately scratched her face with knife , her arms were red , and her back had marks of belt , and she held a bunch of Indian rupees in her fist . Shubbu cried for help, few women came and started helping shubbu clean the bruises .
This incident continued over the next few months, till one morning amma was found dead .
Shubbu had lost everything , she was shattered and before she could recover from the loss , her maushi had started demanding that she should started working or leave the place. The love in her mashi's eyes had turned into greed for money . They knew that at the age of 17 she would attract a price of not less than 50,000 INR .
Shubbu could not sleep for the next few days , she had to find a way out , this was not what she had thought for herself . Soon the community was offered 50000 INR for Shubbu , now she was not even given the choice to run away, hence now she was kept in custody . Soon she had to succumb to the greed of her mashi's and was sold for a handsome amount She was taken away to a posh area - Ballygunj in kolkata , by her "owner", who used her as a domestic help in the day time and raped her at night, sometimes he brought along friends. who behaved more like animals then humans, She soon found her in the same bruised state as she had seen her amma .
There was still something which subbhu thought was bettar than sonargachi , at least there were no double standards , unlike her mashi's who displayed false affection these men had no affection at all. She had accepted her fate, and was waiting for the day where she too would die. But she soon realized that she was also the centre of attraction for the other male residents of the same colony , who offered her as much as 2000 INR for the job which her owner forced her to do every night .
Then she made a plan , a plan to escape from the torture , a plan to smile, a plan to dignity .
She spent the next 5 years , meeting those "lustful men" and earning at least 2000 INR , per person and at the end of five years she had 1 Lakh INR , and all this without her owner coming to know of it .She was 23 and one day realized that she was pregnant , her owner thrashed her that night on hearing this, and started making plans for abortion , but shubbu had other plans .
During these 5 years she also had made a friend , "neha" , she used to work in one of the resident's flat. Neha was from chennai and she had her family still living there . Though subbu's amma was from the state of tamil nadu , but she never heard anything from ammu as much as she heard from neha. She started understanding the meaning of culture , life, education .
The day after Shubbu got thrashed , she booked a ticket to chennai , and with the help of neha boarded her train to happiness.
The journey was a special one, she was free for the first time since 23 years. She looked around the sleeper class , people of all kinds were there,she was a bit scared as she was traveling for the first time, but it did not matter as she was happy, She kept the money in a bag and kept it close with her always . Life had taught her one thing that she could not trust anyone . She stood at the door of the train , and enjoyed the breeze , the breeze touching her cheeks, titillated her . Though she was alone , she felt the satisfaction of being independent. She knew that now she had to sustain her self , in chennai and had to find a way out .The best part of the journey was that no one knew that she was from Sonargachi, and that she traded lust. She had a great feeling of confidence. In chennai Neha's brother Amar came to receive her. she stayed with neha's family till she gave birth to Arjun .
In those 9 months she made a plan, she knew that the child will not bear hardships as she did , he/she would have a future which she did not have, most importantly he/she would have education . Amar helped her in making a plan , a plan to live. He helped her with the money, she had brought from kolkata. Something in Amar told Shubbu that she could trust him with not only money but with everything else. Neha had told her family that Shubbu was a widow. Hence she attracted a lot of pity and at the same time enough help to seek a road to salvation . She had begin liking amar, he was not like the other men who looked at her as a mean to satisfy their lust ,instead he used to look at her with eyes full of a admiration , the shine in his eyes reminded her of amma .
With help of Amar she had opened a small shop selling bedsheets which were beautifully embroidered by her ,an art which she had learnt when she dropped from school . She bought the materials required and started working on them during her pregnancy with the help of amar.
She had fallen in love with him . Amar saw a strange shine of confidence in her eyes and this is why he was attracted to her . He often used to hold her close and his breath used to make her cheeks red. This was the only moment when their bodies were close enough to feel each other .
Arjun had turned 3 and shubbu had expanded her business , she now had a grocery store in addition to her embroidery store , she rented her own one room row house . Till one day when they both went out to beach , the evening was pleasant, breeze blew shubbu hair in such a way that it touched Amar's Cheeks, who was enjoying the romantic environment . The sky looked heavenly, the environment was warmer than usual, and both of them were blushing, both their eyes had the shine of a newly wed couple. That day , Amar proposed her and said he wanted to marry her . Shubbu was happy ,She was at the zenith of happiness. the evening which was already romantic, made her blush, she realized the sky too was pink in color, there were couples all around them , birds were on their way home . but there was something which took away the romance from the environment , her past was something she had not told anyone, this made her uncomfortable .The romance in the air had started fading as she recalled her past, right from her school to ammu to her "owner", she told him everything but she also knew that he may not marry her after he heard the entire story, and she did not expect him to either. As she knew it is difficult for everyone to fight the society. Amar was deeply shocked and hurt to hear all these, the roses which he had brought for shubbu fell down from his hand . All these while Arjun was building castles from sand on the beach .Suddenly Amar walked towards Arjun picked him kissed his forehead and said "stay well ". He turned towards shubbu , his eyes were misty, he could not stay a word, he just picked up those roses and gave it to her .
Shubbu knew that he will not come back, she knew this was the last time she saw him. A sense of grief enclosed both of them
She enrolled herself into a school for adults, and accomplished her dream to get education, and she also ensured that Arjun got the best of education.
She never felt for anyone like she felt for Amar, She always felt the vacuum created after Amar left , but she made her life so busy that she never felt the need to look for him . She soon created a chain of embroidery stores. As she started getting grey hair, she felt the need to help thouasands of subbulakhsmi in the country. She realized that the best way to create awareness was by making her story public. This was not going to be easy , as she now lived in a posh areas in chennai , the society knew her as a business women and not as a girl from Sonargachi . Most importantly she had to tell Arjun everything .
Arjun had just turned 20 and was in his second year of Computer Science & Engineering . He had come home for new year . It was around 6 pm , the sun was about to set. An apartment at the 25th floor guranteed an amazing veiw of the sunset, both of them sat in the balcony. Subbha had to gather a lot of courage to tell him , she had a debate with herself , since 2 week prior to his arrival, she was scared that like Amar he may also desert her, but she soon realize that she had to tell him, as if he comes to know of it from some one else he would be utterly devasted and their relation could turn out to be worst than she expected .
Arjun did not expect this kind a story of her ma , he was not devasted but angry, his eyes were getting red , as she was telling her story . Shubbu was scared , her eyes were moist, tear drops were coming out from the corner of her eyes . She could not complete, when Arjun stood up and left the flat .
This was something for which she was not prepared , she knew he would take time to accept this piece of hard truth ,but she thought he would also appreciate her courage and her desire to live . She sat their in the balcony for the entire night, looking at the empty dark sky, she had nothing left now , she felt empty. Staring at the dark sky she remembered her amma , She remembered the last few weeks when she was alive, flashes of her bruises came to her mind ,she remembered the 6000 INR her amma earned for all the blood she lost. She wanted to find her amidst the clouds and hug her , she wanted to cry, she wanted to to hold someone , just anyone, but alas there she was on a posh apartment, without anyone to share her pain with ,she felt lost for the first time since she came to chennai .
She had fallen asleep in the chair , suddenly she felt someone hugging her, she opened her eyes to find Arjun sobbing. She kissed his forehead. His eyes were red and it looked he did not sleep the entire night, " Ma , I love you ma , you always have been my guru , but today i not only look at you as a Teacher but i look at you as a god, you have done so much for me ma, If you did not decide to run to Chennai , I would have been living a completely different life , Thank you ma,." . Shubbu could not control her emotions either , " beta I though I lost you , just like I Lost Amar , I felt so lonely , so left out , so deprived ." Arjun," Ma I will never Leave you, never.." . Soon She also took his permission to go public with her story , and his response was more than positive , he helped her with writing her autobiography , and also ensured that the books marketing was done in an effective manner . His efforts bore fruits soon and Subbulakhshmi soon became a nation figure. She was everywhere from business magazines to Femina ,

Today he left Chennai to start his own life , Shubbu was proud of Arjun , she felt her life was complete as not only did she managed to provide education to arjun but she herself evolved from a sex worker to a successful business women to an author. She often thought that whatever happened to her , happened for a reason, she was able to connect all the incidents of her life today. Even if one incident did not happen then today she wouldn't have been what she was, the success which she achieved may have only been a dream . Since she discontinued from school , she knew fine arts and could transform that skill set to a profitable business .She realized the importance of all the incidents in her life sour or sweet, all of those incidents together made her persona as she was and today as usual she was beautiful.

Today she was independent as she had accomplished all her dreams yet she was chained as there were still lakhs of subbu's throughout the country . There she stood at her favorite balcony , and as the breeze touched her cheeks, she remembered Amar, without whom today she would have been incomplete, she looked at the sky , it had shades of blue and orange, it was going to be dark soon, the day was coming to an end but for shubbu life never stood still, the day never came to an end, but today , she looked up at the sky and saw birds making there way back to their nests she realized her day was also coming to an end, but she had no regrets , the journey had been beautiful, she had achieved all she wanted to and she ensured that other subbu's realize that "Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts"..

woh ek roshni

-> Yuhi bethe the hum udas hoke,
kar rahe the guftagu apni tanhai se,
samay ki chadar dhak rahi thi un lamho ko jinhe bhula na pae hum,
mano keh rahi ho mujhse ab bhul jao un lamho ko,
tub kahi se fir aai ek roshni,
ruki bus kuch pal hi,
par de gai woh har khushi, jiski talash rehti hain har ek ko.

Aaj Azaad hun mein

kul tak tha mein heran apne takdir par,
kul tak sochta tha ki mein hi kyun, kul tak tha pareshan apne hi astitiva se,
kul tak darta tha khushi se,
kul tak tha keidi apne hi dar ka, ....
par aaj azaad hu mein,
upne bewakufi par hasta hun mein ,
aah samjha hu ki ha mein hi hun apne dar ki wajah,
aaj samjha hu ki khushiya mere hi aas paas udh rahi thi par maine akhe jo bund karli bhala kaise dekhta unhe ,
par aaj mein hur ek khushi ko mehsus kartah hun,
aaj samjha hu ki mere zindagi ki dor mere hi hath mein hain,
ha mein hi hu woh jiske paas pura aasmaan hain urne ko,
ha azaad hu mein

An experience of a lifetime

There are certain experiences in life which we cherish our entire life, today was my day to have such an experience. It was the second day of our orientation program and as per our (class 1 D) schedule we were suppose to have a business exercise, I had no idea what a business exercise actually meant and simply assumed that my classmates and I would have to go through certain tasks, as in some group activity which would check our skills as a team member. I reported at sharp 08:15 as per schedule.
Professor Manohar Kamath was in charge of our class for this activity and before he actually told us the task which we were suppose to do, he said that we would realize ourselves after the task is done and truly after the task I am much more confident about myself and have discovered my potential in a better manner. The task was to go to a area called camp in pune and find a job there work for the entire day and earn at least Rs.150 and we were suppose At first the task looked prodigious, I am new to pune hence was skeptical about reaching the place on time and of course finding a job for a day and earning Rs 150/- seemed very difficult.
Swati Raheja was my buddy (we were supposed to be in pairs for this task), soon we headed towards the main gate of SIMS (Symbiosis Institute of Management Studies), and found ourselves asking for lifts to camp.
Four of us approached a car for a lift, the gentleman driving the vehicle gladly agreed to drop us at a place near camp. The gentleman owned a hand loom shop in pune , as soon as we heard that he had his own shop, we asked him for a job, he would have gladly agreed but soon we realized that we had to work only in the camp area and this wonderful opportunity slipped out of our hands. We had to take another lift from where he dropped us to camp, we were lucky enough to find another gentleman ready to drop us to camp . we were in camp by 10.40 am, and the first place we decided to go was SGS mall, we hurried to the main gate of the mall, bit only to find the mall closed it was suppose to open at 11:00 am. The first thing we saw next was a restaurant by the name of Coffee House. We walked in the restaurant and went to speak to the manager, he was skeptical at giving us a job at first but soon we convinced him by saying that we can do anything required from cleaning dishes to serving customers, he smiled and asked us to enter the kitchen there he asked us his chief chef to assign us jobs.
Then it all begin an experience which was completely new to me as the only thing I can cook is tea and coffee. Although I am a food lover I had really never tried my hands on cooking before . The first job I was asked to make was pera ( the thing which is made from the dough to make chapatti).
There I was standing with a huge plate of dough in front of me and the best part was I did not know to make peras :-), I approached one of the helpers for help and he gladly taught me the process to make peras, after a first few horrendous tries I finally managed to make things which at least looked like peras. Half an hour later I was on the top of the world as I had made around 35 peras for chappattis , lucha parothas, and naans.
The best part of coffee house was the amount of cleanliness they kept, every ten minutes one of the staff members would clean the tables and floor. My next task was peeling and chopping a basket full of onions. With the help of staff there I started my task but soon realized that it was not as simple a sit looked. I spent about one hour in this sophisticated task , and this one hour was one of the most uncomfortable hours of my life. I had tears in my eyes( no I was not crying it was the onion affect), it was very hot( after all it was a kitchen) and the worst part was I was in my formals. Half of my concentration was in making sure that my new shirt does not get spoiled. The picture was really very funny, Imagine a kitchen of a mediocre restaurant and a man wearing clean formal clothes( with tie) peeling and chopping onions .
After enquiring I realized that the restaurant actually opens only at 04:00 am, and the staff members come at that time to cut vegetables which are then kept in water, so that it is easier to cook food faster and also it keeps the vegetables fresh. My next task was to cut paneer into rhombus shapes mix them with the spices provided and then to fry them, this was something I was skeptical about, but with the encouragement of the staff there I actually managed to complete my task. Soon we were asked to report at the restaurant in the first floor .I thought we had to work as waiters , but as soon as I reached first floor I realized they had offered lunch to us, the best part was we were served the paneer dish which was partly made by me. The feeling of eating the food which was made by me (partly) was amazing , I felt confident as I realized I could accomplish any task the only thing I had to make sure was that I give my best to the task.
Post lunch there was not much work except for the snacks which they were preparing for the evening. The next hurdle was frying cutlets , I was asked to put them in a pan of boiling oil and keep turning them till they get red, yet another task which looked gigantic to me. The confidence which I had gained after mailing the paneer dish helped me sail through this task smoothly.
Finally the kitchen was closed and we were asked to leave, the manager paid us Rs 150/- each .
This was one day from which I have learnt a lot, right from travelling without money to chopping onions to frying cutlet each of the hurdles I overcame gave me a new sense of confidence.

khushi

Happiness is something which is craved by all , and people have their own strange ways to stay happy.A good majority of us will say one can never be happy, as by nature man always wants the best,so as soon as he gets what he desires he starts,looking for anew desire , a new fantasy.
A businessmen always fantasies that he would have a global empire, and feels that he will be happy only when that empire is established.An unemployed youth would tell you that all he needs is a job and that would make him the happiest person on earth.A child would tell you that a truck full of ice-creams would make him happy.A new wed bride would tell you that if her husband is happy she would be happy.
There are infinite reason to happiness, which differs from person to person, but I strongly feel a person is happy only if he wants to.I may sound absurd, but I feel rather I believe that our mind is the strongest tool , god has gifted us with, if we just tune our mind to stay happy, we will feel the difference, it's all a state of mind, and the best part is, it is completely under our control.
Happiness actually comes from within, and the reason to happiness can be just about anything,all we have to do is to look around with an observant eye.Although today people feel that materialistic things will make us happy,the fact is it is the small moments of life,shared with our beloved ones,that titillates us, when we lose hope, when we feel that life is nothing but a big black hole which is sucking the very life from us, it is at this time,when moments like our first date,our first friend or perhaps the silly things which we did in school or college, brings a smile,a hope in our face.
Happiness makes a person beautiful,healthy and everything positive that comes to our mind.The secret to happiness is not achieving our desires ,but it is simply to feel happiness.Life is never a bed of roses, but we can at least feel the comfort of such a bed,just by closing our eyes.
Let me share one incident .A few days ago, I was in a melancholic mood, and was simply surfing through the channels, when i saw a report on Afghanistan,and this report led to the realization that happiness comes from within.In that report I saw a boy not more than 8 years , was smiling away to glory, though his background was nothing more than burnt villages.His happiness ,it seemed had no limits, it seemed as if he owned the world , and this happiness was due to nothing else but a small piece of bread. It is strange that a small piece of bread which is eaten by thousands of people in an unthankful manner can bring such a big smile on someone's face.The smile did not speak of the inhuman conditions in which he lived, nor did it tell that the boy had lost his right leg in the war, it only spoke of the happiness which he felt.That smile made me realize how lucky I was to have a family , to have a house,to have a college and most importantly to have a fully functional , normal body.There I was thankful to almighty, that I am in India and not in some war ridden country, and I realised that I had a million reasons to be happy, and thus realizing that happiness is no where else but within us.

A thing to dream of and not to tell!!

Aryl Larks leafed through the stained yellow pages of the diary. The last three entries clubbed together caught her eye (the entries prior to this cluster were dates some 12 years back).

FEB 5 - one equation, just one set of inconsistent data .Lies between me and my dream. I am almost through, but for the last step.

NOV 11-Thirteen years and another half a dozen months. It's been a long wait, a very long one indeed. But it was worth the struggle. I finally have everything on paper.

Oh god! Oh god! Should I have done it? The bunch of papers contains earth shattering results.......

NOV 15- No, it cannot be. I cannot let yellow papers veil my success. I cannot let the baby die in the womb itself. The whole world has got the right to know about it...

HOLY CHRIST...forgive me if I am making a mistake...

Aryl Larks, always had control over her emotions, but today was not her day. She had been awake for the past 24 hrs, and had no intention to rest in the next few hours or perhaps the next few days. She clung on to the diary with tears in her eyes. She was enervated ,after 1 year of searching all she found was a diary. She remained there sitting in the dusty basement until she heard the approaching steps of someone coming. She quickly hid behind one of the giant boxes. She realized ,that she had been in the basement for over 5 hrs, and the noise she made had aroused the suspicion of the guards, who had come there to inspect. No sooner, had the guards left than she left the basement the same way she had sneaked into it, that is through a secret gateway, that her father had shown her .Going through that tiny passage, she also went down the memory lane. She recollected the times when she used to come with her father through this passage .she remembered all the things, her father had taught her, and momentarily the pleasant memories of the past turned into melancholy with the thought of the way her father died. It took her 25 minutes to reach her apartment, which usually took only 10 minutes, but time was not in her mind, the only thing that raced in her mind, were the questions that had been haunting her for the past 5 years, answers to which she sought ever since the mysterious death of Dr. Harry Larks, her father, who would have created a chaos in the field of technology, had god been gracious enough to give him what all human crave for, TIME.

Amidst all these confusion, one thing which was clear in her mind was the realization that the only purpose of her life now, was to find out what was the dream, her father wanted to share with the world, a dream which she knew would create havoc in the world by unfolding the mysteries, perhaps, for which even the world was waiting. She wanted answers for a lot of questions, but primarily she wanted to give her father a tribute which he truly deserved .she wanted Dr. Harry Larks to receive the fame and recognition for the project on which he had spent 2 decades, Project – LIFE. She was having a sense of nostalgia, her father had been a friend , philosopher and guide to her, and now she was left alone with no one to confide in. She suddenly felt very weak. If only her father had been alive!

Her immediate search was the papers and records of the projects which had been misplaced, lost or stolen, something she was not sure of. She ransacked the entire apartment like a sniff dog, in search of any document which could answer her queries. Just as she was about to give up her 2 and a half hours search , she found it, a piece of paper, which was yellowed with time, and what seemed to be a piece of a scientific report. She gave the page a closer look, it seemed to be a report on something related to the project life, and it dated back to 15^th March 2020. Aryl was sure that the paper had something to do with the "set of equations", which was referred to by her father. Indeed it was some sort of complex algebraic formulas which she could not comprehend. There was one more thing which caught her eye, a name which was curiously similar –

Dr.Joetsna , who according to the paper was the Assistant Professor in charge of the project. She at once hurried to the mini – library of her father, to find out more about the abstract equations. Dr Larks had an amazing collection of books. His vast collection ranged from philosophy, arts to science and technology.

She started with the algebraic books which were her father’s favourites. She tried her best to concentrate on the books, but Dr. Joetsna occupied a greater part of her subconscious mind, yet it was purely her determination which did not let her deviate. 5 hours later she understood the equations. She had always been a genius in mathematics, but that alone did not mean anything. She had to search for more papers, she had to go back to the basement. Soon the thoughts of Dr. Joetsna haunted her mind, and suddenly she realized she had forgotten to wear her ear rings .The ear-rings were special to her, her father had gifted them, and he made sure that she wore only that pair, something which she detested.

She was supposed to remove them only at night, provided she had worn them during the day. She recollected how her father always pestered her to keep the ear rings in night only in the special safe kept in her father’s lab and he made sure that she obeyed him.

She then tried calling Mr. Alfred Hawkins, the only living associate of her father, but she was shocked to find no element of surprise in his voice, instead he was more concerned about the diary which she had found. Somehow her intuition was telling, not to give the diary to Alfred. She was skeptical about this whole idea of giving the diary to him. Amidst all this chaos she decided not to loosen her pragmatic approach to life.

She made an instant decision to drop in N.I.R.T (National Institute of Robotics Technology), the research centre where her father had spent 3 decades. She took a cab and rushed through the busy streets of Manhattan (New York). A conglomeration of emotions surrounded her, as she tried to concentrate on what to speak to the officials of N.I.R.T.

After passing through a series of security checks, she was finally allowed to meet the Head scientist, Dr Frank Christe. No matter, how hard Aryl tried to explain her situation, Dr Frank Christe, showed no interest in Aryl, or in Dr. Harry Larks. After ten minutes of futile conversation, Aryl was brushed aside, in the context that, Project – Life had nothing to do with N.I.R.T. and they could not divulge the information, of anybody working there. He even refused to acknowledge the presence of Dr. Joetsna in N.I.R.T.

Aryl was highly disappointed by her first attempt to do something for her father. She was walking past the entire group of Scientists with a sullen attitude, when someone collided with her, and before she realized, a piece of paper was in her hand, and the person disappeared …

She quickly kept the paper inside her purse, and took a cab back to her apartments. Inside the cab, she looked at the paper: "Remove the Mask it is surely a Good Deed and May He quit. Dog has granted Elephant is not quit. Rise. Does the Zeal Quit! Before Going check out.” She at once knew it was an encrypted message, but why ? Why someone had to give her such a message, she had no idea. No sooner had she reached her Apartment, than she began to decrypt the message, having done a Doctorate in Mathematics, and she at once started guessing the key. To start with, she separated the alphabet in capitals; she got a set of characters which made no sense – R T M S G D M H Q D G E N Q R D Z Q B G. It still didn’t make sense, was she going in the right direction, or did she miss out something? She recollected that when her father was alive, he used to pass all the messages in an encrypted form. Though he generally used a simple Encryption algorithm. in which the message was first reversed, then each alphabet was replaced with the one before alphabetically. She knew that this one could not be that simple, yet she wanted to try it out, this time she got a message which looked like – SUNTHENIREHFORSEARCH, and lo! she got it, the final decrypted message was "search for her in the sun ". At least for the time being she assumed she had got the right message, but now the question was, what does the word sun stand for. One thing was sure; the person who gave her this message was familiar with Dr.Harry larks and herself. The first thing which amused her was, her apartment was named "Sun apartments" .She was confused, could it be that simple? Does Dr. Joetsna live in the same apartments as she? She even considered the idea that perhaps someone was trying to fool her. But she was not in a position to take chances. What if the message was true!?. It was her father’s strict order that she was not supposed to interact much with other people, hence she did not even know the names of people who shared the same apartment. She at once went to the Security in charge and inquired about Dr. Joetsna .To her surprise, Dr. Joetsna lived in the flat, right opposite to hers. Too many things had been revealed to her in such a short time, she felt uneasy, a bunch of questions remained unanswered in her mind yet she knocked at flat no.103 –the flat right opposite to hers – She was both exhausted and confused.

Dr.Joetsna was around 55, yet her age did not kill her enthusiasm and energy. The ambience of the flat spoke volumes about Dr. Joetsna’s personality. The walls were painted white and the room was neat if not posh. Strangely she was at ease with

Dr Joetsna. She was not sure if this was because, she was interacting with another woman, or because she was talking to someone at a personal level for the first time since her father’s death. Aryl had very little idea of what lay ahead of her. As soon as she sat in the warm cozy ambience of the flat, she sprang up as she saw a portrait of her father in the drawing room. She couldn’t believe her eyes; her father had never mentioned about anybody named Dr .Joetsna. As she stood there staring at her father’s portrait, Dr.Joetsna came there, patted her shoulder and told her that Dr Harry Larks was a good friend of her. She even recognized Aryl; she knew almost everything about Aryl.

Aryl was too shocked to speak. She looked through the window panes and saw the sky was changing its color, it was dusk. The day was coming to an end, but her queries were not answered yet, she could not afford any rest now. She started asking Dr.Joetsna about N.I.R.T. Initially to her disbelief Dr.Joestna reacted as if she had never heard of N.I.R.T. , but Aryl knew she was lying . The paper she found in the morning was the proof. After an hour long conversation, Dr.joetsna finally agreed that she had worked in N.I.R.T. , but she still said that she had no idea about project – LIFE, and that she had never worked in the same project as Dr.Harry Larks.

It was well past midnight , when Aryl went back to her apartments. She decided to visit Dr.Joetsna more frequently, perhaps she would divulge, after she comes in personal terms with Aryl. Aryl had no idea what she would do next, over the next week. She kept re-reading the diary, and she tried to find all applications of the equations she had found, but yet she did not come across anything convincing. She decided to visit the basement

again .She was left with no other choice . She knelt in front of her father’s picture , and asked forgiveness -she was about to do something which her father had strictly forbidden her to do.Though this was her second visit to basement after her father’s death , she made up her mind that this was going to be the last visit. This time she took a bag with her , she had decided to bring everything which had her father’s name embossed in it.

She kept her designer shoes aside, and wore walkers , because she did not want to make any noise this time. This time she was quick , she did not waste any time sitting in the basement. She got hold of a file which contained about 50 blank sheets and picture of a black cat . Though it made no sense to her , she knew she did not have time to think. She kept the file and a host of other things inside her bag. The first thing she looked in her apartments was the file, there she realized that the sheets inside the file had holes in them, pin-size holes . It looked really wacky and the picture of the black cat , just didn’t make sense . She noticed a sentence in the picture just below the cat – " I am the number that represents a woman’s best friend" . She was sure this was not just a line , it was a key , but the question was ‘to what’ ? She again tried to figure out the holes in the papers. Suddenly everything made sense , 6-7 holes made up an alphabet , and thus a word was formed , and then a sentence was formed.

She could at last see the silver lining. She was suddenly full of panache .She knew , she would achieve her dream , she knew Dr. Harry was going to be famous soon.

The next two weeks was spent in writing the entire file of papers in a legible format . To her disbelief and happiness the file was the synopsis of the project – life. She could not believe what she read , her father had designed a robot – that could not only talk , but was designed to behave and feel like humans. Dr.Harry Larks had foresighted the technology and with his dedication and knowledge in fields like cognitive theory , artificial intelligence , he had created an artificial human. Aryl read the part containing details about the robot around 4 times. She now wanted to see the robot herself , and read for the sole purpose of finding its whereabouts .She was highly impressed with the way the robot which was called S236A-1 , was programmed to learn from the behavior of other humans.

Aryl was highly enthusiastic about the way S236A-1 functioned .She was inarticulate . The page in front of her said that the best thing about S236A-1 was the way it gets charged ,the robot did not have to depend on any human for this. Instead it simply was charged by something which looked very similar to ear-rings , but only they had to be charged regularly. She was surprised to see that ear rings were exactly like the one she wore .The best part was that the battery could also be charged by solar power. She was getting highly inquisitive about the robot. She further read that the ear-ring had to be charged in a special charger , which resembled an oven or perhaps a safe. This charger was also similar to the safe in her father’s laboratory. The next few pages contained the construction details of S236A-1 , along with sketches of the robot . Somehow she was not at ease with the idea that the robot looked an exact replica of Aryl herself.

She had always pondered over her body’s physiology , which was strikingly different from the human physiology which she had read . This was something to which even her father did nor respond , and she was always told , that the only reason is that she is special , and she should not talk about this to anyone except her father . The more she read about the robot and saw the working sketches of S236A-1 , the more horrified she was . She could not believe it , the robot’s physiology and anatomy was similar to her in an astonishing manner.

She had to confirm her doubts , she couldn’t possibly live in this dilemma she had to find the true ARYL. Suddenly the lines "I am the number that represents a woman’s best friend" , made sense to her . She somehow believed that the picture was some message hidden by some steganographic technique. The number she believed was 6-the atomic number of carbon. She believed that the sentence was an adage: diamond was a woman’s best friend ; and diamond is made up of carbon which is represented by 6-it’s atomic number. She was not sure of the number but she had to try it. She had to change the last 6 bits of each pixel to the binary form of 12-carbon’s mass number , or was it the other way round ? She did not know if she could find anything that would calm her down, or perhaps she find something that would take away her very identity , she was not sure .

Two hours later , she saw something for which she was not prepared . The decrypted picture showed how S236A-1 transformed to Aryl. She stood like a statue , though now all her queries were answered , yet the fact that she was not human , was too strange to accept. She looked outside , it was dusk , the day was coming to an end , she looked at the birds flying back to their nests - that part of the day which brings thoughts of longingness, but she knew she had no rest anymore- her fight had just begun .She stood there as dusk transformed into night and the night broke to dawn .

She had no idea what she was supposed to do next. Her very existence was a question in itself. She could not understand why her father never spoke to her about this. She suddenly started having a feeling of anguish for her father. She simply could not understand why Dr Larks induced her to dream, to aim for higher things in life, when he knew that she was a machine. She was not sure of what she was thinking. She had to talk to someone, someone humane enough to understand her.

She knocked on flat no.103 again . Dr.Joetsna was shocked to hear Aryl had discovered the robot in her. Dr.Joetsna stood in disbelief as she listened to the desperate plight of a daughter whose one and only aim was fame and recognition of her father , but what touched her was the fact that the daughter was not just a daughter , she was a machine. She had decided to break Dr. Larks’ promise , she had to give the letter written by him. She had to tell Aryl about the frustration that Dr.Larks was going through when he decided to end everything.

Aryl was given a 4 page letter which as per Dr.Joetsna was the last piece of communication from Dr. Larks before his death. Aryl was left speechless as she read that her father did not present his creation among the scientific intellects , because of the love for his daughter. He buried his 13 years work just for Aryl , just because he wanted Aryl to live a life of normal human . All this while Dr. Joetsna looked at Aryl as if she was in front of a divine creation of god, she was really amused to see so much of compassion between a human and a machine .

Aryl knew it was not easy for her father to give up his dream , his aspirations , yet he did what perhaps no other human would do. Aryl’s desire to give her father a tribute which he truly deserved grew stronger than ever. She had decided to unveil the creation of her father , she had to prove to the world the high intellect of Dr. Larks .She knew that this meant it was the end of Aryl , death as humans called ; but she had no other way .

The sky suddenly seemed clearer than before. The sun looked brighter. Dr. Joetsna knew that it was not the end , instead it was a beginning , the start of a new revolution.